1.22.2009

The Oscars are announced today!!

No, not that kind of Oscar. I was also toying with the idea of posting a picture of Oskar Shindler or one of those Oskar angled brooms (you know, the red and black ones?) but then I'd be grasping at straws far too early in the morning. Anyways, the Oscar nominations will be announced today, and that can only mean 1 thing - only 30 days till the ultimate in Hollywood Handjobs! Do you just hate the Oscars? Ugh, it's like everybody sits around going "I like you more"..."no I like YOU more!!" And they clutch that thing and stare into the sky like "God...this is...this is too much. This is...so much to me". Ugh, gag me.
...and I'll be updating them as they are announced, because I am a loser and I clearly need a life.

UPDATE! Here they are, in all their who-gives-a-shit? glory!

BEST GUY WHO CAN MEMORIZE HIS LINES
Richard Jenkins, The Visitor (didn’t see it)
Frank Langella, Frost/Nixon (didn’t see it, but hear he is good)
Sean Penn, Milk (SPICOLI!)
Brad Pitt, The Grandpa-Baby Movie (don’t want to see it)
Mickey Rourke, The Rassler (just give him the award now)

LADY WHO SHOWED BOOBS AND/OR MEMORIZED HER LINES
Anne Hathaway, Rachel Getting Married (what? Not for Bride Wars??)
Saint Angelina, Changeling (I can’t wait to see her Bitch Face when she looses again!)
Melissa Leo, Frozen River (didn’t see it)
Meryl Streep, Doubt (won’t get it, but should)
Kate Winslet, The Reader (again, just give her the award now)

BEST GUY WHO WASN’T IN A MOVIE LONG ENOUGH TO BE NOMINATED FOR BEST ACTOR
Josh Brolin, Milk (meh)
Robert Downey Jr., Tropic Thunder (WHAAAA??)
Philip Seymour Hoffman, The Movie About the Child Toucher
Heath Ledger, The Dark Knight (can we please let his 4-year-old daughter accept the award on his behalf? Wouldn’t that be adorable? Also it would make Saint Angelina SO PISSED)
Michael Shannon, Revolutionary Road (didn’t see it, don’t care to, liked it better when it was called Far From Heaven)

BEST LADY WHO WASN’T IN A MOVIE LONG ENOUGH TO BE NOMINATED FOR BEST ACTRESS
Amy Adams, The Movie About the Child Toucher (remember when she played the slut in Drop Dead Gorgeous?)
Penelope Cruz, Vicky Whatever Whatever
Viola Davis, The Movie About the Child Toucher (with Kate Winslet shut-out of this category, she’s totally gonna take it!!!)
Taraji P. Henson, The Grandpa-Baby Movie (she is not my favourite Henson. Jim. Jim is my favourite Henson)
Marisa Tomei, The Rassler (she already has an Oscar, and she’s not getting a second)

MOVIE THAT IS WITH CARTOONS AND NOT PEOPLE
Bolt (no)
Kung-Fu Panda (no)
WALL-E (…FOR THE MOTHER FUCKING WIN!)

BEST MOVIE THAT ISN’T WALL-E
The Curious Case of Who Gives a Shit (aka Forrest Gump 2. There, I said it)
Frost/Nixon (I might get around to seeing it)
Milk (does James Franco flash his peen in it? No? Then I’ll never see it. JK – I will on DVD)
The Reader (Nazis! Bewbs! Will I see this? Probably not!)
Slumdog Millionaire (this movie will win. There, I just saved you 4 and a half hours of your life)

1 comment:

Alice said...

I like Robert Downey Jr. as much as the next Joe, but I could not even finish Tropic Thunder, I thought it sucked that bad. I think it was mostly Jack Black though, he's getting more annoying with every movie.

I used to watch the Oscars just to see what people were wearing, but now, meh...They all wear the same dress in a different colour (or black). Bring Bjork back to the Oscars, at least people were talking about her outfit.