3.26.2008

America's Next Top Forever 21 Employee, Episode 6

First off, my one and only Intern, Intern Tylerface, has his own website!! That's right - you can read his hilariousness at Tylerface's Space. I strongly suggest you check it out; not that it is much different from here, but it is cute nonetheless.
ON TO THE SKANKS!!
The Parade of Lame continues this week with Claire hating Dominique, Whitney hating Dominique, Lauren hating Dominique, Anya hating sunlight. My god, could this episode get any more dull? They were fighting over a fucking alarm clock! Remember when the littlest thing would set these hos off? Now it's like they internalize everything and the one time they blow up, it's for something super-trivial. Jesus, my sister's alarm clock used to go off all the time while she slept through it. You know what I did? Bitch about out? Hells no, I yanked that shit out of the wall. Bingo bango. Usually my sister would lose her shit once I pulled the clock (with due reason - it used to take her so long to program the time and alarm) so she would try to get me back by turning my alarm off while I slept or by using my toothbrush to scratch her ass. V for Vendetta was based off our relationship. Anyways, let's talk about these hoodrats, shall we?
This week Tyra met the girls at a dance studio to show them how to pose like they were in pain. If this was the future and we had two-way televisions, I would have won that challenge. I am in extreme pain everytime Tyra's mug is on the screen. I'm sure Tyra put the girls in red; Tyra needed them to take the attention off her fat ass in that tight bodysuit. Surriously, when she was lying on her back grabbing her ankles - I would bet a good $1000 that she split the crotch out of those leggings. The stitching must have been hanging in there for dear life. But enough about Tyra's thunder thighs (really - I can't talk about it anymore. I get the same feeling when I eat too much cottage cheese. Very nauseous).
Shall we talk about the pictures now? Yes? I agree. This week, they had to dress up like music genres. LAME!! They should have just done more nude shoots with Nigel Barker. Oh wells, let's start with who won; Fatty Fatty Fat Fat aka The Cheesecake Factory aka Whitney!!Grunge
I am SO HAPPY homegirl won, cause she is a disaster and she deserved to come first this week. I would love to see her in the final 3, but she has a bit of a glandular problem and that seems to be a sideliner in the modeling industry. Maybe she will be lucky enough to work after the show? I am thinking Addition Elle or Torrid.

And who packed their Samsonites this week? That's right, I totally called it...Aimee, R&B
What a boring piece of toast. I hated when Anya went for the photoshoot and she was all like "I'm a mormon, so that would be improper of me because my body is a temple". Yeah, my body is a temple too; the kind that has seen a couple hundred lonely Monks sleep in it (what does that even mean?). What the hell kind of modeling did she think she was going to do? I can just imagine her practicing her JC Penney poses at home; wearing Blossom hats and overalls with one strap undone. Tommy Girl!

Anya, Punk
Wow, I can't believe it, but she actually pulled off the punk thing. Although is this really what they thing Punk is? Wow, the ANTM producers are old.
PS - Anya, get some toner for your hair; you are starting to ape Betty White.

Claire, Country
What the hell?!?! It's like they took anything that has ever been associated with Country and barfed it up on Claire. What the hell?!?! Oh my god, I was embarrassed for her - she looked like Jessica Simpson in Blonde Ambition.

Dominique, Folk
Ugly ugly ugly. When will she get kicked off?!?

Fatima, Metal
This shot is so goofy and stupid AND I LOVE IT!! When you are essentially doing a parody of Bret Michaels, then do it up campy. Although her pants are dangerously close to Camel Toe Territory. Fatima - always remember to do a 'creep sweep'.

Katterginna, Emo
She's gonna get a hair cut next week!! I can't wait to see it. Hopefully, she will look a little less 1-900-RUSSIAN-SLUTS.

Lauren, Pop
What is this? She looks like an extra in a Devo music video. They probably toyed with the idea of Lauren doing the Punk shot, but thought she wouldn't be believable enough. "I'm so punk rock!" - yeah, sure you are, Lauren. Keep listening to your Clash Greatest Hits CD.

Stacy Ann, House
You’re watching MTV 4: the alternative to the alternative. Next up, Deep House Dish.
Woooo! Woo! Welcome to Deep House Dish, the only show devoted to house music, and dishing out the latest house, and techno music stars. I am your host, DJ Dynasty Handbag.

Next week...Lauren loses her shit (argh! So punk rawk!!) and Whiteny gets told she is a lardass. Basically, this week's episode Part 2. See you then!!

No comments: