I had a baby!!!

Sort of!!! I should probably change that to I now own a baby. A baby fish, that is. You didn't think I could actually get pregnant with a human baby, did you? My uterus is filled to the brim with STDs and balloons of cocaine and chicken tetrazzini, and there is no way it would accept a selfish baby building a house inside.

Anyways, meet my little bundle of gills:

I know, right? Fucking adorable. Like a kitten stuffed into a panda. After work, a friend and I decided to go get fish. Our boss came in to our office this morning with her 6-month-old human baby and we were snuggling him and cuddling him and encouraging him to sit up and roll over and then our uteruses started burning so hard for a baby friend. So we decided to placate the ticking timebomb in our ladyparts and get some fish. Since we work downtown, the only pet store for miles is in Chinatown (TRYING SO HARD TO NOT MAKE JOKE). We each paid $9 for our children and $4 for a container of freeze-dried worms. These little fuckers love dried worms - it's like their meth. We also went to a kitchen store in Chinatown and bought $2 bowls for our new kids and a few bbq pork stuffed buns for us because it is mentally taxing to become a single mother and I had to reward myself with delicious Chinese buns.

Anyways, I'm at a loss; I don't know what to name it. Also bad news: I don't know if it's a girl or a boy. There isn't a foolproof way to guage if a fish is a girl or a boy, or gay or straight for that matter. For all I know, I could have a young Harvey Milk in my fishbowl. So what I need are some ideas on what to name it. I sort of liked Judge Judy, because if it's a girl, then that's great, but if it's a boy, then I can say that I named him after Judge Reinhold (the best!). I also like Pyjamas and Cinnamon, and I think I could also get behind Terrance. You tell me - what does this fish look like?

I know, right? I want to name it something good, like Zitty or Pooter. So send me your thoughts! Leave all possible names in the comments! Nothing will be turned down - if all you can come up with is Chuck or Nicky, well, I don't care; I need to know what to call him when I leave for the weekend. "Hey Rocky, mamas gonna go to the dunes this weekend. I left some uncooked pasta on the counter and some Skoal in the fridge. I'll be home on Monday. Luuuurve Yoooooooo!"

UPDATE! I have decided on Gil. I was reminded that Gil is the name of Bill Murray's fish in What About Bob? and is the name of my favourite Simpson's character.


Alice said...

Congratulations! I have a ton of fish! My husband is deathly allergic to cats & dogs so we have 2 fish tanks full-o-fish. Our favourite fish is a cichlid that we named Charles Montgomery Burns II (Burnsy or Monty for short) we named him that because we originally had a school 5 cichlids and he killed them all off one by one - so kinda evil...Naming him after Mr. Burns seemed to suit.

The Mayor said...

That's fantastic! I hope that Gil lives - I had 4 mini sharks once and they where like the Lisbon sisters - they all killed themselves one by one.

ThomG said...

Mayor, check out Dr. Tran: