Hallowe'ekend Review

Good morning boys and ghouls. This picture doesn't exactly represent my weekend, I just thought it was funny. Well, okay. Maybe my sister did ask why my face had gotten very Freddy Kruger (my acne gets bad sometimes). This was supposed to be Hallowe'en Weekend, the best weekend of the whole year. Wha' Happun? No parties! No costumes! No juicers or blenders. The weekend was also void of flunjers, capdabblers and smendlers. Enough Simpsons quotes. So what did the Mayor do for Hallwe'en weekend? Worked. You heard me. I was bartending. I wasn't even allowed to wear a costume. I know, silently cry with me, please. While on the Subway to and from work, I did manages to see a couple of costumes worth mentioning:

The Good
- girl with a converse sneaked tied on the top of her head. What the hell was your costume? Who cares, you went there and that's all that mattered.
- guy dressed up as Ron Burgundy. Okay, guy, I know your costume was 100% awesome, but it would have been 110% if you had done it 2 years ago. Sorry. Still good though (real moustache).
- girl dressed up as Little Red Ridinghood. All your stuff was clearly found in your closet and it looked like you threw your outfit together last minute for free. Good job! I like that can-do spirit.

The Bad

- girl dressed as Jail-Time Paris Hilton. Wow, you are just so creative, aren't you? What a great costume! You are just so funny!
- guy wearing all black and holding an axe. What are you, Nighttime Firewood Collector?
- girl dressed as American McGee's Alice. Something tells me that since Hot Topic costumes don't come cheap, this will be your costume for the next 3 years.

So me and the kid sister went to Canada's Wonderland's Halloween Haunt this year, as I do every year. Halloween Haunt is a great time to cruise around the park in the dark and ride the rides with little to no lineups. Also, they have quite a few haunted mazed and houses and such that aren't really terrifying as much as they are a lot of walking and looking. Halloween Haunt is ideal for seniors, I think. Lots of walking slowly, re-occuring feelings of being lost, lots of looking at flesh wounds and going "Gladys told me her roomate had that and they had to clean the dressings every day!"
Last year, let me tell you, I almost peed my pants every 5 minutes. This year was not as scary. It seems that every haunted maze we walked through, we were stuck behind a dad and a kid, and the zombies (excuse me, talent) would make a beeline for anyone 4 feet and under. Additionally, sometimes they went out of character:
Black Ritualistic Slaughter-House Killer: I'm going to take you downstairs...
The Mayor: That sounds sexy.
Black Ritualistic Slaughter-House Killer: (hands in the air) Not on the first date.
All in all, it was a fun time. Especially walking through the gift shop where we were treated to such ladies T-Shirts as "My favourite position is upside-down" (...just kidding, it's doggie-style) and "Get in line" (...to ride my ass). Honestly, what parent would, in their right mind, buy their 8 year old a shirt that says "My favourite position is upside-down"?
I wish I had pictures, but I don't think we could have even held a camera cause it was so damn cold and my good-for-nothing sister took my mittens. She also showed up wearing summer slip-ons with no socks and a thin Urban Outfitters hoodie. Needless to say, her feet got so frozen she started walking around like a zombie.


Jenn L said...

so are we going to get a costume shot or what?

"aunt linda" said...

I can picture it all now....

alex davey illustrations said...

That drawing looks like Coasters. The picture has everything to do with your Hallowe'en weekend!

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