10.31.2007

Happy Hallowe'en! My kid sis is on CollegeHumor.com!

Click here to see her, along with all the other Hallowe'en submissions. Good jerb, kiddo!

10.29.2007

Hallowe'ekend Review

Good morning boys and ghouls. This picture doesn't exactly represent my weekend, I just thought it was funny. Well, okay. Maybe my sister did ask why my face had gotten very Freddy Kruger (my acne gets bad sometimes). This was supposed to be Hallowe'en Weekend, the best weekend of the whole year. Wha' Happun? No parties! No costumes! No juicers or blenders. The weekend was also void of flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers. Enough Simpsons quotes. So what did the Mayor do for Hallwe'en weekend? Worked. You heard me. I was bartending. I wasn't even allowed to wear a costume. I know, silently cry with me, please. While on the Subway to and from work, I did manages to see a couple of costumes worth mentioning:

The Good
- girl with a converse sneaked tied on the top of her head. What the hell was your costume? Who cares, you went there and that's all that mattered.
- guy dressed up as Ron Burgundy. Okay, guy, I know your costume was 100% awesome, but it would have been 110% if you had done it 2 years ago. Sorry. Still good though (real moustache).
- girl dressed up as Little Red Ridinghood. All your stuff was clearly found in your closet and it looked like you threw your outfit together last minute for free. Good job! I like that can-do spirit.

The Bad

- girl dressed as Jail-Time Paris Hilton. Wow, you are just so creative, aren't you? What a great costume! You are just so funny!
- guy wearing all black and holding an axe. What are you, Nighttime Firewood Collector?
- girl dressed as American McGee's Alice. Something tells me that since Hot Topic costumes don't come cheap, this will be your costume for the next 3 years.

So me and the kid sister went to Canada's Wonderland's Halloween Haunt this year, as I do every year. Halloween Haunt is a great time to cruise around the park in the dark and ride the rides with little to no lineups. Also, they have quite a few haunted mazed and houses and such that aren't really terrifying as much as they are a lot of walking and looking. Halloween Haunt is ideal for seniors, I think. Lots of walking slowly, re-occuring feelings of being lost, lots of looking at flesh wounds and going "Gladys told me her roomate had that and they had to clean the dressings every day!"
Last year, let me tell you, I almost peed my pants every 5 minutes. This year was not as scary. It seems that every haunted maze we walked through, we were stuck behind a dad and a kid, and the zombies (excuse me, talent) would make a beeline for anyone 4 feet and under. Additionally, sometimes they went out of character:
Black Ritualistic Slaughter-House Killer: I'm going to take you downstairs...
The Mayor: That sounds sexy.
Black Ritualistic Slaughter-House Killer: (hands in the air) Not on the first date.
All in all, it was a fun time. Especially walking through the gift shop where we were treated to such ladies T-Shirts as "My favourite position is upside-down" (...just kidding, it's doggie-style) and "Get in line" (...to ride my ass). Honestly, what parent would, in their right mind, buy their 8 year old a shirt that says "My favourite position is upside-down"?
I wish I had pictures, but I don't think we could have even held a camera cause it was so damn cold and my good-for-nothing sister took my mittens. She also showed up wearing summer slip-ons with no socks and a thin Urban Outfitters hoodie. Needless to say, her feet got so frozen she started walking around like a zombie.

10.25.2007

TGIF-U

Thank God it's Fucking Uuver. This week, that is...aw, hamburgers, that was a terrible anomoly. Anyways, long story short, this week is over, and that is good. I wasn't sure what I wanted to do today, so I am lazily linking to my ultra-embarrassing BiteTV post for this week. There are a couple of gems, so it's not totally worthless. In the words of a fellow BiteTV contributor (who shall remain nameless just in case someone gets wind of his negative comments and then he gets the axe...which really wouldn't be that bad) "This will all end badly. Anything with Molson adverts has to. It's a rule". So just read it, k? If you are too lazy to click on the link below, then enjoy my favourite picture from College Humor.com this week.
Click here to read the BiteTV garbage-parbage.

10.23.2007

Due to copyright infringement...

