We Went to the Boardwalk!

Tonight we went to the most tourist-y spot on the beach, the Boardwalk. It's really nothing more than a handfull of stores that sell wacky beach tchotchkies and rebel flag muscle shirts. I'm not even going to bore you with an introduction; I'd rather just get right to the amazing crap I found!

In case you can't tell, this is a vignette of 4 shells playing cards. Who wouldn't want to own this??!?

I'm a little more than scared of hand puppets (they bother me) so I didn't venture into Grandma and Grandpa's, but trust - I thought about it. If that sign is any indication, those puppets are TIGHT.

Guh, I don't get it, but everything in Florida is all it's 5 O'Clock somewhere!! Yeah, that maybe true, but it doesn't mean I should start drinking at 10am. Aw, just kidding! Y'all know I live by the 5 O'Clock somewhere rule.

This is toad-ally lame (so was that pun).

There was a lot of tiki-themed stuff, which is sick, cause I love tiki. But...isn't the tiki aesthetic more akin to Hawaii? Just checking. I wanted one of these, but instead I bought...

Hells yes, how cute are these? I bought one to put change in. Or maybe I'll use it for toenail clippings. Who knows, we'll see when I take it home.

I don't get who would buy a fetal shark. But I do know this; I'm sure he's handsome and well-adjusted and definitely not a virgin.

Sun Your Buns? Um, but her buns are the only thing that won't get sun. Pfft, sunrise-sunset, I suppose. It's still an adorable ashtray.

Rest your ash? That's a toad-ally crappy pun.

Okay, you've all seen those t-shirt/bathing suit cover-ups for women where the front is a sexy bikini model (and they're usually worn by land-manatees)? This is the same thing for babies and children - they had tons. Kid looks like a mermaid, kid looks like a t-rex. But OH DEAR GOD what is this kid doing to that dolphin?!??! It can't be enjoyable - that dolphin looks like he's suffering a serious trauma!

"Oooh, well if it isn't my Grandsons! Gamgam is back from Florida and has a present for you both! I wasn't sure what to get you, but I just thought these mugs were perfect! Jackson, come her and sit on Gamgam's knee...you've gotten soBRANDON! Get out of my purse! Don't touch that! That candy is for Jackson, not you!"

Ooooohhkaye. You can buy Christmas Tree Ornaments to commemorate your dead dog. Wait...wasn't this from Coraline? How meta!

"Ras Trent! Ba-da-da-da-ding-ding-ding-whooaho. Last week I read a book about Selassie I. Then told my bomboclat parents I was switching religions."
*Note: this was a child's shirt. Sure, why not. I hear that Rastafarianism is very big in the K-8 crowd. Check your local daycare and note how many Bob Marley puzzles are on the floor.

...and finally, we have beach towels with nuts. Can someone explain why having massive nuts is a big deal to a guy? Don't get me wrong - I don't want a man with a set of raisins, but I don't need grapefruits. Also please note; they placed these towels next to the Scarface towels. Don't want to make the Guidos walk too far!

After the tchotchkies, we went to see the boats bring in fish from the gulf. It's pretty awesome; they gut them right there and throw the heads to the pelicans. Got-dayum, pelicans love guts!

Look at this guy! He's got the fear! PS - I was close enough for him to bite my face off.

1 comment:

fester said...

Have you encountered any eating establishments that serve alligator.
I'm told it's very yummy if it's cooked right.