4.19.2009

My favourite discount beauty chola is back!

I was sitting on my couch eating jello today (pfft...what else is new) and I thought to myself "Hey, I haven't taken a look at my favourite YouTube channel in a while". So I skipped on over to Beauty Bargain Hunter (aka Daniela the Beauty Chola). Suddenly God parted the clouds, my radio began playing the theme from Welcome Back Kotter, and I was gifted with a new video on using spoiled and/or expired make-up to my advantage. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The JLo's Jenny From the Block-ish Dollar Store Look.

In case you don't have the time to watch the video (umm...what do you have to do that is better than learning how to apply a whore's worth of makeup?) I will paraphrase it for you. Daniela has once again plugged in her IKEA desk-lamp to illuminate her Grace Kelly-face to show us how to re-create Jennifer Lopez's timeless look from the "Jenny from the Block" music video. I know! Everyday I wonder how to look like a Latina McDonalds employee too! Fantastic. Such a storyteller. Such...cholita eyebrows. Here are some of my favourite parts:

1. Daniela is Spanish (or Me-hee-can? Or Puerto Rican? I dunno, but she definitely knows her way around a Taco Bell) and yet she's whiter than the child I would produce if I had sex with Casper the Friendly Ghost. Go easy on the pressed powder girl; you look like sidewalk chalk with eyes and a weave.

2. "It's been like, 5 years". I love that she acknowledges that she is replicating a look that is 1/2 a decade old. She just saved me from thinking of a fresh joke!

3. At 3:45, she pulls out a jar of makeup that looks like the expiry date on the underside begins with the number 19 and ends in the number 93. Look, I'm not fronting like I own all-new makeup and shit; I have a tube of MAC lip-gloss that my best friend bought for our prom in 2002. I use it even though it smells like peanuts. But I know enough to throw something out once it hits the "not even a meth-addicted, A&E Intervention subject would use this" mark.

4. Daniela, it has been my experience that if eyeshadow is 4 for $1, then there is a very good chance you will find lead in the ingredients list.

5. At 6:45 Daniela shows us her very rare, very exotic import eyeshadow from Rite Aid. Oooh, it's from Canada! People, I can promise you that I have lived here all my life and I have never seen that kind of makeup. Maybe it's because I don't buy my cosmetics at garage sales, but that's probably just a technicality.

6. At 13:00 Daniela commits a makeup sin that I am not innocent of: concealer on the lips. Well, I used to use foundation, but that is neither here nor there (and then I used to put clear lipgloss over it. Ew).

7. And finally, at the end, we have a very eloquent Daniela explaining what Spring allergies do (answer: "they make green which makes the eyes red").

1 comment:

casu marzu said...

If homegirl had given us an address I would have been happy to send her all my stinky, expired makeup.