9.09.2007

Fat Times at Pigmont High

I know it seems a leetle contrived, but I couldn't think of a better headline for Britney "Where the Cheetos at?" Spears performance at the MTV Music Wards. Oh my god, if you combined Hurricane Katrina and getting diahreah on the bus, you STILL wouldn't have a bigger trainwreck than Britney's "Sexy Mommy" dance. Did you watch it?!? Oh mai-tai god, youTube that shit! Also try to YouTube Sarah Silverman ripping on Britney's kids. Choice! If Sarah Silverman asked me for a kidney, I would totally give her both. You don't need both kidneys, right? They're like your tonsils.
All things Britney aside, everything about this show is a big-ass disaster. Shia LeBouf and the dirt 'stache? Chris Brown and the Hitler 'stache? Alicia "Primo Fastass Supremo" Keys? Justin Timberlake and the Hills diss heard round the world? Kanye vs. Fiddy? Ashanti isn't dead?!? Lil' John chasing after Kanye (possibly begging for spare change or a hot meal). Paris Hilton looking (GASP) pretty?!? Linkin Park (and I LIKED it)? Jay-ee-zuz! I live for this garbage. Rihanna hauled ass, through. Did you see that dress? Ho-lay! Forget talent, homegirl is pretty! I would kill to look that good in a dress (unforch, I look a little closer to Britney - how much were you laughing when her fat gut was jiggling? I almost felt bad)
Discuss discuss discuss!!

UPDATE! Britney "where the cheetos at?" Spears went sans-undapants AGAIN! Cover that shit up, you fool!! Check it out here if you hate your eyes.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Makes the MMVA's look like the Oscars...

The Mayor said...

For all the American readers, the MMVAs are the Much Music Viedo Awards. Much Music is Canada's answer to MTV (well...with the exception of MTV Canada, which is awesome).
Anyways, the MMVAs are such a steaming pile. Thank you, Anonymous commenter, for your very accurate description of last night's festivities.

Jenn L said...

it is bad when you can say "i could have done better" and actually mean it.

Jenn L said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Mayor said...

No kidding! I actually felt really good about my body after watching her perform. Then Rihanna came on, and I changed the channel (I want to eat my Family-Sized bag of Cheetos without feeling judged)

alex davey illustrations said...

YOU could have done better. (Everybody, Allison is probably the paler version of Britney)
It just proves that without a hot body, Britney Spears really is shit. It makes you judge yourself for actually liking her songs. Perez Hilton has a really funny letter to Britney.

Anonymous said...

It looked like she was about to fall down through the whole thing

stephanie tanner said...

she looked like she was going through each dance move and choreography while she was dancing. you could see it in her blue contact lense eyes!

The Mayor said...

Oh shit, yes!! Those contacts were like Recycling-box blue! Also, I was just on Dlisted, and apparently, she went sans-undapants AGAIN. Gross! Nobody wants to see that floppity-ass bagina!

Anonymous said...

Hi Mayor Allison!

Robot Zombie Monkey said...

Cheezus cripes. I was trying to figure out if she was on Horse Tranquilisers (almost wrote whore tranquilisers, heh!) or Cat Tranquilisers. Effing Zombie time. The only way that could've been worse (better?) was if she'd re-enacted my Friday night and puked up on herself. Rad.

Also, she has got to keep that fangita of hers under wraps, it looks so windburned and chafed. It's surprising she's not starting fires walking around with all that friction and dry kindling *down there*.

Thanks for the Schadenfreude last night, MTV. I love you.

Anonymous said...

Mayor is a "little" obsessed with Britney's cat! Hmmmmmmmmm....

The Mayor said...

I wouldn't say I'm obsessed with Britney's coochie-cat. I would say I am obsessed with the constant trainwreck-Hurricane Katrina that is Britney's life. I just love imagining her at home/at Burger King/wherever, Cris Angels house, going "wow, I done fucked up mah comeback, Y'all! What do I do to get people to stop talking about it? Ah know! I'ma flash the gash! Seein' the beefy-c's will take people's min doff my VMA disaster!"
But meanwhile, we are all sitting at home going "um, can K-Fed get full custody already? Please?"

Anonymous said...

Uhhhhh...I stand corrected....obsessed with Britney's life, not just the cat!

The Mayor said...

Shhyeah, why not? She is a modern-day...uh...can't really compare her to anything right now. Look, homegirl is a mess, and that is what The Skip-Raid is all about. Without loser-trainwrecks like Britney, Paris, Idiot 905-er Assholes from Woodbridge, Craigslist morons, embarrassing moments, poo-jokes, Camp Cariboo, Skinny Bones Joneses getting knocked up/coked up/prison'ed up, we would just be The Nice-Raid, and let's face it - nobody would visit me day after day to read about me reviewing lemonaid or pet beds or ice cream flavours, now would they?

Anonymous said...

Speaking of losers, Sarah Silverman is NOT a funny stand up comic. Did you hear the pins dropping after each "joke"? The WTF? faces in the audience? So predictable and borrrring.

The Mayor said...

Sarah Silverman is a genius. The pins were dropping because 90% of Hollywood is boring boring boring and probably didn't get half of her jokes.
I was laughing my ass off through her set. I wish I could be friends with her.

Anonymous said...

I wish she would give me some material that would be worth "laughing my ass off" for...I mean we KNEW she'd rip Britney...so predictable and borrrrrring!

The Mayor said...

Yeah, but if she wasn't going to rip on Britney, 50, and Paris, what was she going to talk about? MTV was smart - they knew Britney would be a disaster, so they thought "lets get SS up there right after to say what we are all thinking."
Also, did you ever watch SS's show? You need to rent it on DVD - pure amazingness. Also, little known fact - Laura Silverman is also very funny (even though she plays straight on The Sarah Silverman Program)

Anonymous said...

That's my point. SS got up there and said what we were all thinking. That was the boring and predictable part of it. No shock talk. I don't think it matters who or what she talks about. I don't think she's funny..at all. I've seen her show. You think she's funny, I don't. I'm goin' to watch South Park!