2.06.2008

Nooo! Not Count Kikula!

I googled "Kirsten Dunst gross" and this picture came up. In the words of the immortal Miss Cleo the cards don't lie! And in this case, the Reverse Vampire don't Like Sunlight. Anyways, moving on to the real story here. Kirsten Dunst has been a little AWOL from LA lately, no? Well, there's a reason for that. She is on a 3 week vacation to her homeland, Transylvania. Kidding! She's in Rehab! I know, right? Homegirl runs on blood and vodka and camels - what will they do when they take away her vodka and blood? I can only assume they don't give all-you-can-drink blood to recovering vampires in the 'hab. But yeah, Star Magazine is reporting that she is Lindsay Lohan's old haunt, Cirque Lodge to recover from a 'substance abuse' problem. Come on, when will they just say it straight - bitch has had more snow up her nose than a snowblower during a Nebraska winter. I am guessing it's coke and booze, although it could be pills. Its defs not meth, because her wonky chompers would have fallen out years ago if that was the case. Meth is such a two-faced ho; it makes you a skinny bones jones, but turns your teefs into fugly little kernels. Poor Keek. I actually feel for this girl, cause as I have said before, I feel like her and I could be friends. Out of all the dumb hollywood skanks, she is my favourite. I would make a sorority house and she would be in it. And the house would be made of ciggies and Rayban Wayfarers. But yeah, I can't get over this. Is there something in the water in LA? Either you pregnant or in rehab. You know what I can't wait for? Pics of Keek all fat! Oooh, this is gonna be sweet! Homegirl is gonna plump up like a Hebrew National.

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