I have become Cathy Guisewite.

Yeah, it finally happened. After one week with the cat, I have become a cat person. Last night I sat watching Law & Order: Criminal Intent and knitting a mouse for him to play with. Law & Order: CI is okay, but its no SVU. It has Mr. Big and Alicia Witt, which is okay. But I like Regular Law & Order better, because it has Jeremy Sisto aka Elton from Clueless who is HOT. So yeah, back to my story. I find myself talking to the cat a lot and I even made a Catbook for him on Facebook. Do you understand how I used to roll my eyes at that shit? Anyways, I should explain why I have him. His mom is on a break from school and had to move back in with her parents. They are mad-allergic to cats, so they told her the cat had to hit the road. The problem is, she moves back into her apartment again in May, so she couldn’t permanently get rid of him. I found out about this through work, so I said I would take him. I am allergic to 99 things, but a cat ain’t one. Which is weird, because my allergies are pretty damn severe. I use that Nasonex shit almost every day to help me fight off mold spores and dog hair, and yet I can snuggle the cat’s face and nothing happens. Last night, it was so cute, he fell asleep on his back with his head in my hand. Awwww, like you give a crap, I know, but it is cute to me. He is also mega-fighty too – he can bite and scratch with the best of them.
I had always had dogs before, so there were some things I learned about cats. Here they are:

- cat poo smells like people poo

- cats like water. This cat will sit in the shower with me

- cats really will play with a ball of yarn

- cats don’t mooch food from you when you are eating dinner

- cats are super-snuggly when they want to be fed

- cats have 2 sets to eyelids

- cats don’t like it when you try to put them in your purse and play ‘Paris Hilton’

- cats don’t like when you rub their tummy

- cats like waking me up at 2am because they are dicks

- cats don’t always land on their feet

If you have any cat information for me, or perhaps anything that will help me not turn into a crazy cat lady who wears the same pair of urine-soaked sweatpants every day, then please, by all means, fill me in.


Anonymous said...

to punish a cat you should spray them with water. it's fun for you and it teaches them a lesson!

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

Nothing goes with a cat like chocolate and romance/erotic horror/fantasy/sci-fi novels. Oh, and get yourself some stirrup pants, those are sexy.

The Mayor said...

Oh, in that picture you can see that I am wearing sweatpants. Not yoga pants, either, but real tight-at-the-ankles sweatty-p’s. Also, I agree with the chocolates, but they should be referred to as bon-bons. I will be picking up a Harlequin romance novel tonight at the grocery store (like Deep Seas or Strong Will or The Wind Besweepeth or something).

Anonymous said...

That's your LEG? I thought it was the sofa arm.

ThomG said...

When the cat gets mad at you - and oh, it'll happen - they will be sneaky and get back at you. Shit in your shoes or kick the living shit out of a roll of toilet paper.