America's Next Top Italian-Language-Raper

Okay, so I really didn't have a good image to use because as you know it was CoverGirl commercial week, and Ooooooo'wee, were they bad. When I say bad, I mean horrendous. Those commercials gave my eyes blisters. But anyways, we have the lovely Miss J up there, being his fine self. Also, I would love to re-name this episode The Week I Laughed Out Loud. Miss J and the comments from Tyra and the like were really funny; I normally don't laugh out loud at anything (I really have more of a smug throat-clear instead) but I was howling. That is totally a word my Mom would say. Howling. Or I could also say that this week's episode was a riot. A real barn burner. Anyways, let's just get to the critiques of the commercials, shall wees?

This Week's Winner...
Okay, y'all know how much I can't stands FGM-Fatima (oh shit, did I actually go there? Was I raised in the garbage? Answer: Yes) but her commercial was great! I have to agree with Tyra; she was a little too sexy for a CoverGirl commercial. Fatima, save that smut for NYC Color. But she had fun with it, didn't totally look like she was reading a foreign language off cue cards AND was sick. So, good for you Fats.

Don't Let the Door Hit You where the Good Lord Split You...
Oh Lauren. To quote the Bay City Rollers...bye bye baby, baby good bye. I know that I will take some surrious flak from Tylerface for this, but I really didn't like her. She had the personality of a cardboard box of oily rags. Yes, she took good pictures, but she couldn't walk, she couldn't talk, she couldn't dress herself. Think of it this way - now she will have all the time in the world to sit in her Williamsburg apartment, placing strategic rips in her CBGBs t-shirts, and 'rawking out' to some serious punk rock aka Good Charlotte.

Holy shit, Anya was stuggling with the words in that commerical, but she was charming. She is defs going to be in the bottom 2. I don't know if she will win, but I would put her at even-odds I guess.

I know I am the minority here, but how great is Whitney?!? I love that bitch. She was annoying as hell during that commercial; she always looks like this girl I went to High School with. She would constantly be smiling a big, fat, fake smile, and would answer questions in class like she was on a pageant stage. If Whitney drops the Miss Crystal Crown Illinois act, she could be around for another 1 or 2 weeks.

Not much to say. She was getting a little mouthy during judging. I thought she did pretty well in her commercial. She worked a pretty tight accent. I wonder what other languages she speaks? Obs Russian and 1-900.

Oh.My.God. How funny was it when they are watching Dom's commercial and Miss J holds up a sign that reads 'Hells to the No'? I just about pissed my pants. And when he said 'I still think she's a brother', I did pee my pants. Alls I'm saying is that Dominique has yet to deny that she has a weiner and beans between her legs, which can only mean one thing. Dude looks like a lady.

Next week...Tyra takes some lame shots with the Digital SLR she got for Christmas and I am guessing that the bottom two will be Dominique and Whitney. If I had to put money on it, I would say that Dominique will get the axe next week (hopefully on her junk) but it could also be a two-fer. If that's the case, Dominique and Whitney will be taking the red-eye back to the good ol' US of A.


deedee said...


howl...never,unless we're talking about Ellie!


Alice's right foot said...

Usually the commercials are bad enough in english, this was...uncomfortably awful. Bottom two, I'm sorry should have been Lauren (she deserved to go, it was baaaaad) and Dominique - not Whitney. Whitney's take was as fake as the people in infomercials (it blends and chops?! Amazing!) but CoverGirl commercials are generally pretty fake looking. Dominique was speaking gibberish while continuing to look manny. What was with the "Brazilia!" she threw into her dialogue?
Highlight - Anya eating the pavement!
Next week - they all have to wear hideous wigs!