12.13.2007

In the words of Teen Girl Squad: It's Over!

Oh, you know I brought back my Miss J for this week's round-up: Intern Tylerface!!
Okay, last night I was discussing with my waxer (yes, I need waxing at such frequent intervals that I have a regular waxer. I am, how you say, like Chewbacca) that ANTM dropped the boat on the Welcome Back, Kotter episode where all the models come back and they do a bit of a re-cap episode. Additionally, we both noticed that the season finale was oddly missing an hour (2 hours down to one). To which my waxer said “its obvious why they fast-tracked to the finale; nobody gives a shit who wins”. Touche!
Anyways, how lame was that runway show? Let’s go to Tyler for his thoughts, which sum it up much better than mine.

Intern Tylerface: The runway show was horrible! It went a little something like this.
"NOW ENTERING TYRA BANKS!"
Oh, and by the way - there's nobody watching this as it happens).
So, crickets - and the two remaining are like, "Wow! This is my dream! It's coming true!" Your dream is to be walking a long runway with nobody watching except Tyra Banks, who is probably thinking about lunch? Yeah, no. But I have a bone to pick with that little ho named Ms. Banks.

Jenah may have been frontin' a lil', but seriously. Didn't her mother leave the family when she was young or something? Like, give her a break. Chantal was like "I wouldn't like my sisters looking up to her." and Jenah like, started yelling and then burst into tears. Now, Tyra was supportive of her and was like "GIRL YOU FOUND YOURSELF ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WALL!" but then she's like, "Haha. You suck, bitch!" and kicked her out! I'm like, WTF! So, I'm pissed and really don't care who wins now, and although I'll watch cycle 10, I've like, lost all respect for the show. Damn you, Tyra. Damn you to a Swanson TV Dinnerless hell!

The Mayor: She kicked her out because Tyra doesn’t want someone with a more rags-to-riches story than her. Although I am not too sure what that story may be. Also, Jenha was an ugly piece of shit. She was a huge case of pretty on the outside; homegirl acted like they should be kissing her ass everytime she showed up to a photoshoot. That’s not how it works, Jenah!

Intern Tylerface: Chantal and Saleisha. Wow. Snore. Saleisha walks it like she's struttin' it in the streets of New York like, "Hey girl! Look at dese new pumps I gets from Payless!" but yet she's wearing a huge high fashion dress. Chantal on the other hand was thinking a little bit too much about how she really needed to shit or something, and walked like she was gonna explode - and then she tripped the stilts guy! Oh, Chantelly Belly - you make me chuckle.

The Mayor: I laughed so much when she tripped that stilts guy. You can tell he was thinking (in a horribly inaccurate Chinese accent) “I go to Chairman Mao School of Acrobatics for this? To be tripped by stupid white American girl while massive fake-haired feedbag ghetto peacocks around temple. So much dishonour-a fall upon family.”

Intern Tylerface: So, "America's Next Top Model for the win..." etc.
SALEISHA!
Wow. We didn't see that one coming. Seriously. You fuck up on the runway, and it doesn't matter if you've taken stellar photos since the beginning. You suck! But, I must say! The pictures Saleisha had for SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE or something with Tyra were really good! So, I guess I'm happy for her - but bitch better work it or I'll buss' a cap.

The Mayor: Let’s be honest here. Saleisha will do her little Seventeen shoot, her one crappy CoverGirl ad will run in Seventeen, and then we will see her doing advertisements for Lot 29. Visit it, and you will totally know what I am talking about.

See you all when CNTM debuts! Although my friend Annie claims that Australia’s Next Top Model is WAY BETTER so we may have to do that one too.

4 comments:

Jenn L said...

1. australia's next top model does rule

2. chantel sucks balls and is boring.

3. i agree with tyler face, those pictures of saleshia at the end were surprisingly good.

4. mayor you have it all wrong about jenah. she was the best one by far. and she is more like you than i bet you would admit. she is, as she says, not a bubbly ass annoying girl but someone with a sarcastic sense of humour who does not need to shit rainbows or whatever she said. i know someone like that. pretty much everyone i like.

The Mayor said...

Okay, yeah, no totally. I would so hang out with Jenah. She would be fun and stuff. But I think she wasn't a good model. Look what were were handed: three pieces of rotten fruit, and then told to pick the one with the least ammount of maggots.
Admit it: nobody should have won. They should have called it a draw, and walked away unscathed. Everything about Cycle 9 was a horrendous waste of money.

Jenn L said...

trues they need to get some actually pretty people on that show pronto.

tylerface said...

Ah, well. At least we have CNTM to tide us over until Tyra comes back with her crazy fucking antics and stupid photoshoots.

Twiggy's got the right idea; she's leaving.