2.29.2008

Today is March 1st, dammnit.

Let it be known that I don’t believe in Leap Years. February 29th is bizarre and I don’t trust it. Why do we need to fake a day every 4 years? It makes no sense. It also makes little sense to have Daylight Savings Time. It’s bogus. Just like the Moon Landing. I’m no crackpot, but does anyone else out there believe the Moon Landing was faked, too? Come on – there is so much damn evidence to prove it was faked. And for all the smarmy bastards sitting on your high horses, riddle me this; if the Moon Landing was real, then why have they not done it again. Prove me wrong, America! Prove me wrong. But enough about my crackpot skeptic theories…
Today is Friday, and l won’t lie – I had nothing planned for today. I went home from work yesterday clinging to the cold, clammy hands of life on the bus. I seriously thought I was going to hurl on the busride home (would not be the first time. But that’s a story for another day. Maybe Monday). So I got home and climbed into a warm bath and then straight into pyjamas. I then watched one our of The Office and went to bed. I was all cuddled up like a warm cinnamon bun. Fuck, the worst part was waking up at 7am (I slept 10 hours) and felt like I hadn’t slept at all. Don’t you hate that?!? I feel like I hadn’t slept at all.
Ugh, this is turning into one of ‘those blogs’. You know – ones where people write random shit about their life that no one gives a flying fuck about? This morning I woke to the sun shining in my eyes – not a good start. I placed my warm feet on the cold floor and walked calmly to the kitchen for a bowl of Grape Nuts. Drats, there were none. I had to settle for Total, a lesser cereal in my mind. Crunch crunch crunch went the flakes in my dry mouth…
And so on. God, who the hell reads that shit? I’d rather let Javier Bardem take a dump on my chest. Then again, I would let him do that anyways. He could take 3 paella dumps on me and I would ask for a 4th. I have issues. Anyways, moving on.

Do you like Facebook? Who doesn’t, am I right? What’s not to love about an Online Popularity Contest? So if you are on Facebook (which, don’t lie, I know you are) then you should join The Skip-Raid Facebook Fanclub. For reals. You will get updates and pictures and...uh…love? I bring you love? Fuck, just join it. Do you really need a reason? I have seen some of the lame-ass clubs you guys join, so why not join this fan club. God! That always sounds so gay to me! Did you ever belong to a fan club? I did – I was a member of the Babysitter’s Club fan club. I know, I was a fucking loser. But don’t lie to me and tell me you weren’t a member of the NKOTB fan club or something like that. A couple of friends of mine were in the NSYNC fan club in High School. And when I say High School, I mean like grade 11 or something. They were too old for that shit.
Leave what fan clubs you were members of in the comments. Oh, and don’t forget to join The Skip-Raid Facebook Fanclub.

2.26.2008

A new study suggests that Christians are having nasty, Christ-filled sex. This just in, I barfed myself.

I know you don't like hearing this, but you were created by your parents furious fucking. I know, its gross. But it's true, and you can't escape that. Your Dad sprayed semen all up in your Mom's vagina. Why does everyone get so grossed out at that? It's true. How depressing would it be to imagine your parents going at it like efficient Germans, void of any and all romance or sexyness? Ugh, so sad. Less sad than imagining how your Dad felt when he had to sleep in his car until the divorce was finalized. I digress. Many times I have heard the mystery of a certain Christian Sex Toy website, My Beloved's Garden (mybelovedsgarden.net). Well, I finally took the time to search for it online and browse their products. If you are thinking this is gonna be the same lame shit you see on other sex toy sites (you visit that many sex toy sites?), you are sorely mistaken. I found the good shit. I mean, shoot. I found the good shoot. Or do Christians say sugar? Let's do this thing!

