9.30.2009

America's Next Top Model, Cycle 13, Little People, Big World edition: EP 4

The Mayor: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Ty: Indeed. I am 45 today!
The Mayor: Oh dear, Brittany might not be around by the end! Can you feel it? Are you getting that vibe? Ooooh, Sam Fine is like a broke-ass botoxed Benny Ninja
Ty: He is. Where is Benny Ninja Lava?

The Mayor: Concealer, bronzer, mascara, gloss? My 4 are Blush, blush, black eyeliner, pills. I need double the blush cause I am WHITE.
Ty: How do men end up makeup artists? Do they have a moment when their 14 and stealing their mom's coverup for a zit and then....presto they want to be around makeup?

The Mayor: Nigel and his wife? R U JELLIS?!?!?
Ty: I am. I'm jealous of their walls. And sheet. And toilet.
The Mayor: "Makeup is not about changing the way you look" - BISH PLZ. I use makeup to not look like a half-melted baby bird. Wow, I really like this Walmart challenge because, DARE I SAY IT, sometimes I have seen some good clothes at Walmart. I am white trash, it's in my blood. Racing around Walmart? Laura is going to shag-ass.
Ty: Laura is sharpening her elbows. Oh no! Laura! This was your dream!
The Mayor: SNAP. Laura is eliminated already?!?! She just made Middle America cry. Cry tears of gravy and grits. I wanna eat those tears
Ty: Tears that are on sale. Rollback tears
The Mayor: $2 or $3 tears. Okay, Erin is an asshole - I saw how she was throwin' them bows. Bitch is a bruiser

Ty: No one is surprised it was Tyra. If there's a chance for her to be the focal point, she'll take it. I'm surprised they haven't had a shoot where they model beside a life size cutout of Tyty

The Mayor: Tyra wishes every week was Tyra Plays Photographer week
Ty: DUH!
The Mayor: I'm surprised they haven't just called the show TYRA and it's a continuous loop of her posing. Kind of like how CITY-TV shows The Log on Christmas Day. 8 hours of The Log. It's mesmerizing


The Mayor: China Chow? That sounds like slang for Chinese food
Ty: Bad slang....like 80s mom slang
The Mayor: "Call up Mr. Pong's and get my ass some motherfucking china chow"
Ty: White suburban stoned gangsta slang. “You don't look completely present”. I'm going to use that on the dumb kids when they say 'present!' during roll call
The Mayor: I can imagine girls say that about you when they see you with your pants off. "You don't look completely present"

ASHLEY
The Mayor: Ashley's picture looks like something from an old 1984 Chatelaine magazine
Ty: Ewwww! Chatelaine! Cancon!
The Mayor: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ happening? How is Ashley skimming by? This is a damn dirty shame.
Ty: This was a power move on panel by Tyra

BIANCA
The Mayor: Bianca looks like Wesley Snipes' mom. Big Mamma Snipes
Ty: Big Mamma Snipes...bet she didn't do her taxes either
The Mayor: "Is Bianca the verb, and not the noun?" - Tyra, you probably didn't even get your damn GED.
Ty: did I just get a grammar lesson from Tyra?
The Mayor: Bianca looks SO much like an athlete! She's like the third William
William's sister. The one they keep in the basement

BRITTANY
The Mayor: Whoah! They should stop showing Brittany's body - she's making Holocaust survivor's weep
Ty: wet vag hug! I told you Brittany was good. You need to believe me more

ERIN
The Mayor: Erin...lawd....why is she crying? Get over it! This limo is like a fucking Crybaby Daycare
Ty: Erin's eyebrows would look just fine on an old man's face....imagine them on the Hef
The Mayor: Are you looking at Erin? Bitch is going to take this. Can we just give her the trophy now? Sidenote - the trophy is just a glossy 8x10 of Tyra
Ty: Are you sure it's not a bronzed statue of Tyra?

