10.18.2007

Countdown to Hurloween!!

Alright tids, the countdown is on like Donkey Kong, and if you will notice on the side over there to the right, you can vote for my Hallowe'en costume. I urge you to do so, as it is your civic duty to cast your ballot. In the meantime, let's take a look at 2 Hallowe'en costumes my kid sister Alex sent me. I know that she was trying to make fun of them, but deep down inside she is wishing she could wear either one.

While I applaud this company for making something sort of retro, mostly skanky, I do wonder what their inspiration was for this costume. Was it Women in the Navy? Cause from what I know about the American Military, women in the Army and Navy and Marines are usually butch to the max. Like Hilary Swank in Boys Don't Cry butch. Like Pvt. Lyndie England. Upon further inspection, I realize that it is a Monster Mash of several things: Naval uniform, slutty stripper thigh highs, and The Skipper's hat (you know, the one he used to beat Gilligan with). I would love to be a fly on the wall when some Frat asks the slut wearing this costume "what are you supposed to be?" She'd be standing there like a deer in the slutlights going "...I'm...a...sailor girl...like on the...uh...sea...wanna see me make out with a girl?"

Sextra! Sextra! Slut all about it!! See what I just did there? It's called a pun. Aw, go blow it out your ass. What else do you say about such an ill-conceived costume? Is this a tribute to Newsies? A visual representation of the beloved NES videogame Paperboy? What the hell? Are we running out of slutty costumes, or what? I would be less surprised to see a Sexy Ambulance Driver or a Sexy Cellphone than a Sexy Paperboy. Why is it that Hallowe'en brings out the funny and creative in guys, and girls just phone it in and wear their underwear. It's cool, I get it. You have a jock boyfriend who uses you as his personal punching bag. Sheesh, you don't have to rub it in my face, Miss Low Self-Esteem. Take it easy. Know what I love, too? The girls who get mayjah slutted up for Hallowe'en are usually the girls who have slept with like, one guy in their whole lives and who read Cosmo's Kama Sutra before bed ("oooh! Ice in the bedroom?! How nas-tay!!")
Long story short, vote for a Hallowe'en costume for me, otherwise you might see me showing up to a party dressed like Sexy Paperboy or something (whatevers on sale at Value Village, really).

16 comments:

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

So far it is a whopping 2 votes for "A Ginger". That is 100% of the vote! Hooray for "A Ginger"!

Anonymous said...

Why a ginger? No one will speak to you. You'll have the worst time ever. So boring. At least if you dress up like JB it'll cause nightmares for others!

The Mayor said...

I know , its all a toss-up. I will post the picture of me dressing up as the winning costume. Oh yeah, picture of the Mayor. Get ready.

alex davey illustrations said...

I liked the sailor one, it's 'Christina Aguileira Back to Basics' cute.

But you know the girls won't curl their hair or wear red lipstick. They'll have the platinum blonde extensions with frosted pink lipstick to make their lips look like an asshole.

The Mayor said...

Oh yeah, and they won't wear cute shoes...they will wear those stupid Jessica Simpson black pumps with the wooden stacked heel that everybody wore this summer.

ilana said...

Does the sailor costume come with the fake boobs?

Anonymous said...

You do realize that what ever costume gets the most votes you're going to be dead ugly!!!!

The Mayor said...

Yeah, that's what Hallowe'en is about! Being as grotesque as possible. Doye.

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

I think what makes the ginger make-up you'd possibly be wearing so transgressive is that it would be like doing blackface. That would stick it to those gingers! GINGER MINSTRELSY! That, and you can do yourself for a God Damn Ginger Wednesday post.

Anonymous said...

What?!?! Try again Uncle Jesse. Organize your thoughts before you start typing.

The Mayor said...

No no, it's cool - I know where he was going with that.

ThomG said...

Dang, my carrier looks exactly like the fuzzy-faced bartender from "Fight Club."

And I think the sailor outfit, in some strange way, pays homage to "The Love Boat's" cruise director Julie McCoy. Or maybe I just have a 70s teenage sexual fantasy flashback.

Anonymous said...

The Amy Winehouse costume sould be easy for the Mayor. Black wig, smoking, drinking and barfing. In that order, as usual. Real pretty.

alex davey illustrations said...

Basically Halloween 2005 for the Mayor

Anonymous said...

If the ginger costume wins please, please, please dress up as Kim Boggs from Edward Scissorhands. Not a true ginger but gingery enough. Or Delia Deetz.

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