Seriously, did anyone see Epic Movie?

I will be the first to say that I love, LOVE, Scary Movie. There, deal with it. I also love Scary Movie 2. Watch the “talk dirty to me” part and tell me you don’t laugh. And then things sort of fell apart in the movie parody genre after Scary Movie 3, Scary Movie 4, Date Movie, Epic Movie, etc etc. I used to blame Hollywood (damn you, Hollywood for making such garbage!) but after a little research, I can finally blame a person and not just the industry. His name is Jason Friedberg and he is the writer (and I use that term very loosely) of the aforementioned movies. If there is anything good that can come out of the WGA strike, it’s that this assclown isn’t allowed to write any shitty parody movies for a while. I bet his name has been thrown around during bargaining once or twice:
“Okay, you can get compensation for internet use and a 14% pay raise BUT you have to kill Jason Friedberg. Don’t even make it look like an accident, just get it done.”
You think I’m being too harsh? Let’s take a look at some of the taglines he has written:

Scary Movie: A Killer Comedy
- meh, not bad, but not great. This doesn’t bother me that much.

Date Movie: Everyone wants a happy ending
- my happy ending would involve a lead pipe and Jason Friedberg’s face.

Epic Movie: We Know It's Big. We Measured
- Big on shittyness, that is. Wait, how can you measure shittyness?

Meet the Spartans: The Bigger the Hit, The Harder They Fall
- what? That’s not even creative! I’m pretty sure he just stole that from an already existing movie poster.

Anyways, long story short, I took a look at his IMDB page, and thank Sweet Baby Jesus, he doesn’t have anything on the go right now. Well, besides sucking pretty hard, but he can do that anytime. So yeah, if any of yous skids actually go to see this trash this weekend, I will murder you. Literally, I will find a way to get to your house (as long as it is on a bus line) and I will lead pipe your face. I think I will try to get an interview with him. That could be fun, eh? Cross your fingers and have a great weekend, friends!!


Jenn L said...

the actors in the movies after the first one must be all sorts of desperate.

oh dear.

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

Aaron Seltzer is also to blame, please hate him too!

I can't wait for the zany good time that is "Holocaust Movie". Pan over skeletal starving masses in concentration camp, and suddenly we see a Paris Hilton Impersonator! AND GET THIS, she says "That's Hot." in reference to how skinny everyone is. AND THEN, wait for it... Someone kicks her and she falls down! Cut to a shot of her chihuahua looking nervous and peeing on the snow boot of Napolean Dynamite as a Nazi. CINEMATIC GOLD!


The Mayor said...

Oh my god, you nailed it with the dog peeing joke. I fucking hate that. The dog always looks like its being held at gunpoint to piss on the actor's shoe.
Also, I hate HATE napoleon dynamite parodies.

The Mayor said...

Also, I would rather see Holocaust Movie than Indie Movie or Weed Movie, which will probably be next (Although Not Another Teen Movie was pretty funny)

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

The first two Scary Movies and Not Another Teen Movie were both pretty good for what they are, I'll give them that.

Vanessa said...

Why is Carmen Electra? Why? Ew.