CNTM Cycle 3, Episode 2: Random Thoughts w/ Ty

Okay, so last night Ty and I didn't watch CNTM together; he was at his house, I was at an ice cream party. The upside was that ice cream is delicious. The downside is that we only have notes from one of us today. Sorry! Originally I asked Ty to send me his thoughts on last night's episode and I would add to them but honestly? His comments were way funnier than I could have thought up, even though at times he is so off-topic that it's like reading a CNTM essay by Rain Man. So sit back and enjoy all that is Ty being funny, while I silently cry because I can't think up new jokes.

When did this become a Crest commercial? Nole's authentic enthusiasm for product placement rivals his enthusiasm for coochie.

So who's going home? I bet on Jill - she loves the cock more than she loves modeling. Looking at the group after make-overs is really underwhelming - Jill looks even more like a tart - I love that word, tart. When Jshe looks at her self in the mirror she sees the shadows of balls resting on her chin. Jill's roots are more tragic than a little girl AND a puppy stuck down a well - question: aren't roots to girls super embarrassing? Isn't it akin to having a treasure trail? So, over under.....how many dicks has Jill sucked: 35 - over/ under? I'm going to go with over.

Obviously Jay's learned a little bit of drama / narcissism from Tyra - violation of the fashion code? Isn’t this a little old? How many times have 'fashion crimes been mentioned and used as an incredible boring vignette or the entire basis for a show (Clinton, I'm looking at your flaming ass)? Jay hates the word fierce? How does he survive Tyra? Man, he must have a serious drinking problem.

I hate that they're in the Holt's on Bloor - this whole Toronto thing takes away all the mystic from the show, like, I feel as if I have somewhat of a chance with these girls (especially Jill - I could convince her I play for the leafs or maybe she'd been impressed if I even know what the 'leafers' are or that I have leaf in my car that blew in during the fall and even though it's June, it's still stuck under my passenger side floor mat - she'd like that). God - this entire show makes me want to move out of Toronto. Oh fuck - the AGO? I HATE that I've been exactly where there's a photo shoot - did you know that I get into the AGO for free? Shit yes I do.

Linsay's skin looks green - I mean, there's olive, but......she's closer to pickle.

Maryam is going to win - hands down (my pants!) - wait...gross, you don't need to know that and come to think of it....she kinda freaks me out, she looks like an extra from the Scorpion King.

Meaghan looks so much less 'Winni' with her blonde do - did you know that we call queen and Bathurst 'little Winnipeg'? Or 'mini winni' for short? Nothing beats a good native people joke - the braces must be seriously setting off some dude's fetish to have his wiener dragged through a barbed wire fence, either that or to relive high school.

Ebonie looks like someone's mom - who's going to pick the kid's up from soccer practice and fall asleep watching Jag reruns. Ebonie totes shops at Smart Set.


Very few girls can pull off that incredi-short bang look- Nikita isn't one of them. Man, nothing is classier than a short banged 'Muppet' swearing all over the place - I'm sure Fozzie's comedy routine would have worked a lot better if he could drop f bombs like it was the bizarro cold war. Umm....also...was Nikita on the can? Man....fetish hounds are going to love this shit - ha!

Why are they all calling their moms? This makes them even more accessible / unattractive.

Wow - a build an outfit challenge at H&M? How much do you want to bet that their outfits fall apart at the seams before Jay can even look at them? I swear that Madonna must pee on those clothes or something - everything I have ever bought from there loses it shape like a post marriage suburban wife after the first wash.

Does that one dude have 10 abs? Is that possible? Where does the food go? Do you think those male models get tired of flexing? Isn't it so much easier to be a girl model? I mean, all you need to do is not eat - dudes, they have to do a lot of work.

1 comment:

Alice said...

Ebonie reminds me of Tutti from The Facts of Life. Also, in that picture she looks like she's smelling a big pile of dog poo right out of the camera's line of view.

"Ooooh, they gave us presents! - Oh, they're Crest Whitestrips, and cheap Clairol drugstore hair dye, ummm thanks..."