So, it's Hallowe'en, and that means one thing. Type-2 Diabetes? No, silly goose. Awesome costumes! But we don't live in a perfect world where people think up awesome costumes and then put them together using scraps and know-how and elbow grease. Most of the time, you go to a Hallowe'en party and see 4 'sexy Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz' and more than a half-dozen Scream guys. As much as I love to laugh at mindless snore-ass costumes, I really love to laugh at the names they give them on costume websites. You know the ones...it will clearly be a Scooby Doo costume and the name of it will be "Goofy Crime-Solving Doggy-Doo". Let's take a look at some of the best names in a piece I like to call Due To Copyright Infringement...Sold as: "Captain 6-Pack"
What it really is: Duff Man
Jebus Christ, you want the real Captain 6-Pack costume? Dress up as my good for nothing ex-boyfriend. There, I just saved you $29.99Sold as: "Nerdy Adult"
What it really is: Pee-Wee Herman
What is this, 1983? Why don't you just go as a Rubiks cube or Little Caesar's Pizza? Sold as: "Wizard Wanda"
What it really is: Hermione? Harry Potter? Pfft, someone in Gryffindor at least.
This one is so lame, it makes me cry. Imagine someone asking you what you are supposed to be, and you go "wizard Wanda". Uh, wizard who?Sold as: "Precocious English Nanny"
What it really is: Mary Poppins
They should have just called the costume Sherry Bobbins.Sold as: "Bad Bull Vodka"
What it really is: I have no idea. Is she supposed to be RedBull and Vodka? Is she an alcoholic bull? This costume is so confusing.Sold as: "Mystery Solving Team"
What it really is: Scooby Doo.
American Apparel, you can't fool me. me too smart. Just call it what it is - Freddie, Velma, Daphne, and Weedy-Jim. What was that guy's name? Shaggy. Right. If you really wanted to go as a Mystery Solving Team for Hallowe'en, you would dress up as Det. Stabler, Det. Benson, and District Attorney Novak from Law & Order: SVU. But then again, only you would get the joke and you would show up to the party looking like narcs.Sold as: "Evil Queen"
What it really is: Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty
That, or someone's sexy goth aunt.

Sold as: "Napoleon Dynamite"
What it really is: Bob Odenkirk doing Napoleon Dynamite.
I love that people are still doing Napoleon Dynamite costumes well past their prime. Are you guys this un-creative?

Last night on The Hills...

Let's call this week's episode The Brody Show, cause that's what it felt like. Homegirl got more time than Audrina, Lo, and Justin-Bobby combined! Let's start with Heidi though, cause she really doesn't play an integral role in this week's shitstorm.
Okay, so Heidi and Kim, eh? She is gonna run her like a mule. Heidi is all "if you need anything..." More like "if I need anything, it will be broughten!" (because Heidi is all about the un-words. Did you hear her say world-wind? Um, it's whirlwind, you stupid slut).
Anyways, back the the TeenVOGUE model casting call, Lauren gets the hots for Gavin, a model that she worked with on a TeenVOGUE shoot previously. DON'T DO IT, BITCH!! Lauren, girlfriend; don't ever date models. They are dumb as shit. Hot, but dumb as shit. But for serious, they love talking about their hair too much, and that is only fun for a day. Two days, tops. Alright, so Gavin asks Lauren on a date. I get a very maybe-gay'be vibe from good ol' Gavin. He seems like he would be a top. Moving on...
Heidi is at home with The Puppetmaster, and she is all "Honey, I'm in here getting ready for that big NASCAR event". There is no ammount of money you could pay me to attend a NASCAR event. Well, maybe $25 grand, but that's only cause I owe the bank muchos dollars. So The Puppetmaster is being all pouty cause he made 'special dinner plans' (um, do they not go out for dinenr every night?) and everytime Heidi defends her choice, he gives her the thumbs-down. Which was HILARIOUS!! The best was when Heidi busted Spencer for not having a job aka The Diss Heard Round the World. She's all "I'll be at work...why don't you try it?" Ahahahaha, Spencer is a stay-at-home dad!!
So Brody and Frankie have a beach party and Brody does an impression of Frankie. I laughed, whatever. So I think Brody and Lauren did what I like to call the bathing-suit-area dance. That's what I gathered from Frankie's spinning bed remark. That, or they found one of those Austin Powers spinning beds. Probably not. So Gavin arrives and tells Lauren that he went camping in Catalina and Lauren goes "ew, camping". THANK YOU!! Finally, someone says what I have been saying all along!! Camping is stupid and dirty and you smell like dirty hair and poo and urine. Why? It's called a hotel.
Brody decides he is going to grill Gavin and see if he is good enough to date/fool around with Lauren. Was anybody else thinking "fuck Gavin, I want Brody Jenner"? Brody is eh oh tee.
Meanwhile at the NASCAR event, Spencer calls Heidi and guilt-tripps the hell out of her and she stands there looking like a low-budget porn star. Ie: what else is new? I will talk about them when something interesting happens.
Let's cut to Lauren and Gavin's date, shall we? Here is how it all went down:
Bla bla bla white-washed sushi place bla bla bla Gavin looks like Ken Paves bla bla bla booooring. Like watching paint dry.
The Lauren invites Brody over to 'watch a movie' aka do it!! Good for you, good choice.
So Next Week on The Hills... has Lauren and Whitney going to New York to meet with Amy Astley and show them some stuff. It looks like Whitney blows it, but it's honestly just clever editing. What will happen with Brody and Lauren? Will Brody be friends with Spencer again? ARe the writers getting lazy? See you next week!!

