8.17.2008

I had a dream about The Jonas Brothers (so, Signs of the Apocalypse #4,291)

Yeah, I know - who the hell are the Jonas Brothers? Well, to the best of my limited knowledge, they are Hanson with black hair. Regardless, one of them made it into my dream last night. I had a dream that I was in charge of putting on a musical about The Little Mermaid. Now, I know full well that there is currently a musical version of The Little Mermaid playing on Broadway, but this was supposed to be a sequel or a prequel or something. Also, it had to appeal to a current, urban audience. Ugh, like you know when Highschools do Romeo and Juliet, but set it in Harlem and everybody raps? I hate that - and that was how I was supposed to do The Little Mermaid. So I started auditioning kids to be hip-hop fish and merpeople. Oh! And the part of Prince Eric had to be played by two people because of 'racial sensitivity'. I know! What does that even mean?!? I had to make sure that Prince Eric was played by at least 2 actors of different races and so I went back to the school board with a brown-haired actor and a black-haired actor and they were like "this is what diversity is all about". I of course let myself play Ariel and my sister got the part of The Sea Hag (that was the actual title - sea hag) but all the kids kept getting it confused and kept calling her The Dumb Hag. She was just like "they can call me the dumb bitch for all I care; all that matters to me is that I am a part of a culturally-significant musical".

Here's where the Jonas Brothers fit in. One of the Prince Eric parts was given to Kevin Jonas (the ugly, older one) and the other went to (sigh) Michael Cera. Needless to say I made-out with both of them. Also needless to say, the play was a horrific disaster. We spent all our practice time on a neighboring playground, which was completely rusted and breaking down. It was so unsafe that everyone needed tetnus shots and the play never went on. Michael Cera filed a sexual harrassment complaint against me, which thankfully was thrown out, but was no good for my career. And that Jonas Brother? He was pinned under a renegade slide that crashed under the weight of the actor playing Scuttle.

Normally I would just brush off that dream as being the manifestation of a litre of mouthwash before bed, but it's not. It's my subconscious telling me that it is hyper-excited for Hamlet 2. Have you seen any trailers for it? Are you as in love with Steve Coogan as I am? Do you have Sexy Jesus in your head all the time? This weekend I will absolutely be seeing Hamlet 2, and because my sister has literally begged me to, The House Bunny. Which will be better? I don't know, but I will tell you this - neither has Michael Cera, and that is a damn shame.

4 comments:

alex davey illustrations said...

Take a break from the mouthwash bit. It's becoming your "_______induced coma".

deadeye-davi / uncle jesse said...

Have you given "The Skip Raid: The Musical" any thought?

Christella M said...

A dream about hanson would've been much more entertaining! :p

The Mayor said...

Ahaha, I totally forgot about the hanson-obsession. The Jonas Brothers are totally the new Hanson. Except, dare I say it, not as good looking. Ew, i just barfed a little.