7.23.2008

Fuck You, Entertainment Weekly: The Top 100 List for the Rest of Us - 21-30

21. Boogie Nights (1997)
I want to make sure Paul Thomas Anderson isn’t smoking rocks or engaging in any reckless gator-rasslin’ or something, because he needs to stay alive long enough to make another ensemble-cast film with the PT Anderson Dirty Dozen (as I like to call them; but then again, I am a big-time loser):
Julianne Moore
John C Reilly
Luis Guzman
Don Cheadle
William H Macy
Philip Seymour Hoffman
And…uh…the rest (?)
But really, who out of that list wouldn’t you bang? Maybe Philip Seymour Hoffman, but only cause I have an aggressive fear of being crushed to death.
On EWs List? YES

22. Pulp Fiction (1994)
Again, a typical choice, but typical for a reason. It’s a good film. Lots of F words, lots of cheeseburgers, lots of snorting heroin (MY WORST FEAR – and I don’t do coke. I am just so scared someone will go “here, snort this” and then go “psyche! It’s was Black Tar Heroin! See you in the ER!!”)
On EWs List? YES

23. There Will Be Blood (2007)
I saw this movie SOLELY for the Milkshake reference (100% serious). So many times a character would grab a glass and I would be on the edge of my seat going “maybe this is where they will have a milkshake!!!”
On EWs List? YES

24. Ed Wood (1994)
Yass! Oooh! I love Ed Wood! I love Johnny Depp and every character in this film! I love Plan 9 from Outer Space! I love black and white films! But mostly I love that this movie is just fantastic. I wish we could go back to the days of cute Johnny Depp, long before he sold his soul to Disney and those stupid fucking pirate movies (I SAID IT).
On EWs List? YES

25. C.R.A.Z.Y (2005)
There is a pretty good chance that you haven’t seen this movie. I say this because 99% of my readers are in Amuurrica (fuck yeah) and this is a Canadian movie. Wait…let me rephrase that: it is a French Canadian movie. Yeah, so right away 99% of Canadians haven’t seen it either. But it is so good. It is about a Quebecois family in the 70s with 5 boys, and one of them is a Homer Sexual. The one brother is a big-time fuck up, but the dad still likes him better cause he is into snatch instead of sausage (was that crude?)
But gay themes aside, this movie is very well acted, has an all-Bowie soundtrack, and you can definitely follow the subtitles. If you can’t follow subtitles, then you are a moron and I will let you get back to watching Family Guy re-runs.
On EWs List? NO

26. Amelie (2001)
I like to follow people home too, but it is not cute and very scary for the person being followed. And that’s the story about how I meet with my parole officer once a week.
On EWs List? NO

27. Fatal Attraction (1987)
Oh my god, this is on FOX-29 every Sunday afternoon! Me and my mom used to watch this all the time. I would be in my room reading, and she would call up and go “Fatal Attraction is on, and they haven’t gotten to the rabbit part yet!” and I would run down and my mom and I would bond for the nest 90 minutes. I learned a lot from that movie.
Again, reasons why I meet with my parole officer once a week…
On EWs List? YES

28. KIDS (1995)
Let’s sum up KIDS, shall we?
HIV HIV sex New York Stealing Money STDs Weed HIV
On EWs List? NO

29. Eagle VS Shark (2007)
I cried so hard at how cute this movie was.
On EWs List? NO

30. Mars Attacks! (1996)
I love Lukas Haas.
On EWs List? NO

4 comments:

Jack Gordon said...

I saw Pulp Fiction for the first time on a first date. Great movie; bad first-date movie. Homosexual rape, drug overdosing, graphic murder, and John Travolta are not very romantic.

Alice said...

I was already having sex when Kids came out but that movie made me so terrified of having sex with other young people that I think I stayed single for a couple of months. That being said, Chloe Sevigny was the sh*t in that movie.

The Mayor said...

I think I may have been riding the bone rollercoaster as well, and was SCARED SHITLESS that I had HIV. Also, I was very afraid to fall asleep on the couch ("no" doesn't mean shit when you are out cold)

Also, Pulp Fiction is a lovely movie to see on a date. Who doesn't feel closer to someone after seeing someone shot in the face.

Anonymous said...

When I learned the TRUE meaning of the "milkshake" reference from TWBB I realized Hollywood can infer anything and we'll believe it!