JENNIFER
The Mayor: Dear Makeup Artist: Work on making Jennifer's eye not so...how you say....fucked up. Can I say something SO terrible? Jennifer looks like a horrible Asian stereotype. Like, Jennifer looks like what racist grandparents think Asians are. Jennifer is missing a cat and a computer. Maybe superimpose her in front of a well-made car
Ty: And a 'teeheehee' laugh
The Mayor: THAT'S JAPANESE. I'm talking Chinese
Ty: You said Asian!
The Mayor: Okay, I should have been more specific. Know Your Asians. Also, Jennifer was getting a little personal with that floor
Ty: Jennifer just showed us her O-face

KARA
The Mayor: Whoah! Kara's nose is as wide as her face
Ty: Kara does have a memorable face....I would remember it as it chewed off my weenis

LAURA
Ty: 'It was really enjoyment' - good grammars Laura. Laura is getting a wide-on over this....she needs a westinghouse fan from Walmart to cool the fuck down
The Mayor: Laura looks like an organizer for the Ride to End Cancer


The Mayor: Laura's outfit looks incredible. I love Wanda Sue
Ty: Wanda Sue will design an Oscar Gown. She has a sellable designer name
The Mayor: I want that outift. You have no idea

NICOLE
The Mayor: "Nicole's hands look like Gollum" - you mean Nicole's face looks like Gollum, right? Nicole's everything looks like Gollum
Ty: You no talk bad bouts Nicole. Nicole and I are tight. And by that I mean that I think Nicole is probably tight
The Mayor: Nicole has an outtie. I wish I had an outtie. I have a very deep innie. To the point where it grosses people out. It's a black hole (which is also what they call my vagina)
Ty: I have an innie / outie ... which is what I call intercourse
The Mayor: AHAHAHAHA. No, you call intercourse "up and down" or "tired hands"
Ty: 'Tired hands' That's golden
The Mayor: From now on, can we please call masturbation "tired hands"?
Ty: We can and will

RAE
The Mayor: Rae needs some serious Proactiv
Ty: I think that's preggers acne. Sooo...Rae is good. And by good, I meant that.
The Mayor: Rae looks like she'll burn down the school on prom night with her mind

SUNDAI
The Mayor: Sundai is making me sleeeeeeeepy
Ty: She looks like that fun girl at the office that loves to go out despite having to get up early to drag her 'rug-rats' to hackey practice

Next week on America’s Next Top Model…
Ty: Benny Ninja!
The Mayor: Benny NInja? Lil Mama? Jabberwockeez?
Ty: Jabbbeeeeewockkkies!
The Mayor: This is going to get out of can-troll! Next week is gonna get Harlemisha
Ty: Good times on the horizon

9.28.2009

Ask My Mom!

Hey friends! Have you ever had a problem that didn't know how to solve? Been in a jam and didn't want to face the judging tone of your partner or parole officer? Needed advice, but didn't want to ask anyone close to you, so that you can keep hiding how shitty your life is? Oh my god, guess what? I have a very temporary band-aid solution for you! I have spoken about my mother before on The Skip-Raid, and for all of you out there who know my mom know that she is full of very helpful, usually funny advice. Trust - my life is in constant shambles - I get advice from my mother on the daily. And with that being said, my mother needs a rest from me; there is only so much she can do with me. I'm hopeless. The woman needs a vacation. And your problems are just that vacation!!! Hopefully this can be a bi-monthly thing (if you like it) but I need your help. Y'all need to write in with your questions. All questions will be kept anonymous (or you can think of a funny handle to use) so don't hold back - ask my mom any goddamn thing you want. And you can send them in one of two ways: leave your question(s) in the comment's section of this post or email it to skipraid@gmail.com

So get going! Ask my mom anything! How did you give birth to such a bitchy turd? Fuck off!!! Questions like that will not be tolerated!

9.16.2009

America's Next Top Model, Cycle 13: EP 2

The Mayor: What the hell channel is this in again?
Ty: ummm...08? like the year that either of us last had meaningful sex
The Mayor: BWAHAHAHA - funny and true
Ty: I know....that's my thing
The Mayor: Oh well...there's still 3 months left in 09! (crosses fingers)
Ty: think of all the years that ANTM has been on.


The Mayor: Oh my god, I hate when they do these skits. I feel like I'm watching community theatre
Ty: is this Dan Levy's out of work actor brother?
The Mayor: SuperSmieys? Smiling with your eyes = smieyes. Uh, that is Smerrible
Ty: OKAY - she's taking this 'making up word thing too far'. she's making my penis go insmies me
The Mayor: She's making me want to punch-a-smieyes my television
Ty: So I've just questioned how we've wasted hours of our lives watching this....I could have written a thesis
The Mayor: I know - on my death bed I will be holding my grandkid's hands and say "I wish...I hadn't watched...so much....shitty television"


Ashley
The Mayor: Ashley is finally talking and it's the equivalent of a bitchy girl in a club bathroom. "She was being rull irritating”. I can't believe Ashley didn't get sent home. She is crucially crappy
Ty: She's irrelevant


Bianca
The Mayor: Bianca looks like Lil' RuPaul
The Mayor: “Isis looked more feminine than Bianca” - Love you, Jay!


