3.12.2008

America's Next Top Forever 21 Employee, Episode 4

Okay, this is gonna be super-short this week, because as you know, I am sick as hell. Fuck you, white blood cells! Do your damn job, you lazy assholes!! Ugh, this may be a little messed-up because I just drank 2 mugs of Neo-Citran. Delicious Neo-Citran. I really wish they sponsored me. Because my AA sponsor said he can't work with me anymore. Something about being a 'lost cause'. Pfft, moving on. Just make with the pictures, Edith...

This week's winner would not be my first choice. Probably my second. Still good, though...Anya
Anya is great - the judges had it right on - Anya is disgusting in real life and gorgeous in pictures. Have you ever heard the saying she is why cavemen painted on walls? Anya is why Adobe created Photoshop.

And of course, there has to be one ultimate loser. I didn't see this one coming...

(Note: when I went to get the picture for Amis, there wasn’t one posted. It’s like the CW and ANTM are so embarrassed of her, they want to eliminate her from everyone’s memories. In all fairness, though, her shot was abysmal).

Amos
Oh wait, yes I did! Why, honestly, was Amis picked? Hell, why was Kimberly picked? Anyways, how lame was that girls headband? Ugh, I am SO OVER those American Apparel headbands. Everytime I see one, I want to punch the wearer in the face. Same goes for: leggings, Iranian scarves, H&M's fake leather bomber jackets, Wayfarers. DUNZO.

But enough about played out Urban Outfitters employees. Let's check out the rest of the vermin in the Rat's Nest, shall we? Aimee
So boring. So effing boring. I think she will be next to go.Claire
There are two things that bother me about Claire:
1) Her hair looked so much better when it was black and half-shaved. She looks too much like Rosie O'Donnell's girlfriend now.
2) Homegirl is hurting for a bra. Can we not get her a bra? Please.Jeremy's Mom
I know that I make fun of Dominique for looking like a Soccer Mom, but for reals - she is an inspiration to MILFs and Cougars everywhere. Good for you, Dominique! You can be 40 and sexy!Fatima
Did you watch her walk? Oh. My. God. I don't even know what to call that. Miss J called it marching, but I call it prancing. She prances like when I call my dog to dinner. And let me tell you, my dog is a prancy-pants. America's love affair with Fatima is over.Katterginna
I was glad she won the runway challenge...untill I realized that her prize was a Lot 29 photo-shoot. Ew! That is like a public shaming! I would rather people find out I suck dick for weed than to find my face in a Lot 29 ad. You think I'm joking, but i am dead serious. Lot 29 will haunt your ass for years.Lauren
Walks like a newborn baby deer. Also, if she says 'I'm a punk girl' one more time, I will hunt her down (it won't be hard - there are only 2 Hot Topics in New York) and slap that ho. And Lauren - you obvs don't want to be there! If modeling was what you are 'living for' or whatever bullshit models spout out, then you would have learned to walk and pose by now. Kick her oooout!Marvita
Next week she gets into a pose-off with Benny Ninja. Ooh! Lover's quarrell! Marvita has plenty of gifts; long legs, strong eyes. But someone needs to get her the greatest gift of all. Proactive.Stacy-Ann
I am so bored with Stacy-Ann too. She needs to leave. No drama, no fighting. She doesn't pick sides. Long story short, not good for TV.Whitney
I would have picked Whitney for the win, but Anya stole that shit. Also, she gets into a crazy fight next week where she get's called a racist by Dominique. I would love to say the fight goes somewhere, but this crew is so dullsville that it will go like this:

Whitney: Black girls have better weaves than white girls
Dominique: You is racist!!
Whitney: DON'T CALL ME RACIST!!
Dominique: Okay...I'm sorry. That was out of line.
Whitney: I accept your apology.

Ugh, so boring. Anyways, let's all watch next week as Jaslene crawls her way back into another episode (she needs the $$) and lets all cross our fingers that Tyra doesn't sing again (oh god! Her voice killed my ears!!)

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