Happy Monday!

Son, unless you live in Kuwait or are Helen Keller, you would know that yesterday was the Superbowl (aka Like I Give a Shit). I can't be bothered to watch any part of it; what's the point?
Football...is lame.
Tom Brady...is hot, but not enough for me to want to watch.
The Half-Time Show...is so lame. If I wanted no-talent 40-year-olds and Sting, I would watch the Grammys.
The Pre-Game...is 4 hours long and involves little-to-no cartoons or jokes. No thanks!
So instead of watching the Shitterbowl, I decided to take a trip over to my good friend Apple Trailer's house to check out what will be coming to a theatre near you. I mostly got excited because I have recently seen the trailer for Baby Mama and I would take a hobo's load to the face to see it a week earlier than everyone else (sorry, that was more vulgar than it needed to be). Anyways, I am like the Queen of Losers right now, cause as I am sitting on my couch writing this, I am wearing a Purdue University sweatshirt (I did not go to Purdue, by the way) and letting the cat play with a $10 laser pointer I bought this weekend. Specifically for the cat, I should add. I also bought him a little mouse filled with catnip (aka Cat Crack) and almost, almost bought a little sweater for him. Shit, I need help!! I can't keep buying this little furry mongrel presents! Can you accidently become a born-again virgin from slowly turning into a cat lady? I think you can. Anyways, here are a few movies that I can't wait to get out and see. Spoiler Alert: there hasn't been a Meet the Superbads or a Shrek-ic Movie made yet, but don't let your guard down - I can assume it will be soon (sadly).

Baby Mama
April 25-08
Okay, I am pretty pumped about this movie. Amy Poehler can get a little lame some/most of the time, but Tina Fey can write a good movie. Mean Girls was the shit. What, you doubt me? Go fuck yourself, that movie is teriffic. Anyways, Baby Mama seems like it might bet a little too "touching" but with Dax Shepherd playing the husband, I think we have a recipe for a funny movie. Also, John Hodgman as a doctor. Great.

Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Summer 2008
Oh crap, okay, there are some things in this movie that are no-fails. First, Mila Kunis is in it. She is very very funny. Second, Bill Hader is in it. Very funny and also very cute. Also also, I don't like Kristin Bell, but people seemed to like Veronica Mars, so I will assume she is a good addition to this movie. The movie seems a little transparent (obvs he hooks up and falls in love with Kunis) but I think that the jokes will be a-plenty.

You Don't Mess with the Zohan
Summer 2008
Remember when Adam Sandler was funny? You know, before Spanglish and Click and I Hate Gays (aka I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry)? Well, I hate to say it - but I think funny Sandler might be back. Please watch this trailer - it looks hilarious. Plus, minimal Rob Scheider, which is always good Small doses, people. Anyways, if you can't joke about terrorists in New York City, then what can you joke about?

Speed Racer
May 9-08
I should stress that I DID want to see this movie, until I watched the trailer and discovered how gay-gay-gay (gay as in "bad") this looks. Holy shit, you can't "serious"-up Speed Racer. They should have made it super-campy and had people talking way too fast for their own good. Take a look at the original theme and tell me they couldn't have made an awesome parody instead of a crime-racing-drama-2 fast 2 furious bullshit-fest.

Harold and Kumar 2
Fucking Awesome.

Run Fatboy, Run
March 28-08
It's no secret that I have intense crush on Simon Pegg. Hot Fuzz is the shit. He is basically my husband (you know, if Craig from Degrassi turns me down - Schoolerton High sucks, btw) so i was happy as a pig in shit when I saw I am 2 months away from a new Simon Pegg awesome-fest. Also, Hank Azaria is in it too, playing the asshole who he has to beat in a 26 mile race. They could call this movie Simon Pegg does squats in spandex shorts for 90 minutes and I would still pay money to see it. And not Disney Dollars, either. Real money. That I stole.
"I'm stealing, Daddy, I'm stealing!!"
"That's my little dude!"


deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

Yes! A hobo semen joke, and a Schoolerton High (Our Rivals) reference. I am on cloud nine.

Also you need to stop with the whole becoming a cat-lady thing. You are starting to worry me, and the transformation cannot be cured by anything (except for a Hobo's load in the face.)

"Toronto NYG fan" said...

I also thought football was lame until the last 40 seconds of this Superbowl!!!!!!!!!!!! You obviously missed Eli Manning's pass to Plaxico Buress for the winning TD. SUPREME!

Quite the preemie post mayor!

The Mayor said...

Ahaaha, I’m reading this going “Eli who? Plaxico what?!?" Meh, I wrote it last night during the superbowl, and I think that when that touchdown was being scored, I was playing Blades of Steel on my Wii.