America's Next Model who will get a Seventeen cover, and then straight to the Where Are They Now? pile is...WHITNEY

Recount! How did Whitney win? Don't get me wrong; she was my clear favourite. But Anya had it in the bag! I was honestly shocked. Shocked. I can't believe Whitney won. I was really looking forward to hearing Anya's crazy-English acceptance speech. Wouldn't that have been just precious?
I am of the thank-you Tyra!! Being the model on top is just what my heart desired in all it's dreams!! Miss J, Paulina, Nigel Barker, you will all be in my mind for the years to come and glitter!
Whitney just gave us some South Florida Wal-Mart cosmetics department employee bullshit. "Tee hee! I won!" Boooring! Also, if Anya had won, we would have gotten a full 3 pages of Anya-talk in Seventeen. It would be like the incoherant ramblings of a crackhead. The only interview I would have wanted to read more would have been Jael from Cycle 8. Now that would have been one hell of an interview.

Anyways, congrats Whitney! I hear Rock of Love 3 is casting; looks like you could be back on TV in no time!

El Scandalo! FourFour has some very interesting conspiracy theories pusstulating around Whitney's win. And, like a zit about to explode all over your bathroom mirror (sorry, it's too early for that shit) I am going to print it. So here are a few beach shots of WhitWhit. I'm sure you have seen them, but in case you have a life and don't spend 20 hours a day on the internet, here they are:
Uh oh, someone not loo-keeng so fat, ese! Rumour is that Whitney was approached by Tyra & Co. (like Tiffany & Co...but you know, less classy) to gain a few and they would put her on the show. What, they can't get fatties to audition anymore? Offer a couple of 2-for-1 P'zone coupons, and you will have more people lining up to audition than Maury has Baby Mamas wanting paternity tests. Anyways, Whitney agreed, gained "10 to 20 lbs" (yeah right - more like 40) and thus gave us the WhitWhit we all know and love. The source (god, I feel like a newsreel announcer from Dick Tracy. Who says source?) claims that this was all a set-up and that she would be guaranteed a spot in the final 3. Who should we believe? An anonymous tipster with a fairly believable story? Whitney and her downhome, Paula Deen shit-eating grin? Hells, let's ask Anya:

Ooh! The Whitney was very nice body, but then the weight came on and the smile was always there. She loves to have the big heart, and she represents all that is special in the witnessing of modeling!

Wait, what? Let me smoke a doob laced with paint thinner; I need to get good and high before that makes any sense.


casu said...

Yay for Whit-Whit!
That girl's got some nice jiggle in her walk.

Jenn L said...

boo for whitney. sorry to say it the only reason tyra picked her cause she was "plus size". she really had nothing on anya.

and i agree with the mayor that interview would have been killer.