The Jon & Kate Plus 8 episode I've been waiting for is on tonight!!!

I HAD to choose this picture of Jon and Kate Gosselin because it truly shows off how classy and elegant they are. Look at Kate's dress; you'd swear we fell into a wormhole from 1992. And Jon's hair? My god, does anyone else out there have a massive erection from the sight of People Magazine's Sexiest Man of 2009? It doesn't usually get announced till, like, December or whatever, but I'm assuming People Magazine won't overlook this year's obvious choice.

I'm sure you're sitting at your computers thinking "why the hell is she posting about Jon & Kate Plus 8?" Let me tell you something; I watch this show WITHOUT irony. I love it. When I say I love it, I mean I will literally run home from work to watch reruns, or turn off my phone Monday nights at 9pm to watch a full uninterrupted hour of the hottness that is Jon Gosselin, the massive bitchiness and verbal fire that is Kate Gosselin, their 7 adorable half-Asian half-White children, and Mady (their obnoxious pain-in-the-ass 1st kid). Well, tonight at 9pm on TLC we have the Season Finale of Jon & Kate Plus 8 and if the previews are any indication of what we have in store for us, I think the Gosselins might be getting a D-Vorce! It should come as no surprise - Jon's philandering is well-documented, and whether he has or hasn't cheated on Kate, he definitely has a taste for Hawaiian Tropic rub-down girls and Spring Break co-eds who watch an unhealthy ammount of TLC.

I know you're probably thinking that Jon's a dog and "what kind of asshole leaves his wife with 8 kids?" Well, please take a look at these 2 clips from The Soup (I couldn't embed them because the owner is a stingy b'yotch).

Clip 1

Clip 2

Um....yeah. I'm personally surprised Jon lasted this long without hitting the bottle. They should show clips of this show to gays and lesbians fighting for same-sex marriage with the disclaimer: DO YOU REALLY WANT THIS SHIT?!?! I mean, don't get me wrong - not everybody's marriage is as horrible as the Gosselins. But I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that a good portion of people married more than 5 years watch this show and say "Goddamn, I hate my husband...but not nearly as much as Kate hates Jon".

So tonight I will watch with baited breath for the final 10 minutes when Jon and Kate decide their fate. It will probably go a little something like this:

Kate: So...Jon and I have found the last 12 months very difficult.
Jon: Every morning I wake up, I curse God that I didn't die in my sleep.
Kate: Well, it's not that bad. But we have been seeing a marriage counsellor and he thinks that we should talk about the future of our marriage.
Jon: I would personally like to see a divorce happen.
Kate: No you don't.
Jon: No...no I don't.
Kate: We need to work some things out.
Jon: I need to work out better ways to escape this hellhole I call a life. So far, paint thinner has been doing the trick, but I find that it isn't as strong as it once was. I'm thinking it may be time to slowly work my way into the hard stuff, like Crystal Meth.
Kate: No you don't.
Jon: No...no I don't.

Tomorrow I'll update on what the hubub is all about. You watch - it will be something so bogus and lame like "Jon and I are....having problems with....the plumbing in our new house. It's really been difficult to get a plumber in". Ugh, we'll see. Happy Monday, urrbods!!!


Anonymous said...

She's better off without him. Nothing "HOT" about a guy who treats his wife like crap..what a loser.

The Mayor said...

No kidding - as I like to say "nobody held a gun to Jon's head and forced him to have 8 kids". Also, I joke that Kate is a bitch, but when push comes to shove, I'd want to stab my husband if he was as useless as Jon is.