7.09.2007

"Sounds like someone's got a case of the Mondays!"

God, am I ever tired today. I spent all of this weekend looking at apartments and I am tie-tie to the max. Do you understand how draining it is to hike your ass across the city, like, 7 times and go from bus, to subway, to streetcar, to bus, and walking and walking and walking? It was nauseating to say the least. So todays post isn't much of anything but a short-list to Toronto City Landlords:

1. If you own a small house, and each floor is big enough for one apartment, don't turn one into three. It's basic math.
2. If your place smells like piss, it's time to clean up.
3. Placing a bed beside a fridge does not a one-bedroom apartment make.
4. Try not to answer the door to potential tennants smoking and wearing a shirt without a bra. It grosses people out.
5. When we are looking around in your empty unit, don't follow us around. What are we going to steal, the door handles?
6. Don't look at me weird when I flush the toilet. I am checking the water pressure to make sure it can handle dumps. Don't act like you wouldn't do the same.
7. Please don't regale me of stories about how the last tennants had dogs that pissed on the floor everyday. I don't want to live in a place that is haunted by dog urine.
8. When cleaning up the unit to show to potential tennants, try not to have condoms spread out on the bed like a you broke open a fucking adult-themed pinata the night before.
9. Same goes for dirty underwear. Where you never 9? Hide it under your bed.
10. Keep in mind this is where we want to live. If the unit looks like it was moved as-is from Kuwait, then fix it up. Nobody wan't a flophouse (except Crystal Methodists)

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