Ask The Mayor Contest Results!

Hey turds and tampons! I honestly cannot belive the great questions I received. (oooh, poetry!) You guys outdid yourselves in thinking up funny, interesting questions to ask yours truly. Got a lot, picked a few. So let's go over a few of my favourites before I reveal the winner, and tell me if I made the right choice.

Could Jesus microwave a burrito so hot even He could not eat it? - You Wish?
If we are talking about the guy who works in the shipping department where I work, J├ęsus, then no - I have seen him make this mistake a hundred times. He microwaves it too hot and then burns his mouth. I try to tell him that the microwave oven heats things much more thoroughly than a traditional convection oven, but he refuses to listen. Refuses, or doesn't speak English, I'm not sure which.

Would you rather guest star on Reba or eat chocolate brownies out of Lindsay Lohan's fire-crotch? - R
I am assuming you are a newer reader of The Skip-Raid, as a seasoned vet would no doubt realize my love of all things crap. Which means, yes, I would absolutely guest star on Reba. Additionally, since it was cancelled in 2007, I would have to board some kind of time machine or enter into a wormhole in order to guest star. Given the fact that 2007 was what I like to call The Year I Put 30 Grand Up My Nose, I have a few disclaimers for my past-self. Nothing much, just a couple of head-ups.

Why is it that I can find the following websites (here and here) entertaining in the same shame-filled way, when to the casual observer, my love of one would preclude the other. Browse them both and the contradictory connection should be obvious. Moreover, is this indicative of any serious psycho-sexual issues? - David
There is nothing wrong with liking both sites. I am hoping that when Sugarbush the Squirel dies (which will be soon - squirels don't live forever, like old people) her owner has Sugarbush taxidermied to the 9s.

And the winner is...

(in response to a recent post on The Jonas Brothers)
Does anyone remember The Moffatts? Because I do. Which one would you do, date or dump? - Caitlin

Oh my god, do I remember The Moffatts?!? Of course! They only wrote some of the 90's best ballads and pop songs, and they are all drop dead gorgeous. They look nothing like the meth-heads I went to Highschool with and they definately didn't have redneck names like Scott, Clin, Bob, and Dave. Oh wait, they did? Nevermind. But please, take a look at this performance of their first #1 hit, The Caterpillar Crawl (I think it went double-platinum)

But to answer your question...
I would Do...all 4 (obviously, but not all at the same time. Their extreme hotness and talent might cause some kind of Chernobyl-like explosion)
I would Date...the roadie that appears in the above video around 1:02
I would Dump...on the keyboardist's chest (I think that's Dave)

Aparently, they still play angelly music. Bob and Clint have a band called Same Same (you NEED to check out their shitty website!!) Scott has a website to promote how much of a tool he is, and Dave is now a MySpace model (you can see pictures of him here), but be warned - some are a little NSFW / NSFMFWCGPTFTTHGU (not safe for Moffatt fans who can't get past the fact that they have grown up).

So congrats, Caitlin! Your question was the most interesting, or at least the best option for working a chest-dumping joke into the answer. Your prize will be coming to you in the mail!


Jenn L said...

i saw the gay one on bloor street once. he was sooooooooooo gay hipster-y

Anonymous said...

OMG the Moffatts! The epitome of Canadian mall-tour bands.
Brilliant question, you chose well.

alex davey illustrations said...

you put 30 grand up your butt and by grand i mean pounds and by butt i mean all over and by up i mean on.