Hotties of Beijing

I know it totally defeats the purpose of the Olympics, athletes, their training, etc etc to talk about who's the hottest. But come on - unless someone is getting whacked in the leg with a steel pipe by a white trash skank's boyfriend, do you even watch? Let's do this! Michael Phelps USA
Sweet jesus, are you looking at this? Unless you have been living under a rock, you know that Michael Phelps is the proud owner of 8 medals (and by the looks of his Size 14 feet, 8 inches if I ain't being too subtle. I'm of course talking about his penis. Was I being too subtle?) But for real, he is a success story; his Dad peaced out when he was a kid, he had ADD growing up, he was raised in a house full of ladies. Sob story aside, he is a fantastic swimmer and a real class act; Phelps deserves all those shiny necklaces. Now would be a great time to mention that I could make a tasteless joke about Michael Phelps giving me a pearl necklace, but I won't go there. I am just too classy for a joke about Michael Phelps ejaculating on me. Sorry.

Alexandre Despatie Canada
...whoah, speaking of a joke about ejaculation! Alexandre Despatie is Canada's Michael Phelps (well, one is a swimmer and one is a diver, but they both wear Speedos, so who's counting?). Can I make a gross comment for a second? (I know - when am I not?) Now, you can't really see it in this picture, but Google him. Have you found a good picture yet? Are you looking at his crotch? Is he stuffing? Can someone ask him? Because if he's not, then he should retire those medals and think about a career in porn.

Jan Frodeno
Cutie!!! Jan is a triathlete which means he is good at swimming, biking, and running. Which means he is 3x more fit than I ever will be. Also, he won a gold this week; congrats, Jan! You earned that Freezie!
Also, does he not kind of look like Corey Feldman?

Usain Bolt Jamaica
Usain Bolt is freaking fast and really freaking hot.

Marian Dragulescu Romania
It's not everyday you can say the king of men's gymnastics could kick your ass, but here we are. Dragulescu is so good, they named a move after him - that doesn't usually happen till you die, and even then, it is usually something embarrassing. Like when I die, they will call shitting your pants during a baptism a Mayor.

: that hot piece who broke his elbow in 8 places. Where is he? He has disappeared! I'm guessing it was his government - Hungary won't be shamed by a weak athlete! They needed a gold medal to pawn for toilet paper or soap (Hungary is poor, right? Ugh - a question that could easily be solved by a trip to Wikipedia).


Akbert said...

What about that Victoria Pendleton?

The Mayor said...

Sorry, but this was boys only. There are plenty of hot lady athletes, but let's just sum it all up by saying the list would be comprised of Beach Volleyball players.

Jenn L said...

dude phelps is a complete butter face. so ugly from neck up. he is like a monkey. not a fan

Anonymous said...


end of discussion

OLE! said...

Don't forget about Rafael Nadal from Spain.....mmmmmmmmm!

The Mayor said...

Aw crap! That's so true! He is so cute (although i am NOT a fan of that hair)

plobee said...

Phelps may have medals, but Eamon Sullivan is hawt!

Renee said...

Eamon? Yes please.

soylent said...

Phelps has a nice body, but I'd need to bag his head before sex.

hottie alert! said...

The hottest?..... Adam Van K. (Cdn.Kayaker)