11.02.2008

Do, Date, or Dump: SNL Edition

What is crappening, folks? I love playing games like Would You Rather and Do, Date, or Dump (which also goes by Date, Marry, or Dump or Fuck, Marry, Murder, but I like the charming alliteration of Do, Date, or Dump). Anyways, this is a fun game to play with a show like The Hills or something full of hotties (Ew. Did I just use the term hotties?) but it's especially fun when you pick a group of people who aren't particularly good looking.

...and as always, please feel free to tell me which of my choices you agree with and which ones I was way off on...you always do (I softly brush the side of your face.) Ooh, wasn't that creepy?!? Let's do this! I have chosen the current cast because when you go back to past members, it's like, do you choose when they were on the show or what they look like now? (Chevy Chase then? Date. John Belushi now? Do! JK)

Fred Armisen
Do, Date, or Dump? Oh my god, date!! Fred Armisen is a God: he used to play drums for Trenchmouth, he's part Japanese, and he's divorced from super-ugly Sally Timms which means not only is he single, but I have no competition. I hope he's into extremely delusional girls.

Will Forte
Do, Date, or Dump? Holy shit, another date! I wish I could move this game to Utah and call it Pick Your Brother-Husbands. But honestly, I would only be dating Will Forte long enough to make friends with Eric Wareheim. And then I would make him mine. True Love Waits.

Bill Hader
Do, Date, or Dump? Do, for sure; Bill Hader is fine. He's got to do the Peter O'Toole voice while we're - EW! I don't think I need to finish that.

Darrell Hammond
Do, Date, or Dump? Dump. I love Darrell Hammond but I think he's a bit too old for me, and I don't want him to die on me. Sigh, he is very funny, but yeah. Dump.

Seth Meyers
Do, Date, or Dump? Dump. I really do not find Seth Meyers bangable.

Amy Poehler
Do, Date, or Dump? Dump. I would not switch teams for Amy Poehler. She's very funny, obviously, but I don't think she's terribly pretty. Her husband, however...do do do do do.

Andy Samberg
Do, Date, or Dump? Do, but goddamn! He needs to keep his mouth closed - the boy has some surriously messed up teefs.

Jason Sudeikis
Do, Date, or Dump? Another Do! I think he's a bit too...dare I say it...Brad-n-Chad for me. Something tells me his weekends are lots of Holister hats and Abercrombie polos. Maybe mandals. Or Puca shells. Ew! No! Just do, just do. And what about DD or D-ing his A-Hole character? Do, but I wouldn't tell a soul, and I would have to be allowed to chew gum the whole time.

Kenan Thompson
Do, Date, or Dump? Date Date Date!!! I would give my left nut (what?) to date Kenan from Good Burger. Plus I would always have pancakes on Saturday mornings and the freezer would always be stocked with Toaster Strudels. I'm a Food Digger - Kenan will keep his baby in chicken nuggets and Crossan'whiches.

Kristen Wiig
Do, Date, or Dump? Here is the main reason why I wouldn't switch teams for Kristen Wiig; I don't want to get upstaged. Kristen Wiig is so funny and super pretty, and I wouldn't want to be the ugly, less-funny one in the relationship. But (with an utt) I would totally Massachusetts Marry Tina Fey. I know she's not on the show anymore, but Tina Fey is the best. Can I sub-in Fey for Wiig? This is like a Fantasy Football thing, right?

Featured Players aka Featured DD or Ds:

Bobby Moynihan
Do, Date, or Dump? Um, I think I would say Do. I'm no chubby chaser, but I am a sucker for his man-chola character. He's cute. He gives me a bit of a John Belushi vibe (minus the crippling drug addiction), so yeah - I'd hit that ham hock.

Casey Wilson
Do, Date, or Dump? Ugh DUMP!!! I hate Casey Wilson! She is so bad on SNL. I can't believe people like Ben Stiller and Sarah Silverman got fired from SNL, and yet we have this assclown week after week. Unfunny. Not good at impressions. About as bad at cue-card reading as an Athlete/Politician host. Now that Amy Poehler is gone with her baby, this leaves us with Casey and Kristen, which means Kristen is going to have to work overtime to make up for Casey's dead weight (and I mean weight. CRUEL and I don't care).

Now I need your help - which TV show/cast should I do a Do, Date, or Dump about? Leave your suggestions in the comments!

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

my name is earl

Jenn L said...

do 30 rock!

also i agree with your carrie wilson critique, did you see her jennifer aniston? terrible!

The Mayor said...

Casey Wilson is the WORST. I really hope they put her out of her misery soon. She is just so unfunny. Bring back Maya Rudolph! Hell, I'd even take Ana Gasteyer.

The Prom King said...

I'd throw Maya Rudolph my bologna any day (even on Sundays when I usually just like to kick back and repent my sins over a bowl and numerous beer - God save me).

But if we're talking SNL as of late, don't forget Tina Fay and her Sarah Palin impression. Currently Tina Fay sits second on my action-items list right under Sarah Silverman. Until she gets that restraining order together, she's going to have to put up with my cyber stalkage.

The Mayor said...

I did mention Tina Fey! She would be a Date for me. Maya Rudolph would be a Do, because I have a feeling she would be very naggy.

PS - from now on can we refer to "bolognas" as zuchinnis? Its more fun.

Anonymous said...

Casey Wilson is the WORST person they could ever put on SNL! She is SOOOO TERRIBLE. She's annoying she can't do impressions and she sounds like a man. ALSO everytime there are multiple girls in a sketch she thinks she needs to be louder! ITS TERRIBLE AND SHE NEEDS TO QUIT!

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