5.15.2007

What your favorite dog says about you

They say you can tell alot about a person by the kind of dog they own. For example, if you own a cat, you're a douche. But I digress. Let's take a look at what your favorite breed of dog says about you.

A Border Collie says you are energetic, happy, scrappy, and love to bully sheep around. Also, from what I learned from 'Babe', Border Collies are talking dogs (which is a good skill to have if you are a dog).

It has been proven that one of the smartest dogs is the Yellow Lab, whereas one of the stupidest breeds is the Golden Retriever. You like this dog because
a) you like adorable dummies
b) you are really obsessed with 1994
c) you have a morbid obsession with the Air Bud movies

You like huskies because you live in an igloo. But really, can we not all agree that these dogs are super-cute and mega-hard working? This is the perfect dog. Oh, except the fact that they shed as if they hated you.

Poodles say "I am a professional woman who works on Wall Street and I bust balls like nobody's business. I work 14 hours a day and wear Bill Blass power suits. Also, it's 1981"

Pugs are so awesome; they are the old Italian man of the dog world. Look into this dog's eyes and tell me you don't hear him going "eh Guisseppe! Wassamattawitu?!? You say you gonna pick uppa the couch on Tuesday, and it Friday! Whereayou head at?!?"

You like Collies because you are secretly very afraid of falling down the old town well.



Chihuahuas are like Crystal Meth; you think it's so awesome for like, 4 months, then you find poo stains EVERYWHERE and it gets really annoying and you hear barking all the time, even in your sleep and when you close your eyes you see those weird bug-eyes staring right back at you and then you open your eyes AND IT'S LOOKING AT YOU.
By the way kids, don't smoke Crystal Meth.

Shi-Tzu's are good for making shit jokes and practicing hairstyling.

People who are into Mutts are pretty cool people. They can appreciate that purebreeds are basically crosseyed inbred cousins. Have you ever seen a messed-up Mutt? I didn't think so. Mutts are always fast runners, find stuff quickly, and eat their dog food as if you are never going to feed them again (they get so growly!). Anyways, the pound is the best place to get a dog because pound doggies will love you forever.


The kind of people who...wait a second, that's not a dog. That's a fox! Put up another picture of a dog.

That's not a dog, that's a raccoon.

That's a picture of a hotdog.

That's a dog dressed up as a hotdog.

Shit, come on! That's an Ewok!

Oh no! That's definitely a dog, but I'm not sure what kind. I think it's a zombie retriever.

13 comments:

concerned uncle said...

That last dog looked like a Chinese Crested (wrong spelling?) I think.
There are no Golden Labradors.
They are Yellow Labradors.
There I feel much better now.

Ellie's rep. said...

You MUST be running a fever Allister..where is the photo of your favourite canine EVER...the Seppala Siberian Sleddog!!! A wimpering Ellie is sure it was honest mistake RIGHT????

The Mayor said...

Concerned Uncle:
The last dog is the spawn of satan himself. But yes, he does resemble a Chinese Crested! Gold Stars for you for picking up on that! I would have never guessed it might be an actual breed.
And you are right; there are no Golden Labs. Just Yellow, Black, and Chocolate (they are the most delicioucly named dogs)
Ellie's Rep:
Those are Seppala Siberians in the picture, but most of my readers are not as well versed in the breeds of dogs, so I simply put them as Huskies. I should have posted a picture of Ellie (the prettiest Seppala of them all)

Also, gimme a break, the post was written while I was watching The Facts of Life.

Erin said...

Down on gingers, down on their canine counterpart. Goldens aren't stupid, OK? They just have too much love to give.

Elizabeth said...

I want you to know that what you said about people who buy pitbulls is ludacris. I am the proud owner of two and they are the sweetest things. They lay in bed with me every night and snuggle with my kittens. People like you are the people who give pits a bad rap. There is no such thing as a bad dog, just bad owners. Pitbulls are one of the most misunderstood breeds around. All they want it to love and protect their owners. They also love and protect who their owners love. Whoever you are that wrote this page, get off your stereotypes. Until you have raised and dealt with the hardships of owning a pit from jackasses like you... Shut your mouth! If you are going to post something... Know what the hell you are talking about first.

The Mayor said...

AHAHAHAHA! Amazing! Elizabeth, you are the Skip-Raid Hero of the month, my dear.
PS - Pitbulls are totally sweet natured little..oh, wait a sec. Nope, no they are not. One jumped me one time, and it attacked its owner and damaged all the nerve endings in her arm.
PPS - even if they are sweet and gentle, they are ugly as sin. I would rather have the satan-dog. If it were still alive (RIP Satan-Dog)

Anonymous said...

You are obviously an uneducated moron. It would be one thing if you had a blog and knew something about dog breeds, but you are just a dumbass with too much spare time and a computer. (probably a piece of shit computer too) "What this website says about you" is that you are a douchebag who could drop dead and nobody would notice. Go out and get a life you fuckstain

The Mayor said...

"Boo hoo hoo!! I'm a sadsack who can't take a joke! I'm gonna go drown my sorrows in a CBS According to Jim marathon and eat Rising-crust pizzas and drink lots of Mountain Dew. Boo hoo hoo, a blogger hurt my feelings!!"

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Tina said...

Hey Mayor! Just re-reading as part of your "best ofs" post. I love the hate mail. It's amazing.

I've noticed an interesting trend among Pitt-bull owners: they are usually the chubs girlfriend and skinny-sketchy dude couple. There are a few of these couples in my neighbourhood and they inevitably have a Pitt-bull. Also, saw a couple like this at the park with an Italian greyhound (basically a mini greyhound) and they were annoyed that my dog wanted to play with it.

Cheers from Ottawa!