10.22.2007

The Spook-Raid

Oooh, so scawwy! It's Hallowe'en week here at the Skip-Raid, and by week I mean 10 Glorious Days of candy, ghosts, horror movies, the macabre, nicky-nicky 9-doors, and Satan. We salute you, o' Dark Lord! Anyways, moving on. Let's take a look at the Hallowe'en Costume Poll so far, shall we?
43% Amy Winehouse
39% The Hills' Justin-Bobby
13% A Ginger
4% Your Mom
Well, lookit that. Amy Winehouse for the block, eh? And who would have thought the dark horse Justin-Bobby would have such a lead over Ginger? This is gonna be a tough race. And yes, it's true - if Amy Winehouse wins, it will be the 3rd year in a row that I have worn a black wig. I really need to find a costume that utilizes my naturally gorgeous hair. Anyways, I wasn't sure what to write about cause I had a pretty dull weekend and am having a pretty dull morning, so I decided to do what I do best - rip stuff off. So, courtesy of our good friends at The Onion, here is a Hallowe'en article or two for you to enjoy!

Indonesian Mother Sews Halloween Costumes For 60,000 Children

Top Halloween Costumes, Women 18-34


...and my personal favourite...
Halloween Safety Tips

10.18.2007

Countdown to Hurloween!!

Alright tids, the countdown is on like Donkey Kong, and if you will notice on the side over there to the right, you can vote for my Hallowe'en costume. I urge you to do so, as it is your civic duty to cast your ballot. In the meantime, let's take a look at 2 Hallowe'en costumes my kid sister Alex sent me. I know that she was trying to make fun of them, but deep down inside she is wishing she could wear either one.

While I applaud this company for making something sort of retro, mostly skanky, I do wonder what their inspiration was for this costume. Was it Women in the Navy? Cause from what I know about the American Military, women in the Army and Navy and Marines are usually butch to the max. Like Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry butch. Like Pvt. Lyndie England. Upon further inspection, I realize that it is a Monster Mash of several things: Naval uniform, slutty stripper thigh highs, and The Skipper's hat (you know, the one he used to beat Gilligan with). I would love to be a fly on the wall when some Frat asks the slut wearing this costume "what are you supposed to be?" She'd be standing there like a deer in the slutlights going "...I'm...a...sailor girl...like on the...uh...sea...wanna see me make out with a girl?"

