4.15.2009

ANTM Cycle 12, Episode 7: Boys don't make passes...

I'm leading into this week's post with Natalie's picture, because we don't have any comments about her this week. Well, I think I made a snark about Natalie having so many moles, she looks like a Dollar Store Connect-the-Dots, but all in all, she was but a blip on our radar.

TY: Ciara? Refresh me all knowing one.

THE MAYOR: She's a poor-mans Rihanna.

TY: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh right! I forgot - last week's preview. Right. Are the CoverGirl commercials ever not a disaster? Why is that a point of interest - it's always like watching a Downs Syndrome talent show. Also, I vote for the Aikster to replace Paula.

THE MAYOR: Me too! Clay was so good!

TY: He'll add to the failing demographic of overweight pain killer addicted divorcees. ANTM is losing that audience.

THE MAYOR: "I have to think of sex to get a good picture" – EW EW EW.

TY: So London has to think of me when she needs a good picture?

THE MAYOR: Ahahahaa - London thinks of an Arby's Big Beef n' Cheddar or 12. Street Preaching? Uh oh. London's getting God-y.

TY: I don't think Teyona could ever get her head caught between the railings and need to margarine it up to get it out.

THE MAYOR: I love that Full House episode. Also, Fo? "Trying to strive to win"? That's like saying "I'm going to try to try". Sidebar - Sutan knitting is ADORABLE!!

TY: Is he going to knit an 'I'm Gayer than Clay' handkerchief to wear next week?

THE MAYOR: How did London gain that much weight in such a short amount of time? Crudely-Photoshopped-Jpeg of London's-Head-on-Beth Ditto's-Body ENHANCE:
TY: Why doesn't one of them burn the other with a flat iron? We need some damn scars on the show!

THE MAYOR: ...because we don't need another Tahlia? PS - you can't get with London - she's saving herself till marriage, and then you only get to do it when you want to produce kids.

TY: Saving herself by eating until she's too unattractive to warrant the attention of suitors like myself? That move explains at least three uber Christians from High School.

THE MAYOR: South Pole Jr = Urban Chic? Um...no? South Pole is for broke-ass wannabe thugs.

TY: South Pole = stuff that punk ass pussies steal from Stitches cause they're too scared to steal Sean John.

THE MAYOR: Oh snap, 5:30 am? That's cold! AHAHAHAHAHA - LOOK AT CELIA'S GAM-GAM GLASSES!!!!

TY: Woodland creature - I couldn't have described Allison better.

THE MAYOR: Ciara IS NOT an icon. Didn't she sing fucking...1-2-step and My Goodies?

TY: Sooooo....does anyone see this shoot not working out for Celia? I mean, she'll get her prosthetic hips all caught in the wire.
THE MAYOR: Ahahahah - Celia's like "I like R&B...Dorothy Dandridge is the bee's knees!"

TY: “How's that fella M.C. Phillips Screwdriver doing?”

THE MAYOR: Holy shit...London got back - Boys don't make passes at girls with fat asses. Well...white guys, at least.

TY: Boys come in masses for girls with fat asses.

THE MAYOR: White trash boys slap the asses of girls who pass gasses.

TY: Ha! Well played! I would tell all of my classes if I could get up in London's fat asses. I suppose she only has one ass…

THE MAYOR: Whoah! Are you seeing this! I'm so glad I don't have a HDTV. Teyona is GOOD. She's bound to get Best Picture this week.
TY: I feel like I could paint a really nice picture on Teyona's forehead.

THE MAYOR: Fo looks like she's pushing out a butt nugget.

TY: Butt nugget. Do the Denver Nuggets have the best name in sports? Cause I think so.

THE MAYOR: God put me here for a reason? Um, no. God has better things to do than play puppet master on a shitty modeling competition.

TY: When is London going to begin introducing Mr. Middle Finger to Mrs. Esophagus and secretly tell Mr. Finger that Mrs. Esophagus loves the rough stuff (the safety word is tonsil).

THE MAYOR: London needs to stop dressing like a Hipster and start hanging out with Hipsters. Good lord, that's enough to make anyone turn Anorexic; everyone so preetty and skeeny!

TY: Big ass peanut – classy. Was that a dig at London?

THE MAYOR: Tyra loves nuts. There's no double-entendre in there- the woman loves Planters.

TY: Aminat's shot looks like Ciara's vag has a bitch growing out of it.
THE MAYOR: I can't believe they're going to Brazil. It's one of my favourite movies!OMG He just called her June Cleaver. Solid Gold Dancer.

TY: Like....June Clever now, in 2009.

THE MAYOR: Teyona is killing it this week.

TY: Yeh - she is. Fo's picture is hoooooottttt.
THE MAYOR: London's eyes permanently smile...because she's always thinking of cheeseburgers. Like Jughead! That wacky Riverdalian - he loved cheeseburgers so much.
TY: Allison looks like she needs some courage. You know, cause she's the cowardly lion.

THE MAYOR: Nigel just said "I want to put my mark on her photo". The Tyra Borderline-Racism Count just rolled over at the 200 mark: Good job, Tyra. Brazil is just "samba-land" to you, isn't it.

TY: Is Ceila going to get a sunburn?

THE MAYOR: No, cause she'll wear one of those head-to-toe white gauze suits seniors in Florida wear.

TY: I get an assist on that - I dropped a sweet dime with that grammy reference.

THE MAYOR: We're like the Denver Nuggets. "Captured on celluloid" - you mean cellulite. Good job, Aminat - you squeaked by because you didn't gain a buttload of weight.

TY: Way to not eat.

THE MAYOR: Oh man - poor London. Fo is totally going home next week! That, or she'll get best picture or something.

TY: Or get stolen in Sao Paulo.

THE MAYOR: You don't go home, you just get sold into the sex trade.

6 comments:

Alice said...

How did London gain 15 pounds in, what 8 weeks so far? I'm 5 months pregnant and haven't even gained 15 pounds yet and I eat everything in sight (seriously, I stole a hotdog from a lady at work - out of her hand! "Baby needs it" will get you out of anything.

raych said...

Ok, A.) I live for these, and B.) I love how London was all, how ironic that THIS week we have to show up in bathing suits and wire and I'm all fat? I do not think 'ironic' means what her think it means, and also, she didn't gain that weight YESTERDAY, so this shoot would have been a downer at any time except that first week. At least they weren't nekkid.

ty said...

oh yes....I'm really glad that I didn't see any naked models....that would have been as shitty as waking up beside London (I bet her ass would make a great pillow)

The Mayor said...

First off, allow me to congratulate Alice on her bebeh. Babies are miracles and God and the Bible. Also, please let me know about those first dumps the baby takes. I hear that one is black and another is bright yellow!

Second, to Raych, I'm glad you are enjoying Ty and I's witty reparte. I don't know what we'll do when ANTM:12 ends (wait 4 weeks till ANTM: 13?)

And Finally, Ty - you need to start slipping Salt Peter into your food.

Anonymous said...

You two are too funny!

Michael Aleksander said...

These blogs are fantastic.

London deserved to go. How the hell do you gain that much weight?!
She wasn't as good as the others, too.


And I must confess, I like Celia. Haha.