9.16.2009

America's Next Top Model, Cycle 13: EP 2

The Mayor: What the hell channel is this in again?
Ty: ummm...08? like the year that either of us last had meaningful sex
The Mayor: BWAHAHAHA - funny and true
Ty: I know....that's my thing
The Mayor: Oh well...there's still 3 months left in 09! (crosses fingers)
Ty: think of all the years that ANTM has been on.


The Mayor: Oh my god, I hate when they do these skits. I feel like I'm watching community theatre
Ty: is this Dan Levy's out of work actor brother?
The Mayor: SuperSmieys? Smiling with your eyes = smieyes. Uh, that is Smerrible
Ty: OKAY - she's taking this 'making up word thing too far'. she's making my penis go insmies me
The Mayor: She's making me want to punch-a-smieyes my television
Ty: So I've just questioned how we've wasted hours of our lives watching this....I could have written a thesis
The Mayor: I know - on my death bed I will be holding my grandkid's hands and say "I wish...I hadn't watched...so much....shitty television"


Ashley
The Mayor: Ashley is finally talking and it's the equivalent of a bitchy girl in a club bathroom. "She was being rull irritating”. I can't believe Ashley didn't get sent home. She is crucially crappy
Ty: She's irrelevant


Bianca
The Mayor: Bianca looks like Lil' RuPaul
The Mayor: “Isis looked more feminine than Bianca” - Love you, Jay!


Ty: Damn....that was harsh Jay.


Brittany
The Mayor: Brittany done good.


Courtney
Ty: Courtney has mom hair in her 20s. Can you imagine the Northern Reflections she'll have in her closest when she's 40?
The Mayor: Courtney can sell the shit out of JC Penney mom jeans. Courtney doesn't need any blurring in the chest.
Ty: “I feel disabled in the boot”.....again, my point....could you imagine all the girls watching this who are ACTUALLY FUCKING DISABLED?
The Mayor: "Wah wah wah he made me keep my boot on." The boot is the least of that dude's problems. Courtney looks like she's pushing out a dump.


Erin
The Mayor: Erin is looking very crack-head…and she wins it?
Ty: Damn!
The Mayor: Crazy! Well, she's good. I'll giver her that.




Kara
The Mayor: Whoah - Kara looks straight-up Sears.


Laura
Ty: Man....the country bumpkin has some lips on her.
The Mayor: Laura smize’ing = thinking about Cracker Barrel's grits and hash brown casserole
Ty: I really don't see how anyone can take her seriously when she sounds like Dolly Parton
The Mayor: TAKE THAT BACK - Dolly is my hero
Ty: you take Dolly Parton seriously?
The Mayor: Yes, I seriously base my life off Dolly. She's the best. If I have a daughter, I will name her Dolly. It's also my grandma's name, so it works on two levels
Ty: Right - so I'll shut up about that now
The Mayor: Laura has definitely made out with a 1st cousin
Ty: and she's been to at least third base in a barn


Lulu
The Mayor: Lulu: that girl isn't handling that weave well…but she does look both cute and sexy in that shot. How does that happen?

Nicole
The Mayor: I WANT WANT WANT Nicole's hair.


Rachael
The Mayor: I can’t believe Rachael went home. She actually had a chance. That's so weird that they would boot her before Bianca or that other black girl who's name I can never remember...Ashley?
Ty: Oh no. 'Some sort of personality'.....harsh.. true....she did have potential. She's going to have issues after this...sunglasses....everywhere, all the time....that'll be her thing


Rae
- no comments for Rae this week. Meh


Sundai
The Mayor: Sundai - cute. Too cute. Cute doesn't work for me.
Ty: She's 5'3 - she has to be cute...it's her thing
The Mayor: Sundai is very Chili from TLC
Ty: Is she the dead one?
The Mayor: No, Left Eye is dead.

The Mayor: And here's to Jay looking like Jon Gosselin mated with Pride Day...


Ty: horses! see....I know...I picked the theme out before we even got started. NUDE! I'm going to be okay.....trust me


Ty: oh, and buy the way here's L.C., who had nothing to do with show at all
The Mayor: By the way here's LC who needs a paycheque
The Mayor: LC is like "remind me to send my agent a muffin basket for keeping me relevant"
The Mayor: Alright, next week. "Put your eyebrows down" - I AM USING THAT

2 comments:

Michael Aleksander said...

Rachael had amazing potential. Why get rid of her? Fucking fool, Tyra.

Courtney's photo wasn't bad. Ashley's was much worse. WHY IS ASHLEY STILL THERE?

Marie said...

The Mayor: No, Left Eye is dead.

I was expecting a Jennifer joke to follow this comment for suuuuuuure.