6.28.2009

RIP Billy Mays


God Fucking Dammit!!! What crawled up Jesus' ass that pissed him off so bad he had to start picking people off one by one?? First Ed McMahon; that's fine, the man was old and probably missed Johnny Carson all sorts of bad, so let the man have fun up in Pepaw Heaven. Next it was Farrah Fawcett, and look - this is gonna sound callous, but it's not meant to be, ok? But the woman had cancer for 3 years and she battled it tooth and nail and finally her body gave the fuck up (that's what happens - cancer wins. Cancer is a turd. It's the douchebag of the illness community). Then MJ, which SUCKS cause we have all busted our shit to Billie Jean or Thriller at least once in our lives. But Billy Mays?!? William Motherfucking Mays?!?! Mister OxyClean?! The non-Crystal Meth man's Sham-Wow Vince?!? I am actually really sad about Billy Mays, because he gave me a constant supply of amazing infomercials (and you KNOW how much I love infomercials). And to all my dick-bag friends who keep texting me and emailing me "You killed Billy Mays"...KNOCK IT OFF!! Billy Mays was a class act and it is too soon for jokes. Too soon.

In honor of Billy Mays, the classiest real-life Al Borland in a denim dress shirt, I present to you my favourite Billy Mays dub:

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