Ty: Damn....that was harsh Jay.


Brittany
The Mayor: Brittany done good.


Courtney
Ty: Courtney has mom hair in her 20s. Can you imagine the Northern Reflections she'll have in her closest when she's 40?
The Mayor: Courtney can sell the shit out of JC Penney mom jeans. Courtney doesn't need any blurring in the chest.
Ty: “I feel disabled in the boot”.....again, my point....could you imagine all the girls watching this who are ACTUALLY FUCKING DISABLED?
The Mayor: "Wah wah wah he made me keep my boot on." The boot is the least of that dude's problems. Courtney looks like she's pushing out a dump.


Erin
The Mayor: Erin is looking very crack-head…and she wins it?
Ty: Damn!
The Mayor: Crazy! Well, she's good. I'll giver her that.




Kara
The Mayor: Whoah - Kara looks straight-up Sears.


Laura
Ty: Man....the country bumpkin has some lips on her.
The Mayor: Laura smize’ing = thinking about Cracker Barrel's grits and hash brown casserole
Ty: I really don't see how anyone can take her seriously when she sounds like Dolly Parton
The Mayor: TAKE THAT BACK - Dolly is my hero
Ty: you take Dolly Parton seriously?
The Mayor: Yes, I seriously base my life off Dolly. She's the best. If I have a daughter, I will name her Dolly. It's also my grandma's name, so it works on two levels
Ty: Right - so I'll shut up about that now
The Mayor: Laura has definitely made out with a 1st cousin
Ty: and she's been to at least third base in a barn


Lulu
The Mayor: Lulu: that girl isn't handling that weave well…but she does look both cute and sexy in that shot. How does that happen?

Nicole
The Mayor: I WANT WANT WANT Nicole's hair.


Rachael
The Mayor: I can’t believe Rachael went home. She actually had a chance. That's so weird that they would boot her before Bianca or that other black girl who's name I can never remember...Ashley?
Ty: Oh no. 'Some sort of personality'.....harsh.. true....she did have potential. She's going to have issues after this...sunglasses....everywhere, all the time....that'll be her thing


Rae
- no comments for Rae this week. Meh


Sundai
The Mayor: Sundai - cute. Too cute. Cute doesn't work for me.
Ty: She's 5'3 - she has to be cute...it's her thing
The Mayor: Sundai is very Chili from TLC
Ty: Is she the dead one?
The Mayor: No, Left Eye is dead.

The Mayor: And here's to Jay looking like Jon Gosselin mated with Pride Day...


Ty: horses! see....I know...I picked the theme out before we even got started. NUDE! I'm going to be okay.....trust me


Ty: oh, and buy the way here's L.C., who had nothing to do with show at all
The Mayor: By the way here's LC who needs a paycheque
The Mayor: LC is like "remind me to send my agent a muffin basket for keeping me relevant"
The Mayor: Alright, next week. "Put your eyebrows down" - I AM USING THAT

9.12.2009

There's a fucking freeloader at my house and I want them OUT

We have a little saying at my house:


Actually, I'm lying: I never even heard of that poem till I found it on a decorative plate at Value Village for $0.50, but it works, so I ain't gonna fight it. Right now I have a shitty living situation on my hands, and I am not sure how to deal with it. Wait, before I get to that, I should probably tell you about the house I live in so you can get a better idea of what I am dealing with. I have two room-mates, both about the same age as myself. I would like my own place, but as anyone who lives in a big city knows, rent ain't cheap (especially not in Toronto, where decent 1-bedroom apartments rent for $1200/month). And co-habiting isn't so bad; our house is huge, so we barely ever see each other. We have a two-storey home in The Beaches, a really quiet, small neighborhood in the east end of Toronto. It may not be the coolest neighborhood, but it's safe and quiet and our rent is fairly cheap and our house is nice and clean, so no complaints.