First off, you are greeted by this:
Welcome! We provide a safe, non-pornographic place to shop for all your Christian sex toys and romance needs, while keeping Jesus at the centre of your marriage.
Huh? The phrase sex toys alone speaks volumes about porno without ever seeing a boob. Also, if you have any questions, they have a seperate phone number for men and women to call. I assume it's so you can speak to someone of the opposite gender and talk out your dirtiest fantasies to them.I tried real hard to find anal beads or butt plugs and stuff, but Christians don't seem to be down with the dirt road. This was as close to anal stuff as I could get. Although it describes it as DOUBLE ACTION EXCITERS are TURBO powered multi-speed DUAL ACTION stimulators with accentuated heads for ultra sensations!, I am assuming that means use the larger one on God's most precious vagina, and the smaller on your poop chute.This one is called the Tsunami Stimulator Torpedo and they describe that you will Experience the awesome power of nature as this tidal wave of pure pleasure engullfs you. Tidal waves, eh? Just like the ones that engulfed Jonah and made him get swallowed by a whale? Huh? Right? They were going with a cryptic bible story and not just a lame attempt at 'sexy talk', right?Uh...is this the kind of stuff your pastor had in mind during couple's councilling?Nipple clamps, eh? Who knew that waiting till marriage fucked people up so bad.I get that they want to take out the naughty bits from the lingerie, but do they have to use Microsoft Paint so poorly and with such little precision that it turns the models into victims of leprosy?
And yeah, that's a thong with suspenders.I fucking love man-thongs with animals and critters and stuff. They are as funny as when you put sunglasses on a baby. I really don't know who finds this stuff sexy, though. Who doesn't laugh at this stuff? Its all well and good when the duck is on a buff, waxed model. But please imagine this on your average Charlie Church. Also, imagine him and his wife praying to God Heavenly Father, please be with us during this most holy of acts. Watch over us as we join together in love and Christ. Amen. Alright, honey, its time to put the duck in the ark.

But the weirdest thing is in the FAQs. They ask about what is Biblically ok as far as sex, and what God sees as a no-no. Apparently, two men kissing is a big no-no. Sex before marriage is also not happening. Making a little money from giving bj's in the park? No way. But this?This is a-ok with the Big G.

2.22.2008

A Skip-Raid Interview

Hello friends! Happy Friday! I realized that I had not done a good interview in a while, and you skidmarks seem to like them, so please help me welcome back semi-regular interviews! Remember waaay back in December when I said that one of my New Years resolutions was that I was going to try to get an interview with Amy Sedaris. Well, its almost the end of February and no Sedaris. So, you will have to take this as a consolation prize until then. Today we sit down with actor, writer, and generally very funny gentleman, Matt Watts.Full name: Matthew Gordon Watts

Occupation: Writer, Actor... Bum.

Where you live: Toronto

Where we can find you: mattwatts.ca - It's just a stupid blog... Initially it was supposed to be a daily record of all my various methods of procrastination, but that became to difficult to maintain (I have a limited attention span), so I write something stupid once a month about where various projects are at... I think the only people who read it are my family so they know I'm not dead.

Where might we recognize you from?
If anything it'd be The Newsroom. You might recognize my voice from the show I'm working on now, a CBC Radio drama called "Canadia: 2056"... A sci-fi comedy that I also write. There, shameless self promotion over.

I know you from The Destructo Brothers, but many of The Skip-Raid's readers (especially the American ones) have no effing clue what that is. Explain, will you?
Jesus that's a while a go... I'm doing the math... I was 17 when I did that show. I'm 32 now... So... 15 years ago? Wow. It was this... Uhh... Really cheap YTV, "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego" type knock-off... I played one of the two Destructo Brothers: Murray Destructo. And through a series of... "skits" we would give clues as to the location of an artifact or something in the world. And the audience would phone in once they figured out what we were talking about, and win some kind of lame prize.

Why is it that everytime I got all the clues together and called in, I never got an answer. That shit was rigged, wasn't it?
I remember asking the producers if it was rigged, and they explained to me that it wasn't, and how there were different answers for each time zone... And who knows... I don't remember... I was 17! I was just hoping it would get me girls (It didn't.) What was the prize anyway? A thing of fries? If you feel that ripped off, I can buy you a thing of fries.

Who from the cast of Destructo is doing something other than soft-core Canadian Porn?
They're all in porn, I think. According to Imdb (not anymore, they've fixed it) I dabbled in porn. German porn.

You gave me grief for hating on Roman Danylo. Why the fuck do people stick up for this guy? Does his family have ties to the Mafia or something?
Roman Danylo is the kindest, bravest, warmest most wonderful human being I've ever known in my life.

I have never watched The Newsroom. Tell me what it is about and why I should take time away from my busy Corner Gas-watching schedule to watch it?
They're totally different. Newsroom is more Larry Sanders/Office type humor... If you like more subtle and dark comedy, then I'd say you should check out The Newsroom. If you like your laughs light-hearted and fun, then stick with Corner Gas. I lucked out getting that job, man. It's always been one of my favorite shows.
I miss it.
Life sucks.

When you are unemployed, do you ever stay up till 4am watching shitty movies on TBS till your sister would pound on the walls and yell at you to get a life and go to sleep? Cause that's what its like for me when I don't have a job.
I have no siblings. So I just keep watching shitty TV, and no one tells me to stop. I eventually stop when I'm all cried out.

What is your dog like?
Smart. And not in the way everyone says their dog is smart. I mean he's fucking S.M.A.R.T.True story: I told him to go find a stick once, and he went over to a tree and tried to break a branch from it. He's also my best friend. Is that sad? I'm kind of sad, I think.

Name one really awesome Canadian television show and one terrible Canadian show (that is currently airing new episodes)
Currently airing? No comment. I mean, I realize that in itself is a comment...They're all awesome and they're all terrible. There, how's that?

The Skip-Raid is written out of Toronto, and you are a Canadian. What is the one thing that you find Americans are most surprised to learn about Canadians?
The joke answer: We're just like them, but with huge sticks up our asses.
The serious answer: We feel incredibly inferior to Americans, and mask it by acting superior and holier-than-though. All we ultimately want, is their attention.
(ok, they were both kind of serious)

Did you know Rick Mercer was gay?
Of course! I hang around outside his studio and try to pick up all the disappointed fan girls.

What is your favourite animated show on TV right now?
South Park. It just gets better and better. Seriously, last seasons 3 part "Imaginationland" was brilliant and could have been released theatrically... I thought, anyway.

You grew up in Scarborough. Ever get shanked?
I moved to downtown Toronto when I was ten, so yeah, but only twice.

Would you rather crap your pants every day for the rest of your life, or have erectile disfunction every time you get biz-eh?
I spend most of my time worrying that i will either vomit or crap my pants in public, so I'll go with ED. Besides, no one would want to get biz-eh with me if I'd recently crapped my pants.... and it's not like with ED I can't "please her".

What's the last fight you got into?
I don't know. But the next fight will be when my girlfriend reads these answers and is all like, "what's with you and the picking up girls comments?" and I'll say, "It's just jokes, yo. that's how I roll." and she'll say, "you're 32, stop talking like an idiot." And I'll say, "whatevs."

I assume that everyone who works in Canadian Television knows eachother. Are you friends with Kenny Hotz and Spencer Rice?
I met Kenny Hotz at a party once, and I was too intimidated to talk to him. I love those guys, I think their show is awesome. There! There's an awesome Canadian show! Ha!

Your ideal sandwich:
Grilled Cheese from a greasy spoon.

