What the assholes are up to this weekend

Aw, we haven't seen this guy for a while, have we? You know why? Assholes are like Bizzarro-bears - they hibernate for the summer. In Wasaga (if you are unfamiliar, its like the WalMart of beaches - tons of Italian losers at the beach drinking shitty beer and making out with their "Lay-deez". Fuck, Wasaga is for Losers)
Anyways, the Assholes are back in full effect this weekend. Why? Because its the Toronto International Film Festival!
aka The TIFF
aka Douchebag Central
I know that people are gonna write my ass a shitstorm of letters, but I hate the TIFF so bad. It is such a waste of garbage. Shitty, pretentious films that you wait in line for 4 hours and pay $30 a ticket to see. Yeah, that's definatley not my cup of tea. You know what's better? The TUFF - Toronto Urban Film Festival. The Festival for the rest of Ulls. But back to my original point. You know what I hate almost as much as The TIFF? The fucking crowds of people "celebu-spotting". Fuck!! I abhor people who walk around Yorkville searching for celebrities, then getting their goddamned Motorola Razr out to take a bunch of pictures of Jessica Alba or Jesse Metcalf or some other marginally famous piece of crap. Shit, I wanted to do some much-needed back-to-school shopping this weekend. How am I gonna do it now, with Yorkville being turned into loser-ville USA?
* Editor's Note - The Mayor is no longer in school, she just calls it back-to-school shopping to make her less depressed about spending money on clothing.
So yeah, I personally can't wait for The TIFF to be over. I am feeling sick to my stomach right now just imagining all the idiots waiting in line with a shit-eating grin on their face hoping to see Cameron Diaz walk into the theatre or something.
Now I know how Utah feels when Sundance is on. I feel for you people. I really do.
What will I be doing instead? I will be seeing The Brothers Solomon. I don't care if this movie is called 120 Minutes of Whitenoise, I will see anything with Will Arnett and Will Forte. Plus, its directed by Bob Odenkirk. Take that, TIFF!
Have a good weekend Urrbods!!

1 comment:

"aunt linda" said...

Geez..I hope you don't run into your future husband Jake G. tonight wearing that pouty face!