6.30.2009

CNTM Cycle 3, Episode 6: the one where we say goodbye to Babyvoice McGee

Hey turds, guess what day it is today? That's right, It's CANADA DAY! And what better way to celebrate fur trade, white people treating Natives like crap, beer, maple syrup, beavers, and freezing cold Armageddon-like winters like a Canada's Next Top Model re-cap! I know, I really should be nominated for some kind of Canadian Culture Award. Oh, but I don't do it for the awards. Heart of gold, has I. Okay, let's get into it!!


The Mayor: I just yelled at a jar of pickles. I went on a Clark Griswold rant at work. "Hallelujah, holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?"
Ty: were they kosher pickles? Are you an anti-Semite?
The Mayor: They're Polski Orgorki - the pickles of my people
Ty: Your people are good people. K - models....when you leave the house, you ever think one of the girls top shelved anyone? Like...the girl that left that is.
The Mayor: Oh my god, this just got 10000x more ghetto - a shoot in the CN Tower
Ty: Oh goodness. Cancon
The Mayor: Nikita’s gonna hurl! Barf! Barf! Barf!
Ty: Is Scunty crying? Whaaaaaaaa?
The Mayor: OMG that's Rebecca?!? Wow - she actually looks worse
Ty: She looks a little more than completely different
The Mayor: PS - plastic surgery. Wow, their trip is NYC?? Oh fuck, passports?? That's like the N-word for Maryam; homegirl cringes something serious
Ty: Can't they put her in the trunk like a migrant Mexican worker?
The Mayor: I know! Throw a blonde wig on her and she's waved right through
Ty: Is this a dig at passport Canada? I never realized that Scunty has birth'n hips


The Mayor: I guess Nikita does have some big hips. Wow, this job has turned me into a Gay Man
Ty: “Maybe Obama stayed here?” Yeh...sure...maybe Obama's basketball sneaker collection was housed here
The Mayor: That SO isn't Jay's apartment - you know his home is wall-to-ceiling glitter n' mirrors
Ty: Glitter, mirrors, silver hair dye and anal beads
The Mayor: Ew, does Nikita have a tongue ring?
Ty: I wouldn't doubt it. You know....for the gritty look, not for dirty BJs. As a straight dude, I would hate that...cause as much as it might feel 'different' I would know that the tongue in question was made as such for the insertion of penis only and for sure, there had been more than one trial run
The Mayor: FUCK! Did they just say 'Richie Rich'?!?! FUCK YES!!! HEATHERETTE!!!!!
Ty: Girls changing in cabs....just like the morning after a night with me
The Mayor: Richie Rich is my idol


Ty: I'll tell you something I would do to Meaghan in 2 seconds flat
The Mayor: Ahaha - Meghan jokes - your bread and butter
Ty: Did Linsay have a tat on her ass?


The Mayor: Yes she did. Reserve tats
Ty: Injun tats. I need to go for a bit....Meghan head-bobble joke combined with Meghan in a bikini. Scunty is going to be L-A-T-E…which could stand for Loser About Town Eh? How could anyone not love Meghan?
The Mayor: Meghan is good - she's very enjoyable. What is Maryam doing? Oh, nothing. Dick to the All
Ty: Eating cereal....then barfin it up
The Mayor: SOOOOTAN!!
Ty: SUTAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HIS SHIT. Wait....that was a little too gay
The Mayor: Sutan is off the chain. Changing haircolour? Please Sutan, visit me - my hair is diss-gross-ting. "Some people are just born cool...and I'm one of them" – Linsay. Wow, I wish. Some people are born massive dorks...and I'm one of them
Ty: Cause she was born without the 'd' as in the 'd' in 'not an In-d-an. Sutan has admirable scruff. I aspire to that. Can we just forget about Maryam? I feel like I did already
The Mayor: I know - she is such a snorefest. Ambien Express. Nole always mentions products like he's got a knife to his throat


Ty: AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Mayor: WHAAAAAAAAT is going on there?!?! She looks like a Goth Sandra Bernhart!!!
Ty: Heather's 7 head is TOO MUCH
The Mayor: Linsay looks like the classy Rez mom who reads Cosmo. "Ah lurve me som Mike's Hard Crannbarry Lemminaids!"
Ty: Yeh, she's the one that all the little ones come to for advice on how to use salamander blood for nail polish and pine needles for eye shadow. So Maryam is going home, right?
The Mayor: I dunno - she should go home. She's a tard sandwich
Ty: With a side of Persian ESL
The Mayor: Linsay looks like she's going to our High School Prom. Did you go to prom?
Ty: I did. I hated it. And now I spend all my Spring organizing prom for the school I work at
The Mayor: Ahahaha - that's awesome. Meghan has great style. Love what she's wearing.
Ty: Me too!
The Mayor: What? This job is turning you gay. Wow, that is straight-up cut and paste - that is NOT Photoshop
Ty: Yeh. This is amateur.
The Mayor: Nikita's looks so boring…and yes, dare I say it, Urkel
Ty: she's more Eddie Winslow
The Mayor: Yeah, I can't believe I'm saying this, but her shot is the most believable
Ty: but Linsay still has green skin
The Mayor: Heather's teeth are a little Secret of NIHM
Ty: Yes. They are awful.
The Mayor: Maryam Maryam Maryam...stop talking girl



Ty: WHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAT? She doesn't get things
The Mayor: Maryam is killing me. Oh fuck, Jay?!?! How are you getting fleeced by this!?!?
Ty: Shut up J...she sucks
The Mayor: Maryam's shot was just...so....Canada's Wonderland "Make Me a Model" Booth
Ty: Did Jeanie just throw the axe down on Maryam?
The Mayor: Tru Rez Crew! Liiiiinsay
Ty: easy call
The Mayor: Gawd, Nikita loves crying. The bitchiest girls are the weepiest babies. Maryam?!?!?!!? Whoah!
Ty: WWWWWHHHHHAT??? This is dumb. She's dumb. Go make some goat shawarma



The Mayor: I wanna see Nikita freak out, Celia-style. Heather? Scuntalunt?!?!
Ty: I don't like either of these bitches, but still....this sucks. I feel a boycott coming on
The Mayor: Whoah! Heather is gone?! I predicted she'd be in the top 3! Noooooo!
Ty: Me too. Jay didn't even have anything insightful to say
The Mayor: At least now you can stalk her and make her shimmy her bony ass down your runway
Ty: She's no Meghan
The Mayor: Ahaha. Close second though. Beggars can't be choosers
Ty: True
The Mayor: MISS J!!!!!! Hells to the Yes, Ty Ty!!! You know you’re excited! GET PUMPED
Ty: I am excited. Honest. But I also have to pee

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red rain said...
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