2.20.2008

Newz U Can Uze

Hey friends! So, you may have noticed that yesterday there was no Ginger. Well, I have a good reason for that. Right now, the whole Skip-Raid team (myself, the cat, family sized bottle of children's cough syrup) have been working overtime to bring you a BRAND NEW WEBSITE!
Now, before you go shitting your pants (too late, right?) it should be up quite soon. But what will this new site be about? Will it be like the ill-fated Skipviews? No, on the contrary, it will be effing amazing. Speaking of interviews, I should have a new one for you all sometime Friday. So, stock up on Depends now. But anyways, you can check out the preliminary aspects of the new site here. It will be updated once a week and will be chock-full of gopher guts and mutilated monkey meat. I will be moving quite a few articles from The Skip-Raid over to it, but needless to say you vampires will get your fix.
You may also be wondering why someone like myself would be posting a picture of an adorable dog in the leaves? That can be summed up in 4 letters...
A N T M
Tonight. 8pm. I am so pumped up!! A new season! Can you dig it? I can dig it. I can try to dig Tyra a grave, but my arms would get tired after the section for her ass. So watch it! Then get your asses back here tomorrow morning to make sure we are all on the same page.
PS - Tyler might be back. I need to batsignal that tard and make sure he is on deck (aka able to cover for me when I pick the wrong week to stop sniffin glue).
Picture borrowed from Cute Overload.

2.19.2008

America (Fuck Yeah)

Hello friends. I am so sorry you got zero posts on Friday and yesterday. I was sick as a bitch on Friday and yesterday was Family Day (aka Bogus Made-Up Holiday). I shouldn’t complain – I love a day off as much as the next person. I spent my Family Day singing Family Day carols by the fire and reading stories from the Family Day Book of Yore. And by that I mean, I spent Family Day at IKEA. With every other fucking family from here to Tuktiyuktuk, Alaska. Lame.
Anyways, I wanted to do this post for a while. I had mentioned a while ago that I took a trip to Detroit, MI (Dearborne, to be exact) and went shop-a-loppin’ at Target (America’s Nuts). I bought close to $80 worth of American food (which you might remember my horrific run-in with Kraft Macaroni & Cheese). But yeah, one thing I bought (that sadly, you cannot get in Canada) are Flipz.I love chocolate-covered pretzels. I like to make them in my spare time. That may be why I am a fat-ass (not really, but let’s pretend). Anyways, they had these in Canada for a quick minute before pulling them and sending them back to America. I guess chocolate and pretzels were no match for the awesome taste sensations of whale blubber, seal eyes, and poutine.
As you can see, I got the monster box. There was no smaller box! What could I do, my hands were tied. And yes, I ate the whole box in one sitting watching South Park. But the best part about these little trans-fat laden nuggets from Heaven is the assurance on the back that Nestle isn't judging your fat ass.”They’re round, like me”? What the hell? They aren’t even trying to sugar-coat who is eating the Monster Box of Flipz, are they? They might as well have just put ”I’m a fucking fat piece of shit…what’s 38 grams of chocolate more?” After I read the back of the box (I like to call them Nestle’s Daily Affirmations) I just imagined the losers who bought several Monster Boxes of Flipz from Target that day - the 51 year old Grandmother who is raising her Grandbabies cause “Carol can’t get her life together long enough to make sure these damn youngins have a sandwich or two”, the lardasses with copious amounts of brain damage who are also picking up a dozen multi-pacs of Capri Sun, and me. Hooray! Anyways, I won’t lie like this shit isn’t delicious, I’m just saying it is no damn wonder why Americans are so fucking fat – it’s not that the food is 99% garbage. It’s because this box was like $1! You know how much a box of candy like this would be in Canada? $3.99. We have the same shit up here, it’s just way more expensive. It’s like that Chris Rock bit where he says if you wanna stop murders, make bullets cost 5 grand. Same as in the US. Charge Canadian prices for cheese and ice cream (two things that are waaay too expensive here) and watch those fatties drop that weight. You know how much an assorted sub at SubWay costs up here? $5. And that’s for a fucking 6-inch, too. You know how much a turkey is? $6. That’s right – the healthy choice is only a dollar more. Fine, but why is the assorted sub $5? That shit is made from snakes, raccoons, shoes, and a big fat question mark. That sangweesh should be like $1.99, for a 12-inch too. I need a deal; those bastards took away the Sub Stamps. That was the only thing making me wanna live. Bring back Sub Stamps, you cheap bastards!

2.14.2008

Skip-Raid Challenge!

Hey guys! I would have given you a good post today, but I am sick as (in the words of Dlisted's Michael K) a parrot's dick and so i am just fudging through today. I'm sorry, but that is how it is gonna be! I am wearing sweatpants right now (which I never do) and don't even have enough energy to eat delicious snacks. Anyways, people who know me know I am obsessed with dermatology (aka gross shit of the skin). Maybe it is because I have a skin disease that will be with me all my life, maybe it is becase I hope to someday find a cure. Or maybe I just love gross shit of the skin. Irregardless, I challenge you to tell me what is grosser than this video.
WARNING! This video is effing disgusting and I take no responsibility if you barf all over your computer.Have a great weekend, you sick fucks! And for all the readers from Ontario, Happy Family Day on Monday! (Yes, in Ontario they made up a holiday called Family Day. It's like Love Day, but you know...less lame. Or more lame? Meh, it's a paid day off).

Happy Love Day, everyone!

I honestly would love to do a Valentine’s Day post today, but I am so damn sick right now. I got a cold from someone at work (I knew I shouldn’t have shared my toothbrush) and now I am praying for the cold, clammy hands of death to take me to dead-people-heaven…you know, a Retirement Home. Anyways, enjoy this card. I made it for you (what? I know it doesn’t make any sense…just go with it).

2.12.2008

Be Kind, Rewind, I'm Pumped!

Okay, so remember last week when I had all those clips of movies that I was pretty hyped-up about seeing? Well, I was saving one special film for its own seperate post. You have one week and 3 days to build up your bladder muscles, cause there is a good chance you are gonna pee yourself next Friday when Be Kind, Rewind comes out. If you haven't seen the trailer yet (which you can, at the Alliace Films site) or haven't checked it out on IMDB or Wikipedia, then I'll give you the gist. Jack Black and Mos Def own a video store and Jack Black accidentally erases all the movies from the tapes (he is magnetic - don't question it) so he and Mos Def decide to make their own movies. Like the re-do Ghostbusters and Robocop and shit. But it is all really poorly done and the acting is terrible. But if you need any more reason to go and see it, two words; Michel Gondry. That's right, the man who brought us Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and...uh...Block Party (the movie or the band? Uh...both). Also, there's this...Jack Black and Mos Def remaking Driving Miss Daisy, which may be the cutest thing since the time I shit out a family of kittens into a pile of cupcakes. I love that Mos Def is covered in freckly zitty spots, too. Morgan Freeman always grosses me out with that; it's like, get some Proactive, homesquirrel. What is that on his face? I'm sure it's not acne. Are they millions of skintags? Skintags are SO GROSS!! Anyways, Be Kind, Rewind is going to be Totally Terrific! I urge you to check it out - or you could just watch School of Rock a couple of times and throw in the episodes of The Boondocks where Mos Def plays Gangstalicious, but I doubt it will fill the void.
Anyways, for more information, check out the Be Kind, Rewind site.

2.11.2008

Typically Terrific

Hey guys - short post today - tomorrow will be better. I just took a bus from my parents house up in the boonies at 4am and am tired as shit. Anyways, this is Aretha Franklin doing her best Ursula the Sea Witch at the Grammys last night. This woman is a fat pig and I love it. Bitch can sing, so she can gain as much poundage as she damn well wants. I didn’t watch the Grammys, but I basically know who won. Winehouse, Winehouse, Winehouse. No Feist, but what can you do? Homegirl will sweep the Junos.
Peace out! See you tomorry!

2.08.2008

Stop...boner time.

Ooooh, Anton Chigur, you can air-gun my face anytime. What does that mean? Anyways, people thought I had lobsters coming out of my ears when I mentioned that I thought Javier Bardem was hot in No Country for Old Men. Embrace it! He is hot shit in that movie. Maybe its the 70's denim suit, maybe its the hair. Maybe it was the raw power coming from being able to kill a crapload of innocent Texans. Who knows, but he was something sexy in that movie.
But the reason he is this Friday's Boner Time candidate is because he is such a cutie. Okay, when you think of Spanish guys, you probably think of overty-sexual pseudo-pervs who speak in double-entendres. Like Antonio Banderas. Or Chris Kattan doing Antonio Banderas. But Javier Bardem (whos name is really fun to say) is so shy and polite and probably doesn't describe himself as mucho caliente. I imagine he wakes Peneolpe Cruz up every morning with a knock at the door saying "hey-loh my switt flowayres, 'ere ees somme of de breakfasts in bed. Ah mad yoo toasts and de jam and de eggs".
And then she goes "Oyo meeo! Javeer! De eggs are like de smiling face!"
"I knows...I made de bacon be de smile"
"Oh, I have nevar sine so cute food. You make me smile like de breakfast face!"
"Dat is de point...I leeve to make yoo smile. Come! Let us go and get some peppers at de market to make de Paella, den we come back to le hacienda to watch de football match on de televisione".
I need a life.

You can find different sex tips online and being able to perform for your partner at your best is important in many couples relationships. There are different sex games that include different sex toys and some other methods to make the relationship more exciting.

2.06.2008

Nooo! Not Count Kikula!

I googled "Kirsten Dunst gross" and this picture came up. In the words of the immortal Miss Cleo the cards don't lie! And in this case, the Reverse Vampire don't Like Sunlight. Anyways, moving on to the real story here. Kirsten Dunst has been a little AWOL from LA lately, no? Well, there's a reason for that. She is on a 3 week vacation to her homeland, Transylvania. Kidding! She's in Rehab! I know, right? Homegirl runs on blood and vodka and camels - what will they do when they take away her vodka and blood? I can only assume they don't give all-you-can-drink blood to recovering vampires in the 'hab. But yeah, Star Magazine is reporting that she is Lindsay Lohan's old haunt, Cirque Lodge to recover from a 'substance abuse' problem. Come on, when will they just say it straight - bitch has had more snow up her nose than a snowblower during a Nebraska winter. I am guessing it's coke and booze, although it could be pills. Its defs not meth, because her wonky chompers would have fallen out years ago if that was the case. Meth is such a two-faced ho; it makes you a skinny bones jones, but turns your teefs into fugly little kernels. Poor Keek. I actually feel for this girl, cause as I have said before, I feel like her and I could be friends. Out of all the dumb hollywood skanks, she is my favourite. I would make a sorority house and she would be in it. And the house would be made of ciggies and Rayban Wayfarers. But yeah, I can't get over this. Is there something in the water in LA? Either you pregnant or in rehab. You know what I can't wait for? Pics of Keek all fat! Oooh, this is gonna be sweet! Homegirl is gonna plump up like a Hebrew National.

2.05.2008

Fragile...it must be Italian.

My parents were driving around yesterday (they are retired; it's what they do) and they saw this house with a Christmas Story leg lamp. I honestly didn't know they actually made these lamps. I knew they made Christmas ornaments of the 'major award', but really? A whole lamp? And up well past Christmas? I love these people! The best part is, my parents took this picture in bumfuck nowhere (aka Coburg, Ontario) where there is no such thing as Irony. These people have this lamp up in their home because they love A Christmas Story, goddamn it! Anyways, the owners then drove up into their driveway as my Pops was taking the picture, and he got freaked out and jumped in the car. My parents sped away like the Duke Boys. Again, retirees. You can't control them.

2.03.2008

Happy Monday!