So yeah, there has always been three people in our house, up until about 1 month ago. Now we have three gainfully-employed, rent-paying room-mates and one unemployed, mooching degenerate. Fuck him. He eats our food, is fucking filthy, he's swarming with a shit-ton of diseases, shits wherever he wants, and his only job is to piss me off. He moved in without asking and we are having a hell of a time getting rid of him. I think he's been here long enough to claim squatter's rights (pfft...typical). Now, this would be where I would make a joke about how I'm obviously describing my out-of-work, bum of an ex-boyfriend, but I just can't; you could at least call the cops on someone like that. Maybe take up your shit with Judge Judy. But what I'm describing is way worse than a freeloading guy. People, this is Def Con 5...we have a mouse.

Editor's Note:
For all the assholes giving me a serious case of the side-eyes right now and mumbling some catty shit about me over-reacting, well you can shove a mouse up your ass, because having a mouse in your house is fucking nonsense.

I first noticed the mouse in the garbage. He was perched on the side eating the remains of a sandwich (hey, no judgment - we've all been there). So I hopped on my bike and rode down to the little hardware store to buy a snap-trap. I wish I could say that I chose the snap-trap because I knew what I was doing, but really it was just because I am cheap and wasn't willing to eradicate the mouse with anything over $1.50. The saddest part was that I had to get the guy to show me how to set it a couple of times, and he kept setting it off with his fingers. He was the sweetest Korean man and every time he would set it off, he would go "okay, okay, rets try dis again..." and I would go "NO! It's cool, I got it! You're going to break your fingers!" And then he would put up his hand in the "Oh, but I insist" way, and would proceed to set it again, and snap it again on 1 or 2 fingers. "OH! OW. You think you get it, and then it snap on you, and it hurt so much...so, so much...okay, rets try dis again".

So I went home, set the trap, baited it with peanut butter, and left it behind the trash can under the sink. The next morning I checked to see that the trap was okay and that it hadn't flipped itself or gotten set-off by someone throwing some garbage in and missing the can. I found the trap flipped-over, and was instantly pissed-off. "Fuck me, can't people in this house be more careful?" Then I looked closer and saw a foot. HELLS TO THE YES, BOBBY B!!! I caught the mouse! Now, the obvious thing to do would be to put on some gloves and pluck that furry bastard from his wood-and-wire hell, but I like to do things in the most difficult, intrusive way possible. So I called my only male room-mate to dispose of the body. He's originally from Brazil, where I hear they have cockroaches the size of your shoes, so I didn't think he'd mind handling a tiny dead mouse. He obliged, but winced through the whole ordeal like a 50's housewife. After Betty Draper had thrown out the mouse, I re-set the trap with some more peanut butter and left it again behind the garbage can. You know, just in case one of the mouse's bereaved family members decided to seek vengeance on me. Weeks passed, no more mouse. Home free!

This brings us to this morning. I'm sitting on my bed watching zit videos on YouTube (as I usually do on Saturday mornings) and I see a shadow pass by my dresser. I lean down to check it out, as I am sure it was a mouse (but I want to be sure) and sure enough this shit-for-brains mouse is staring at me from under my dresser. I tried to catch him, but he ran. He ran all around my room, and then hid behind a bookshelf. I frantically pulled the shelf out to get him, trapping him on both ends with the large rock I use as a door stop and my collection of very heavy VICE magazines. As it turns out, mice can hop over things, and he hopped over the rock and ran into my room-mates bedroom. I followed him in and watched him scurry into his hole like the cowardly little bastard that he is. I wasn't sure what to do, so I stuck the vacuum down the hole and tried to suck him out. FAIL. Didn't work. So I just patched the hole with silly putty until I can think of a better solution.

I went on with my day. I made lunch, did some laundry, worked for a bit on some editing work. Then around 8pm I saw another shadow from the corner of my eye in the kitchen. This time, the mouse ran from the fridge to under the dishwasher. Fuck mouse, why you joke me?? I double-checked the trap under the sink and found it set, but totally stripped of any bait. What? Did the mouse do that? I re-set it, of course, but what if he does it again? In case you were wondering, this is what the set-up looks like:


Look, I don't pretend to know anything about mice and their social acceptance of proper habitats, but does this not look like the mouse ghetto to you? Any mouse hanging out around here is definitely either a drug-dealer or a schizophrenic or something. Definitely a mouse who was dealt a shitty hand in its youth, that's for sure. Anyways, I'm crossing my finger that the trap gets him, but there is a good chance it wont. What if the mouse is wise to my game? What if he is allergic to peanuts? What if he is extremely malnourished and he isn't heavy enough to spring the trap? I know that I should be exploring a few other avenues in order to rid myself of this unwanted house-mooch, so I did a little research. Here is what I have so far:



Problem: There's a mouse in my house!
Solution: Buy a cat
Okay, so when I first moved in to this house, we had a tabby named Rick James (see post on outing my neighbor's cat). His owner was my room-mate Shannon, but then she decided to move out and take him with her (obviously). Anyways, while we had Ricky, we never ONCE saw a mouse. Now, I don't know if it's because he would catch them and eat them, or because the mice just instinctively knew there was a cat nearby, but we didn't have a mouse problem. So the obvious solution would be to get another cat; yeah, you would think that, but allow me to present this equation to you:
Mooches food + tears up your shit + dumps in the house = Mouse
Mooches food + sheds hair on your shit + dumps in the house = Cat
See what I mean? It's like I'm replacing one crappy animal with another, except that when you go on vacation, you don't need to beg a friend to house-sit the mice.


Problem: There's a mouse in my house!
Solution: Put down some glue traps
Okay, so before I have the PETA people on my ass, I would like to stress that I don't like to see animals die. Don't get me wrong - animals are tasty and make for great car interior material and, if properly prepared, their penises cure what ails ya, but I do not like watching them die. This is why I like snap-traps; because by the time I get to them, they are already up in Rodent Heaven, scampering around with Jesus and Stuart Little. Glue traps aren't as gracious; they make you hear the mouse die. GROSS...but very effective. All the mouse needs to do is run over the trap (they can't see it - it looks like the floor) and they get stuck. Well, sometimes they are feisty and they rip their own feet off to escape (that's some Rambo shit). But 9 times out of 10, they just wait there for you to come and drop a boot or a can of Chunky soup on their heads to put them out of their misery. Now, you all know that I love gross stuff, but I am not sure if I could kill a mouse with my own bare hands.


Problem: There's a mouse in my house!
Solution: Remove it in the most humane way possible
Um, are you fucking kidding me? NEXT.


Problem: There's a mouse in my house!
Solution: Rat poison
This is apparently a nearly fool-proof plan because Warfarin is like surf-n-turf to mice, so they will always ALWAYS run and gorge themselves on it. So that's the upside. The downside is that they then run back to their homes to lay on the couch with the top button of their pants undone watching re-runs of Seinfeld...where they die. The bad part is their homes are never right in the middle of your kitchen floor, where you can see them, but in the walls. And these motherfuckers STANK. One time I had a mouse die in my bedroom wall and it smelled like someone had put potpourri sachets of feces in my underwear drawer and lit my dresser on fire. Using Warfarin to get rid of the mice is like making a pact with the Devil; he'll get rid of the mice, but there's always a catch.

So yeah - if you can tell me how to get rid of the mice (mouse, mice...there's definitely more than one of those assholes) then please, PLEASE leave your suggestions in the comments, or email me at skipraid@gmail.com

Whoever gives me the best mouse-massacre'ing suggestion will win a prize. I haven't decided what the prize will be yet, but in all likelihood, it's gonna be a dead mouse. Goodnight everybody!

9.08.2009

America's Next Top Shawty

Okay, first off - are you looking at this fuckery? What in Inspector Gaga hell is going on here? Ugh, and you KNOW some dumb Pussycat Dolls-loving moron is looking at this going "Oh em gee - I would KILL for a trench'suit. I wonder if Guess makes them?" Well, Svetlana (I'm assuming this dumb broad's name is Svetlana), tonight at 8pm you'll get to find out! The long-awaited return of ANTM is finally happening, and I for one could not be happier. Cycle 12 was a dud, and don't even get me started on the shit-show that was Canada's Next Top Model...I just can't talk about it, it makes me too upset. I can imagine it's the same way a stressed-out parent approaches talking about a druggy son: just hanging their head in their hands and weeping.

So let's move on to better things. ANTM is finally in its 13th Cycle, but this one has a clever, wacky twist. The twist is that they will actually produce a model who gets work. AS TO THE IF, BOBBY B. As of right now, the most successful ANTM model is Adrienne Curry, and that doesn't say much. That's like saying "I had 12 gallstones removed, and one of them went on to be used as an example in an Everest College medical class!" No, the twist is that all the models are under 5'7. I know...file that under who gives a hot dump. So are you ready to hurl insults and pick apart each model like we always do? You betcha! Let's get started, we've got some uglies to bump!

Ashley, 22 years old / Occupation: Artist / Height: 5'6
Okay, here is my first beef with the ANTM models: in order to be a decent model, should you not have some kind of style? Ashley is just so boring to me. And bish plz, "artist"?? As to the if. Something tells me she either designs shitty greeting cards or paints sunflowers ("Van Gogh is just such an inspiration to me"). Ugh, I need to move on from this girl because she is giving me a major case of the sleeps.

Bianca, 21 years old / Occupation: Student / Height: 5'7
Dye homegirl's hair blonde and you've got Amber Rose 2.0. NOT A COMPLIMENT. Bianca is...um...I can't even describe her. She looks so lost, there are too many styles working here.

Brittany, 21 years old / Occupation: Student / Height: 5'5
Ah, the Classy Cocktail Waitress look - so timeless. Whatever, this girl looks like she may get far. I could see her doing Guess ads or Forever 21 - I mean, that's nothing to write home about, but it's better than Old Navy and a kick in the ass.

Courtney, 22 years old / Occupation: Cheer Instructor / Height: 5'4
Cheer Instructor? Rolls eyes. You're a cheerleader, plain and simple. Hope you didn't burn any bridges with the Minnesota State Athletics Dept., because I have a feeling you will be crawling your old-ass back to them very soon (crawling with those massive shoulders and huge arms...what the hell?) Hey Courtney! Here's a cheer for you!
Someone run and tell Miss J
Bitch was born with a d-i-c-k
22 is too many years
If you're lucky you'll book Sears

Erin, 18 years old / Occupation: Student / Height: 5'6
This girl is straight-up Neutrogena. I wonder what her makeover will look like? Right now I'm not getting a feeling from her - she could either be Top 3 or a Dud.

Jennifer, 23 years old / Occupation: Model / Height: 5'5
1. You're not wearing pants.
2. YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE JON GOSSELIN
3. You're already a model?...chile, sit down with mama. Modeling ain't working out for you. It's time to quit, go back to school, get yo GED, maybe work as a paralegal's assistant. Get off the couch, go to Everest College.

Kara, 19 years old / Occupation: Student / Height: 5'7
Kara immediately gets -1000 points from me for wearing a shitty dress with an exposed zipper. SO. LAST. SEASON. Also, those boots? You look like a crappy cartoon character. Although she could walk right off my monitor and into a Marciano ad, so...I guess she's not that bad. Not good, but not bad either.

Laura, 19 years old / Occupation: Waitress / Height: 5'6
I would be DYING if Laura had done some amazing 70's styles instead of this cheap Wal-Mart get-up. How much is she reminding you of Sissy Spacek? And, since Sissy Spacek is one of my forever heroes, I like Laura. DON'T MAKE ME REGRET THIS DECISION, GIRL.

Lisa, 19 years old / Occupation: Student / Height: 5'5
Lisa is sassy and pretty, but remember how they don't like pretty? This could work against her. Also, she could be a one-trick pony - this could be her look. Hand on hip, head ghetto-crooked to the side, face that says "yeah, I stole that Starter jacket. And I'll steal like 7 more by the end of the week. Now what did I miss in History class?"

Lulu, 19 years old / Occupation: Student / Height: 5'7
Fix. Her. Hair. Other than that, Lulu will definitely be in the Top 3.

Nicole, 18 years old / Occupation: Student / Height: 5'7
OMG Nicole, I love your shirt! I had the same one in Grade 10! Remember when shirts like that were cool? And strappy sandals with jeans?!? So Britney Spears 2001. Are you being "retro"? You're adorable! You're like a little martian who doesn't know anything!

Rachel, 18 years old / Occupation: Customer Service / Height: 5'5
She kind of reminds me of a 1/2 black Emma Stone. Right? Kind of. She is different looking, but I don't think I could actually see her booking anything. If I saw her in a magazine, I would be like "Whoah! Did they fuck up the photoshopping on this girl or something? Because she looks really weird."

Rae, 21 years old / Occupation: Stay-at-home Mom / Height: 5'6Stay-at-home Mom at 21?

Sundai, 18 years old / Occupation: Student / Height: 5'3
Sundai, save for the crappy spelling of her name, looks like a fun ball of messy. No makeup, hair that looks like a raggy weave; this bitch doesn't give a FUCK. And I like that. Plus, this girl is tiny-short, so you know she's going to be like an out of control terrier. I can't wait to see her go crazy on someone.