Sextra! Sextra! Slut all about it!! See what I just did there? It's called a pun. Aw, go blow it out your ass. What else do you say about such an ill-conceived costume? Is this a tribute to Newsies? A visual representation of the beloved NES videogame Paperboy? What the hell? Are we running out of slutty costumes, or what? I would be less surprised to see a Sexy Ambulance Driver or a Sexy Cellphone than a Sexy Paperboy. Why is it that Hallowe'en brings out the funny and creative in guys, and girls just phone it in and wear their underwear. It's cool, I get it. You have a jock boyfriend who uses you as his personal punching bag. Sheesh, you don't have to rub it in my face, Miss Low Self-Esteem. Take it easy. Know what I love, too? The girls who get mayjah slutted up for Hallowe'en are usually the girls who have slept with like, one guy in their whole lives and who read Cosmo's Kama Sutra before bed ("oooh! Ice in the bedroom?! How nas-tay!!")
Long story short, vote for a Hallowe'en costume for me, otherwise you might see me showing up to a party dressed like Sexy Paperboy or something (whatevers on sale at Value Village, really).

10.17.2007

America's Next Top Model Cycle 9, Episode...uh...figure skating

THE MAYOR: First off, can you believe that this is my 252'nd post? I can't either. I honestly thought I would get bored after 2 weeks and just start posting about my bowel movements or which cashier is the biggest bitch at my grocery store (it's the fat Indian lady...Meeshra. Or Shurbinder. Whatever, she is a huge bitch). Alright, time to put away the Gloat Goat and talk about ANTM.
INTERN TYLERFACE: SHAZAMMMM Its week....5 or 6. Guys, seriously - tell me what week it is. I'm dying here. So, it opens up with all the typical jabber that wannabe models say when in a truck. Nothing really all that interesting, whining about Kimberly waaaaah. Bitch was terrible! Hoochy Mama couldn't even make it on Maxim.
TM: Good call. This week's reward for a job wll done was the chance to star in an Akademiks ad with Season 6 Winner Danielle. What were the odds that the winner was gonna be white? 300 to 1? Yeah, that sounds about right. So Lisa won and took Ebony and Janet. Why Janet? I guess they needed a token white girl. Too bad she whited that ad up more than a pile of...um...white people stuff. Moving on...
ITF: Sweet Mayor, please fill in some shizz. This episode was so boring I started studying for a test.
TM: For some weird reason, they decided to make a Being Bai Ling photoshoot. Boooooring.TM: This week we said smell ya later to Janet, aka Liza Minelli, aka House Mom. And by sadly I mean Praise Sweet Baby Jesus! I hated that stupid boring moose. She was such a spaz on that trampoline. I loved when Bobby Ninja was like "Janet seems to have a problem with the trampoline...". Um, no. Janet has a problem modeling. Janet has a being boring. The tramplone is the least of her problems. Oh well, check ya laaater!
ITF: Janet aka Undefined Reba. My sister made up that name, and she couldn't be more right. Janet was a cross between Reba McEntire and Liza. She was a nice southern gal, but ho couldn't take a picture to save her cousin.
Editor's note: cousin/boyfriend. Zing!
R.I.P. girl! Hope you like working at Price Chopper!Lisa
ITF: In the end, who loses I MEAN 'wins' this competition on how to display canned emotions? None other than: LISA! Congrats. You're terrible! Her prize was having a photoshoot with like, 80's clothes and make up. It went into SEVENTEEN magazine. So, what? You don't even have to win the show to get into the magazine? That's what I'm talkin' about!
