It's The Mayor's Birthday Today

Another year successfully cheating death. Good job, me! (Pat on the back). I will be celebrating in style: drive-Thru at Krusty Burger and doing it twice. Jokes, I will be celebrating the best way I know how - by working! God, if you are listening, please burn down Reds Bistro and Bar before my shift tonight at 5pm. Actually, dealer's choice - burn it, have a senior drive their car into it, terrorists, what have you. I will be forever greatful and will do your work, no matter how hard or evil or gluttonous. I just don't wanna spend my birthday weekend hiding behind the bar on a milk crate reading outdated copies of US Weekly and eating SubWay. I can do that at home, thank you very much, and nobody at home will ask me (repeatedly) "um, did you shower today?"
So let's see what we can work out, okay? I don't want go to work, you don't want to hear all the blasphemy coming out of my mouth if I have to go, so really, we all win.

In other news, what song have I been listening to non-stop? The answer may surprise you. Listen to it here. It's really best to listen to it at full-volume with a neon green lazer shooting out of your hand.


Jenn L said...

happy bday turd

"mumma d" said...

Your father is a senior and would gladly drive into Red's for you today....anything for you Honey on your Birthday!!!

The Mayor said...

I am willing to call in a bomb threat.

tylerface said...

wowza! i hope you have a good one. my birthday is next thursday! garsh. just wait until you get to the age when your friends just buy two numbered candles, because the actual amount of like, upper nineties would be brighter than a landing strip. this excites me! i'll have a candle for every wrinkle!

holidaaaaay! celebraaaaaaate!