7.06.2008

Fuck You, Entertainment Weekly: The Top 100 List for the Rest of Us - 61-70

61. Moulin Rouge! (2001)
I remember way back, when I was but 16 or 17, and hated the world (my sister would imitate me by scoffing "pfft...society...") I went to see Moulin Rouge! with my friend Rebecca St. John. Since I had an image to maintain, I spent the whole movie slumped in my seat going "this is sewwww lame" and rolling my eyes at everything. It was my finest performance to date; I had to act like I hated that movie, when meanwhile I was in lurve with it. It's just so romantic and gorgeous and Nicole Kidman is terrific. I can't believe she was in Practical Magic.
On EWs List? YES

62. Natural Born Killers (1994)
This movie is always on every Top 10 list, every Favourites list, every Culturally Significant list et cetera et cetera et cetera and it 100% deserves to be there. Stunning, fantastic movie.
On EWs List? YES

63. Paris, Texas (1984)
Please watch this movie. Please please please. It is so good. BUT don't watch it when you are depressed; I don't want to be mentioned in your suicide letter.
On EWs List? NO

64. Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)
There are plenty of celebrities and musicians and actors who have died too early, but is there any sadder than the Lovable Tubbo? I honestly really miss Chris Farley and John Candy. I really really wish they were still alive. Anyways, P, T, and A is fucking hilarious, and that is difficult for me to say, because I hate (HATE) Steve Martin. But allow me for a second to quote one of my favourite lines (my parents usually earmuffed me when a movie had Fuck in it, but they would let P, T, and A slide.

Car Rental Agent: How may I help you?
Neal: You can start by wiping that fucking dumb-ass smile off your rosey, fucking, cheeks. Then you can give me a fucking automobile: a fucking Datsun, a fucking Toyota, a fucking Mustang, a fucking Buick. Four fucking wheels and a seat.
Car Rental Agent: I really don't care for the way you're speaking to me.
Neal: And I really don't care for the way your company left me in the middle of fucking nowhere with fucking keys to a fucking car that isn't fucking there. And I really didn't care to fucking walk down a fucking highway and across a fucking runway to get back here to have you smile in my fucking face. I want a fucking car RIGHT FUCKING NOW!
Car Rental Agent: May I see your rental agreement?
Neal: I threw it away.
Car Rental Agent: Oh boy.
Neal: Oh boy, what?
Car Rental Agent: You're fucked.

On EWs List? NO

65. The Good Son (1993)
Yep, I put it on my Top 100 list.
On EWs List? NO

66. Jurassic Park (1993)
I just watched this the other day, and while most movies graphics age so poorly that it looks like they made them with a Coleco Vision, Jurassic Park has actually stood the test of time. It is still scary. The dinosaurs still look real. And I still wish my Father would build a time machine and go back to 1993 so he could warn me and my cousin that he was about to take us to see a movie that would haunt our nightmares for weeks.
On EWs List? NO

67. Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
I hate the way people just brush off John Hughes as a low-brow director. Fuck. That. Shit. I have 5 of his movies on this list. Why? Because name how many times you have watched Citizen Kane. Once, right? Now name how many times you have watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off. We're talking somewhere in the neighborhood of about 80 times.
On EWs List? NO

68. The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994)
Australia always puts out the funniest, most heartbreaking films. When this movie is funny, it is so so funny. When it is sad, it is really teary. Can we please Clockwork Orange all those Family First Christians with this movie? Because they are not getting the fucking message.
On EWs List? NO

69. The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)
I really wish 13-year-old Goths hadn't stolen this movie from us, but they need something since Marilyn Manson went into hiding. But Hot Topic wallets and hoodies aside, I just this this is such a good story. Also, did anyone else think they just re-used old Nightmare props for Corpse Bride?
On EWs List? NO

70. The Sixth Sense (1999)
I know, I know, obvious choice. Come on, I demoted it down to #70. M Night Shamalamalan's films are all the same; no plot, no character development, zany twist ending (what a tweest!). But I like Sixth Sense because even though you know Bruce Willis is deadsville, you can still watch the movie without fast-forwarding to the end. Also, I apologize but I am about to state the obvious: Toni Colette is a genius actress.
On EWs List? YES

4 comments:

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

When The Sixth Sense came out I actually guessed the twist from the trailers, meanwhile my dad and my sister and brother took their happy asses to go see it without me. When they got home, Dad was being all dorky and was saying shit like, "Don't tell David the shocking twist!" and when I told them that I had guessed they insisted that someone had told me and I was just trying to sound clever. They treated me like crap for the rest of the night, so I went and had pre-marital gay sex with our neighbor's son. TAKE THAT FAMILY!

The Mayor said...

AHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHA
oh lordy, that was funny. did you do it with the son cause he looked like bruce willis, or cause he looked like haley joel osment?

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

He actually did look a bit like a young Bruce Willis.

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