TM: I know! I hate her too! I really hope she gets eliminated; any enemy of Binaca is an enemy of mine. Lisa was working all kinds of Jackson Family circa 1980 last night. The Michael Jackson-Thriller jacket, the Jheri Curl, the cheesy emoting. The best was when she looked at that skating rink and was like "it's like they are trying to kill us!!"
Lisa, I am not that lucky.
ITF: She did do the classic 'roaring' face - but it worked. Ho looked fierce. This shit is brill, but yet she cries during her critique. Be yourself, babe! You're one of the best! If you slump I will kill you.Ambreal
ITF: Back at the house, you hear some singing. You hear Ambreal. "I try to make everyone smile." I don't know about the others, but I wouldn't smile if my ears were bleeding. I would cry - or punch you - but I couldn't. She's just so huggable!
Why did I like this picture?! It's bad - but something pulls me in! Maybe it's because I pretty much live for doing the robot. Yeah, that's it.
TM: Anyone who knows me knows that I have an intense fear of people singing sans accompanyment. When Ambreal started singing on the deck for Chantal and Saleisha, I just about shit my pants. I was fidgeting like Heather. Speaking of which...Heather
ITF: Why did they have to pick a profile picture of her - and puhleeze. They were tonnes of better pictures than THAT. Girl - you're losing me. Step it up!
TM: I just can't make fun of Heather. I just can't do it. It's too cruel.Binaca
TM: Homegirl was robbed this week. Know what would level things? A stabbing. Shank shank!
ITF: Now, I know I said last week that even though I loved her, I hated her. That's still true, but this picture was pretty friggen hot. Like, golly. I've been hankerin' to see a photo like this! Bianca, you and your no hair - you happen to surprise me like a case of herpes one week later.Chantal
TM: I know, I know. Last week I was hating. This week I am singing a different tune. Not only was she so good on the trampoline, her shot is really good. I give her 2 more weeks. My favourite was when Twiggy was like "this doesn't even look like a men's magazine!" Twiggy, have you thrown open an FHM lately? This shot is the fine line between men's magazine and that 80's fitness show that came on at 7am.
ITF: Maxim, anyone? Every photo shoot it looks like she's trying to make Jay Manuel feel attracted to her. Um, honey - that ain't gon' happen. Ever.Ebony
TM: Afraid to smile? Afraid to smile?!? YOU ARE A FUCKING MODEL!!
ITF: This is where I wanna see you, girl! You have no class, no confidence - but you rock it harder than Fergie rocked Poisideon. (How shetty was that movie - but Fergie died. A+ )Jenah
TM: Who?
ITF: You're slumpin', chile! It concerns me that I can't tell you apart from Chantal. (AND WHY DO YOU LOOK LIKE TIA FROM CNTM?)
TM: oh yeah! She totally does! (minus the Kimmy Gibbler)Saleisha
ITF: She's wearing like, a one piece bathing suit and looks like she's in the HIP HOP ABS tape. Like, butch. Gargoyles aren't butch - well, they aren't human either - but if they were they wouldn't be butch.
TM: She's cute. She's sweet. She's a backstabbing rat-bitch! Did you see how fast she ratted the other girls out to Lisa? You've been warned, Tootie. Do it again, and I'll have Bobby Ninja come down there and teach you what's what.Sarah
TM: Oh my god, can we not give this girl more airtime?!? I loved that she refered to Lisa as "Debbie Downer". The only thing that would have made it better is if she made a joke about feline HIV or went m'yow m'yowwwwwwww.
ITF: Girl, you were saved by the graciousness of Tyra's hunger. She was probably like "Oooh, chilwe. I would DIE for a Swanson righ' 'bouh now." and Sarah was her best bet at getting what she desired. She's a smart lady.

