Due to copyright infringement...

So, it's Hallowe'en, and that means one thing. Type-2 Diabetes? No, silly goose. Awesome costumes! But we don't live in a perfect world where people think up awesome costumes and then put them together using scraps and know-how and elbow grease. Most of the time, you go to a Hallowe'en party and see 4 'sexy Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz' and more than a half-dozen Scream guys. As much as I love to laugh at mindless snore-ass costumes, I really love to laugh at the names they give them on costume websites. You know the ones...it will clearly be a Scooby Doo costume and the name of it will be "Goofy Crime-Solving Doggy-Doo". Let's take a look at some of the best names in a piece I like to call Due To Copyright Infringement...Sold as: "Captain 6-Pack"
What it really is: Duff Man
Jebus Christ, you want the real Captain 6-Pack costume? Dress up as my good for nothing ex-boyfriend. There, I just saved you $29.99Sold as: "Nerdy Adult"
What it really is: Pee-Wee Herman
What is this, 1983? Why don't you just go as a Rubiks cube or Little Caesar's Pizza? Sold as: "Wizard Wanda"
What it really is: Hermione? Harry Potter? Pfft, someone in Gryffindor at least.
This one is so lame, it makes me cry. Imagine someone asking you what you are supposed to be, and you go "wizard Wanda". Uh, wizard who?Sold as: "Precocious English Nanny"
What it really is: Mary Poppins
They should have just called the costume Sherry Bobbins.Sold as: "Bad Bull Vodka"
What it really is: I have no idea. Is she supposed to be RedBull and Vodka? Is she an alcoholic bull? This costume is so confusing.Sold as: "Mystery Solving Team"
What it really is: Scooby Doo.
American Apparel, you can't fool me. me too smart. Just call it what it is - Freddie, Velma, Daphne, and Weedy-Jim. What was that guy's name? Shaggy. Right. If you really wanted to go as a Mystery Solving Team for Hallowe'en, you would dress up as Det. Stabler, Det. Benson, and District Attorney Novak from Law & Order: SVU. But then again, only you would get the joke and you would show up to the party looking like narcs.Sold as: "Evil Queen"
What it really is: Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty
That, or someone's sexy goth aunt.

Sold as: "Napoleon Dynamite"
What it really is: Bob Odenkirk doing Napoleon Dynamite.
I love that people are still doing Napoleon Dynamite costumes well past their prime. Are you guys this un-creative?


ilana said...

I think the American Apparel "Classic TV threesome" is funny, because next to "Hollywood Blvd. Streetwalker" it suggests something other than the characters from Three's Company.

The Mayor said...

My personal favourite is Bad Bull Vodka. Sexy costumes have hit a new low.

Eric said...

You know who I know "Mystery Solving Team" isn't actually Scoobie Doo? Because Scoobie was a Great Dane and that's clearly a Doberman. Totally different costumes.

The Mayor said...

You know how I know "Mystery Solving Team" isn't actually Scooby Doo? Because Shaggy and the Gang were smiley hip 60's teenagers, not sullen, greasy, dickbag hipster trash.

The Mayor said...

I love that that turned into "you know how I know you're gay..."

Mrs. "Hots for Joey" Carruthers said...

I can't believe you refuse to give Paul Ruebens the Comeback Kid credit he desrves after his 30 Rock appearance. Boo. Hiss.

Still, good call on everything else.

The Mayor said...

Oh my god, I cannot believe I will be saying this out loud...but I am not familiar with that episode. I love 30 rock, and I have no idea that Pee-Wee Reubens was on it.

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

He plays inbred Euro-Royalty. It is fabulous