3.25.2008

I CAN HAS DOOSHBAGZ?

Click to make big. Trust, you will want to see the fine details.

Ah mah gahd! People, I don't want to trivialize any of your emails or letters or whathaveyou.
But.
Take a look at the picture above, and hang your heads in shame. This is THE BEST letter I have ever received (that's actually saying a lot, because one time I got a letter from Princess Diana when I was a little girl and that was the shit back in the day. I also got a autographed picture of Mr. T, but they are both headed for the fireplace aka the open fire in a garbage can behind my apartment building). There is a new Baby in the house; hit the bricks once-was adorable 3-year-old.
Anyways, let me give you a little backstory. This is from Josie, a reader who lives in Ottawa, Ontario. She saw the post a while back calling for drawings of inanimate objects come to life or American Apparel dooshbags. Some of you would do one; she did both. In the same drawing. And cut and pasted the whole thing to an 8.5 x 11 piece of construction paper. Ho-lee shit, this is great, eh? PS - in case you can't really see it, the American Apparel model is made out of a tampon. Something tells me Josie spends a little too much time smelling car exhaust (GUILTY! That shit smells great). Let's take a look at the 6 Signs of American Apparel Douchebaggery:
1. Classic American Apparel headband
True dat. Any fucker wearing one of those Tard Snaps should be burned. Ugh, in the words of Regina George: "Stop trying to make Headbands happen! It's not going to happen!"
2. Dirt Stache
Growing minimal, patchy facial hair makes you look like Justin Timberlake, not Vincent Gallo. You basically look like NSYNC. And for the guys who are essentially growing teen staches? Take it easy! You are all starting to look like a little JD Samson army.
3. V-Neck girl-coloured shirt
I can't hate on this one - they are called the 25/25/50 tees and they are awesome. I also like how guys buy the girl colours (pink, mauve, pale yellow) and the girls buy the boy colours (navy, hunter green, maroon).
4. Fanny Pack
It says "...why??", but when I first read it, I thought it said "...gay!" I clearly need glasses. You can't take Fanny Packs as your own, Hipsters; they are owned by Red State Vacationing Moms. The Peggy Hills of the world, if you will. Anyways, why do they embrace the Fanny Pack? Pfft...I dunno. Cause they are stupid, I guess.
5. Metallic Spandex
You know how I feel about metallic spandex.
6. Striped Tube Socks
I love that the striped tube sock plays a pretty prominent part in the AA advertising schematic, but have you honestly ever tried to stuff those little shits into shoes? Hells naw, is right! They are so thick, you look like Cinderella's ugly-ass stepsister trying to squeeze her foot into the glass slipper. Cute looking? Yes. Practical use as socks? No.

Anyways, enjoy this little piece of art. Tres Bon!

8 comments:

I can read, can you? said...

Mayor needs a pair of spectacles!!!

It reads Fanny Pack...(why??) not Gay!!

The Mayor said...

Eeeets Feexed!

Jenn L said...

that is quite amazing! good work!

tylerface said...

oi! that tamp. heavy flow? wide set?

Anonymous said...

Josie is brilliant!

Anonymous said...

Josie is a douche, in the French sort of way. Meaning she is actually a shower. So, in sum, she is refreshing and feels nice on my skin.
Love Jill

Markus said...

I know Josie, she is a crazed lunatic and owns all pieces of the outlined american apparel ...including the dirt stache haha

alex davey illustrations said...

"Josie is a reader from Ottawa" stop "blog-fan"-ing this up. You used to babysit her and her brother in UXBRIDGE and would frequently loose sandals at UxPool.