Montreal, Part 2

Okay, so while in Montreal we stopped in a dollar store because a week or two earlier my friend had seen these awesome figures. At first I thought they were ceramic (well, resin. Ceramic is too high-class for a dollar store) statues of lesbians. But upon further inspection...Oh yeah, these bad boys are Asian pop stars. Asian male popstars. The Asians love their men very feminine; I am not sure why. But they are all over the long hair and designer jeans and make up. I guess that is why they go berserk for Michael Jackson. Ew! These kind of look like Lil' Jackos (minus the kid-touchies). Speaking of 'kid touchies', this weekend we developed a very good theory as to why girls become strippers and pose for Suicide Girls and such. TBAU (or T'baw); Touched By an Uncle. Girl getting a little slutty at a party and says she'll suck a D for $5? Touched by an uncle. Someone has a few too many innapropriate Myspace pics on their Facebook? Touched by an uncle. Stripped to put yourself through college? Touched by an uncle. Working at McDonalds at 28? Touched by an uncle.
Now kids, incest is NO JOKE. For serious - I read Flowers in the Attic and Petals on the Wind, and incest is fucked and sad and really messes up your noggin. But for real - strippers be trippin. Agreed? Back to the Asian Trannies!!Okay, I love all of them for various reasons, but let's go left to right.
1) Okay, there is so much going on here. First off, the yellow Live Strong bracelet. Second, the flowers (he is so sensitive!!! heart heart heart!), and...are those saddle shoes? I think so. Amazing. This is the Asian pop star when he takes you to the prom. he doesn't need a suit cause he is so REBELLIOUS!!!
2) In Ontario, we call this look the Sudbury Tuxedo. Denim Dan!
3) You can't really see it, but this one is wearing a Ruff Ryders necklace. Yes, this guy is BADASSS. 3 S's badass. That's serious. I heard that this guy abuses pitbulls too, but for another reason all together (Number 9 special with rice). Fuck! Sorry Asians!!!
4) Microphone guy. He is serious about his career as a crooner and would never take it lightly. He is out there on the stages of Osaka Prefecture and Hokkaido every night singing his heart out to one special lady (it could be you!) He is also so comfortable in his own skin he doesn't mind looking like a dead ringer for a skinny Rosie O'Donnell.

Anyways, it was a fun-as-hell weekend and I can't wait to go back! I am going to be going back for Fringe (aka Plays and Theatre and Bullcrap) because I want to see Degrassi: The Musical. It is going to rock my socks off. And if it doesn't, then feces will be thrown.


Marina said...

the Sudbury Tuxedo!!!!!!!!!! Hahahah Oh man I've never heard that, but I like it!

Jenn L said...

there is a degrassi musical at fringe?!! that is mental.

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

Asian pop star statuettes!?! I GOTTA CATCH 'EM ALL!!! One day those may be worth tens of dozens of cents.

Also, Degrassi: The Musical? TIGHT! I bet it will be like Rent but with less AIDS and less Heroin. You Cannucks get all the strange cool musicals, like Evil Dead: The Musical, and...uhhh... Camp Cariboo: The Musical, and let us not forget CNTM: The Musical.

I strongly suggest we get to work on The Skip Raid Musical: The Life and Times of The Mayor.

Musical Numbers:
Act I
1. Hey There! (Skids, Scrubs & Pigeons)
2. For Serious
3. Oh, That Tyra
4. There's Good Candy In America
5. Mayor Storytime
6. The Ginger For Today
7. Bake, Bake, Bake! (Then Decorate.)
8. Were You Raised In The Garbage?
9. El Tango De Tylerface
10. Happy Friday/Crappy Monday
11. Fat Cat Costume Gavotte

Act II
12. Hot Bologna Sammich & Cold Kraft Dinner
13. Schoolerton High (Our Rivals)
14. I Hate Anonymous
15. My American Apparel Tee
16. Stop... Boner Time
17.Skin Is Disgustingly Interesting
18.Obligatory Love Song
19.I Have Become Cathy
20.Hey There Reprise (What's Crappenin' Now?)
Curtain Call

Let's make this happen!

Anonymous said...

it's called the calgary tuxedo

Daniel R. said...

I have gotten a sneak peek at Degrassi! and I can honestly say it is EXACTLY what you think it is. Not only ABOUT Degrassi Junior High, but what I would imagine a musical put on by the original CAST of DJH would be like. Also, Heather and Erica are played by the same person. With hilarious results. And Wheels rocks!!

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