TM: So what does next week have for our rag-tag gang of future Hollister shift-managers? Not much apparently. That Next Week, on ANTM gaves us nothing! Oooh, one of the models frustrates Jay Manuel. What else is new? That guy gets frustrated with all of them - it's like training cats to use a human toilet. I mean, it's possible, but it takes some serious dedication and dissaprin.
ITF: Also, they have a shoot with different atmospheres, (snow, rain, Battle Royale) and since their ratings are declining, they add a man into it! Wow! It could be like an orgy or something! I can't wait. I've set my cable timer set to remind me to watch it, not that I'll ever forget to watch.
TM: And now is a great time to wish our very adorable Intern Tylerface a VERY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Tylerface, enjoy getting your license; you are one step closer to adulthood than I (I only have my G1 - for the Americans, that's like your Learner's Permit aka I suck at life).
See y'all next week!

10.15.2007

The Mayor to be on MTV Live tonight.

Hey Tids. If you wanna catch up with The Mayor, watch MTV Live this evening on MTV (doye) at 5:30? 6? What time does this shit come on at? Anyways, I will be answering a question from the audience. What? You didn't think MTV was scripted?
Anyways, check it out. Should be grand.

10.14.2007

Hurl-o-ween 'tis but 2 weeks away!

It's no secret that Hallowe'en is my favourite holiday. When you spend 365 days a year eating a shitload of candy, you need a day to celebrate your life. Every year, I have trouble coming up with a good costume. Last year I tried to do Yoko Ono, but due to my extreme height and the my innate lack of, how do you say, Asian-ness, I looked more like Ned Flander's Beatnik Mom. So, I am putting the challenge out to you. Submit your ideas for The Mayor's Hallowe'en costume, and I will choose the best ones. Then, I will put up a poll on the side of the site and you can vote for your favourite. And...uh...I dunno. That's all I got. So, here are my ideas so far:
- MTV VMA's Britney Spears
- Coke-ahontas
- Amy Winehouse
- a Squirell
And that's about it. So submit your ideas in either the comment's section or email your ideas to skipraid@gmail.com. If your idea gets picked, I'll send you a present in the mail. What will the rpesent be? Love? Kindness? Some candy? Yeah, the last one.
So get those ideas in now!

10.12.2007

Self-Promotion Moment

Hey tids. If you get bored this afternoon or weekend, check out my first ever post for BiteTV's daily blog right here.
I am the gift that keeps on giving.

10.11.2007

It's The Mayor's Birthday Today

Another year successfully cheating death. Good job, me! (Pat on the back). I will be celebrating in style: drive-Thru at Krusty Burger and doing it twice. Jokes, I will be celebrating the best way I know how - by working! God, if you are listening, please burn down Reds Bistro and Bar before my shift tonight at 5pm. Actually, dealer's choice - burn it, have a senior drive their car into it, terrorists, what have you. I will be forever greatful and will do your work, no matter how hard or evil or gluttonous. I just don't wanna spend my birthday weekend hiding behind the bar on a milk crate reading outdated copies of US Weekly and eating SubWay. I can do that at home, thank you very much, and nobody at home will ask me (repeatedly) "um, did you shower today?"
So let's see what we can work out, okay? I don't want go to work, you don't want to hear all the blasphemy coming out of my mouth if I have to go, so really, we all win.

In other news, what song have I been listening to non-stop? The answer may surprise you. Listen to it here. It's really best to listen to it at full-volume with a neon green lazer shooting out of your hand.

10.10.2007

Guess who was on Law & Order: SVU last night?!?

That's right, Melissa Joan Hart aka Sabrina the Teenage Witch aka Clarrissa Explains it All aka The Original Wonky-eyed Blonde. Now, this shot isn't from last night's episode, this is probably from Sabrina (which I will NOT lie; I watched it every Friday night on TGIF aka Loser Night In, and she had THE WORST taste in clothing. Ew ew ew. I would have died to wake up and find that all the clothes in my closet had been replaced with the wardrobe from Sabrina).
Last night was a real good L&O:SVU. Allow me to recap:
Blonde teacher (Melissa Joan Hart) goes to the cops and says she was raped. At the same time, the rapist (her student) goes to the cops and says he was seduced! Ooh, sneaky!! Who is telling the truth?!? I'll tell you - it was Hart. She was raped by her 15-year old student who has an extreme sex addiction. He buys Prostitutes all the time (also, now is a good time to mention that on L&O, the shortform for Prostitutes is Pross. Thanks, Mariska Hargitay!)
Long story short, Melissa Joan Hart is a devout Catholic and would feel really bad sending an otherwise good kid to jail for something he has little control over. So instead of Prisone, he gets Sex-Offender Juvy for a month or something. While in there, he gets brutally beaten and raped by a guard. The Juvy Centre offers the kid $1 Million to not press charges against the super-corrupt Sex-Offender Juvy (because apparently all the inmates were getting taken down the old dirt road every night). This pissess off Melissa Joan Hart's NYFD husband, who gets all "My wife got raped, and now they are giving this kid a million dollars?!? What does my wife get?!?" and Det. Stabler is all "I know, bro...I know..." cause Christopher Meloni is TOUGH AS NAILS!!!
Oh boy, I love SVU. I normally hate CSI shows (or as I have known it to be called Redneck Science) but there is something about SVU that always leaves you feeling a little erie. Also, they usually have great guest stars: 2 weeks ago, it was Cynthia Nixon. Okay fine, they have good guest stars. Shit, you can't win em all.
Watch Law & Order: Special Victims Unit every Tuesday night at 10pm on NBC

10.03.2007

Bio-Dome!

Hey tid-pows. Okay, so the gingers will be posted a little later today. Why? Jesus Christ, I am still out of town. Deal. Anyways, what is The Mayor doing today? I am going to Montreal's own Bio-Dome.
I believe you may be familiar with the Pauly Shore movie of the same name? I am hoping that the Bio-Dome will be very similar; smoking weed, growing weed, eating snacks and getting high on compressed gas. Joking! I really want to see a sloth. Also, I am a nerd and love seeing different habitats and such. I also really hope a bird lands on me. Okay, so wish me good luck! I would take pictures, but apparently they have a no-photo policy. Stupid animals.

10.02.2007

The Hills by Jenn L

Bonjour pimples! So, just like last week, I couldn't watch The Hills due to circumstances beyond ma control. But I wasn't prepared to leave you hanging, so I called in a Ringer. This week's post is brought to you by my good friend, Jenn L. Here you go!Hello Skip-Raid kids. This is my attempt at a Hills post. sorry if it
is lame. but that's what you get when you write about the hills at
work when you are supposed to be doing work. also please note i am
mildly challenged and have no concept of spelling or grammar. deal
with it.

anywho.
So it was brody's big 2-4 birthday fiesta Vegas styles. boring. I love
that their arrival was supposed to be a surprise, but obviously wasn't
cause there were cameras in brody's room.

a few things. who the fuck is Jill? she is totally their tubby pet
troll they only let come out into the light once a month for some
vitamin d sun action. poor Jill. (insert troll pic) but on the bright
side, i bet she has more money then them and that is why they let her
hang with them every now and again. so bonus for jill. she probs has
ass loads of money

another thing. i thought Justin bobby was his name? why is he all
cranky about being called Justin bobby? and guy no matter how
nonchalant and 'cool' you are. no one is cool in a plaid shirt cut off
sleeves get up. sorry but that is so ugly it made my stunningly
amazing face turn into looking like Hilary "horse face" swank cause it
was so stupid. not cool. i don't appreciate this jb.

also when they were in Vegas Lauren remarked "i just saw lo's britney"
which maybe have been the best thing to come out of her mouth ever.

ummmmm then brody makes out with Lauren and lo "cyclops" lastname had
a serious mack session with Frankie, not letting her disability get
her down (cycloposity)

okay back to LA.

Spencer still looks like an idiot with that beard. and he keeps
proving to us that he will soon kill us all with his eyes and a series
of weird serial killer weapons (most likely one of those balls with
spikes on it). shit that guys face is terrifying

oh and he still has not told his parents about the wedding. like are
his parents mutants, or possibly imaginary? what is the deal? just
tell your parents even if they are horribly disfigured mutants, they
will just be happy you are marrying a non mutant so that your children
may have a chance at a normal life of non mutantness. but i guess that
dream is too far fetched anyway cause obviously their children will be
abominable snowman (insert picture)

elodie is the man. the bitch move was the best. so it was heidi's
anniversary and she wanted to go to dinner with spencer, so she had to
get someone to cover for her for this huge emmy event. and who does
she ask? ah elodie. r-tard. anyway elodie lies and says sure she will
cover it "anything for you" but really it is her last day today
because she quit (good move) so no one is there to cover the event and
it goes to shit and heidi gets a call and has to go into work. and the
devil that is spencer (who wanted her to get the job) was pissed. she
was all "i love you" and he was all "no you don't"

oh yeah back in Vegas audrina is mad at Lauren for being so over
protective of her about jb. it seems like they make up next week.

anyway there were some pretty awesome coming up on the hills clips. so
i am pumped.

that is all

later gaters

10.01.2007

This is the best vacation ever!!!

Fuck! While I am cruising my ass around Montreal, I am missing a shitload of gossip and TV. So I come back from shopping at Village du Valleur, and guess what is the first thing I see when I hook myself up with some gossip. Britney Spears just lost her kids to KFed. He has sole custody. She has none. All she has now is her Cheetos. But no kids. Fuck, what a loser! I feel like this is the best vacation ever: no work, lots of shopping, restaurants all the time, and a shitstorm of awesome news. The only way this week could get better is if every morning I turn on my comp and Lindsay Lohan has overdosed of cocaine and that Nicole Richie has given birth in Fred Segal.
Peace Out! Also, yes Eric, Pamela Anderson did have her dogs married on a beach and Borat did crash it.