Son, unless you live in Kuwait or are Helen Keller, you would know that yesterday was the Superbowl (aka Like I Give a Shit). I can't be bothered to watch any part of it; what's the point?
Football...is lame.
Tom Brady...is hot, but not enough for me to want to watch.
The Half-Time Show...is so lame. If I wanted no-talent 40-year-olds and Sting, I would watch the Grammys.
The Pre-Game...is 4 hours long and involves little-to-no cartoons or jokes. No thanks!
So instead of watching the Shitterbowl, I decided to take a trip over to my good friend Apple Trailer's house to check out what will be coming to a theatre near you. I mostly got excited because I have recently seen the trailer for Baby Mama and I would take a hobo's load to the face to see it a week earlier than everyone else (sorry, that was more vulgar than it needed to be). Anyways, I am like the Queen of Losers right now, cause as I am sitting on my couch writing this, I am wearing a Purdue University sweatshirt (I did not go to Purdue, by the way) and letting the cat play with a $10 laser pointer I bought this weekend. Specifically for the cat, I should add. I also bought him a little mouse filled with catnip (aka Cat Crack) and almost, almost bought a little sweater for him. Shit, I need help!! I can't keep buying this little furry mongrel presents! Can you accidently become a born-again virgin from slowly turning into a cat lady? I think you can. Anyways, here are a few movies that I can't wait to get out and see. Spoiler Alert: there hasn't been a Meet the Superbads or a Shrek-ic Movie made yet, but don't let your guard down - I can assume it will be soon (sadly).

Baby Mama
April 25-08
Okay, I am pretty pumped about this movie. Amy Poehler can get a little lame some/most of the time, but Tina Fey can write a good movie. Mean Girls was the shit. What, you doubt me? Go fuck yourself, that movie is teriffic. Anyways, Baby Mama seems like it might bet a little too "touching" but with Dax Shepherd playing the husband, I think we have a recipe for a funny movie. Also, John Hodgman as a doctor. Great.


Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Summer 2008
Oh crap, okay, there are some things in this movie that are no-fails. First, Mila Kunis is in it. She is very very funny. Second, Bill Hader is in it. Very funny and also very cute. Also also, I don't like Kristin Bell, but people seemed to like Veronica Mars, so I will assume she is a good addition to this movie. The movie seems a little transparent (obvs he hooks up and falls in love with Kunis) but I think that the jokes will be a-plenty.


You Don't Mess with the Zohan
Summer 2008
Remember when Adam Sandler was funny? You know, before Spanglish and Click and I Hate Gays (aka I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)? Well, I hate to say it - but I think funny Sandler might be back. Please watch this trailer - it looks hilarious. Plus, minimal Rob Scheider, which is always good Small doses, people. Anyways, if you can't joke about terrorists in New York City, then what can you joke about?


Speed Racer
May 9-08
I should stress that I DID want to see this movie, until I watched the trailer and discovered how gay-gay-gay (gay as in "bad") this looks. Holy shit, you can't "serious"-up Speed Racer. They should have made it super-campy and had people talking way too fast for their own good. Take a look at the original theme and tell me they couldn't have made an awesome parody instead of a crime-racing-drama-2 fast 2 furious bullshit-fest.



Harold and Kumar 2
???
Fucking Awesome.


Run Fatboy, Run
March 28-08
It's no secret that I have intense crush on Simon Pegg. Hot Fuzz is the shit. He is basically my husband (you know, if Craig from Degrassi turns me down - Schoolerton High sucks, btw) so i was happy as a pig in shit when I saw I am 2 months away from a new Simon Pegg awesome-fest. Also, Hank Azaria is in it too, playing the asshole who he has to beat in a 26 mile race. They could call this movie Simon Pegg does squats in spandex shorts for 90 minutes and I would still pay money to see it. And not Disney Dollars, either. Real money. That I stole.
"I'm stealing, Daddy, I'm stealing!!"
"That's my little dude!"

2.01.2008

Ghost Ride da Whip!

Hey guys. Sorry I didn't rap with you earlier, but it was the apocalypse of all snowstorms this morning and I didn't make it into work. It was just me and the cat, and a stressful time trying to get work done. Especially when the cat kept biting me. I know he's just "playing" but it seems very asshole-y to me. Anyways, I stumbled upon this video this afternoon, and I'm sure you've seen it hundreds of times by now, but I haven't. So go suck an egg.
Videos like this make me so ashamed to be white.
See you on Monday, pimples!!