The Skip-Raid Interviews Mark Little

Hello hello everyone! It's that time again for another Skip-Raid interview! Okay spoiler alert! I don't give no red-hot-nevermind if you hate reading my interviews, but this one is a big one for two reasons.
1. This is the first interview I have done that was featured on VICE
2. This is my 10th interview!!!
I know, I can hardly believe it! It seems like just yesterday I was writing obscenely threatening letters to Joe Mathlete in order to coerce him into an interview, and now I have MASSIVE CANADIAN CELEBRITIES banging down my door just to sniff my hair (anydelusion...)

Okay, so this week we sit down with the very funny, very nice comedian Mark Little. The very rare few of you will know Mark for his stand-alone acts, but the greater majority of you know Mark from the sketch group Picnicface. And those of you who are still totally clueless will know Mark from Powerthirst, which needs to be fucking buried already, please?? We get it, Powerthirst is Crystal Meth in a can. Anyways, go ahead and read that VICE article for all the questions that got chosen (and it will set up this interview for you) and then come back and read the rest (aka The shit that got cut like a man-stealing chola). Our sincerest thanks for being a real sport and answering all our dumb Qs.

Full name: Mark Thomas Little.

I manage to get by doing stand-up shows, sketch shows, and the occasional writing job. Plus I win $25,000 like every year.

Where you live: Halifax.

I heard you were home schooled. Does your mother talk in riddles? Because all the home schooled kids I know had insane moms.

Aw man that's totally a comedy lie. I have a joke about being home-schooled which doesn't quite work as well if I say, "Imagine I was home-schooled." But yeah, I know a few kids who were home-schooled and their moms were crazy. Crazy in the way you have to be if part of your identity is a fundamental distrust of teachers.

What have you done with your $25,000? I am imagining some kind of crude Scrooge McDuck set-up.
If you're referring to Scrooge's healthy banking strategies, then yes, I'm all McDuck. If you're referring to the fully doublooned swimming pool, I'm missing the mark. (Note: I was trying to think of a way to say I put it all in the bank, and the best I could come up with was "healthy banking strategies." Yep.)

I heard that Halifax is amazing in the Summer but depressing as hell in the winter. Can you confirm this?
Confirmed. Winter is six months long and bullshit. But nobody leaves because summer is like a beautiful awakening from a long roofie nap.

Do you have a good story about losing your virginity?
I have an awful story involving a college dorm room, a bong hit (incidentally, the loss of my bong virginity as well, a moment which has since been renamed The Precursor), and a stranger. Yes, I was in college at the time. And I don't think she knew it was my first time. I carefully hid that information by lying.

Are you now too famous for Picnicface?

Sometimes you write a sketch that involves girls. You can approach this two ways: put on a wig and a dress (like Kids in the Hall) or make the sketch less-funny and get actual girls. Why did you choose the latter? It's not like wigs are expensive.

If this was a live interview, you could write [laughs] before my answer. But would you? Most sketch groups are all dudes and sometimes dude-time gets a little boring. That said, I played a hooker in a sketch once. Wigs everywhere.

My sister is more partial to Kyle. Meh, to each his own.

What are your thoughts on Roman Danylo? (it's no secret that I fucking hate that assclown).
I haven't seen much of his stuff. Comedy Inc. was obviously terrible, but it's hard to know who to blame for that. I think I've seen one too many pictures of him topless for my liking, though.

What was your best/worst Hallowe'en costume?
I was Harry Potter for three consecutive Halloweens once. I think that answers both your questions. Actually last year I built this swarm of bees to wear over my shoulder and went as Macaulay Culkin from My Girl.

Please imagine what the most amazing tattoo would look like:

BJ Novak has a joke about wanting to get a tattoo of the Chinese symbol for cliche. I think that would be pretty great. That or a white picket fence around my bicep.

Tell us an embarrassing story:

I feel like I've told a few already. I make videos for youtube that a good number of 12-year-olds enjoy. That's pretty embarrassing.

Who's talent or skill do you wish you had?

Bill Murray, Louis CK, Mike Birbiglia -- for various reasons. I wouldn't mind Demetri Martin's ability to craft perfect jokes, either. Oh, also, LeBron James.

What are your favourite television shows right now?
There's this British sitcom called Peep Show that's maybe my favourite comedy of all time. Eastbound and Down is also pretty funny. My guilty pleasure right now is True Blood. It's 90% godawful, but the cliffhangers are crazy good. Plus I'm pulling for the Paquin. It's nice to see her playing something other than jailbait. That's not a Piano reference.

Have you ever been so high you've convinced yourself that you're dying?

What was the last fight you got into?
Grade 3? Dude punched my eye. Same guy who'd pulled my hair out in Grade 2.

Was there anything you were apprehensive about putting in your act or into a Picnicface video?
Only with regard to my parents. They just don't like it when I play rapists or pedophiles in the videos. They thought I was going to be a professor. Some dreams die hard.

Will you marry me? (If the answer is no, I should maybe mention that I own my own waffle maker?)
My roommate has a waffle maker so the deal has yet to be sweetened. In any case, I think I'm saving myself for an American girl so I can green card on out of here.

Your ideal sandwich:

I'm a fucking vegetarian now, so no sandwich will ever satisfy me again. If I ever kick the shit, though, I'm going straight to McDonald's for a McGangBang. (What is it, a double cheeseburger surrounding a McChicken? Amazing.)


ilana said...

white picket fence tattoo = amazing

I can vouch for the fact that not only does the Mayor own a waffle maker, but she also bakes cupcakes about once a week. How's that for sweetened? (I'm realizing I now sound like a poor old man trying to sell off his daughter. I'm really just constantly impressed by her baking skills)

Renee said...

Mark Little is now my new favorite foreigner. Besides you, of course.