9.02.2009

Gross Alert! Ear wax videos are the new zit-popping videos

Hello friends! Here at The Skip-Raid we're big fans of gross stuff: zits, poop, butts, tonsil stones, etc etc, and you know I'm always in the mood for new gross shit. Well, this summer my love for zit-popping videos finally moved out of my basement and out into the world. I still have tonsil stone videos living at home, but the house still feels empty, so I decided to adopt a new gross-video genre to replace it (honestly, even I am no longer completely sure of what I am talking about anymore).

So I searched high and low and auditioned several types of gross-out videos. First there was bot fly extraction, which (dare I say it) was even too gross for me. I really just like gross stuff that naturally occurs in your body without living in Nairobi for 3 months. Bot flies - no good. Allow me to explain: a bot fly is a larvae that will insert itself into your skin. Then you have to remove it, which usually involves squeezing or pulling with tweezers. Then a long, stubby white-ish worm comes out. It's gross, trust; but if you really want to see it for yourself, just type bot fly into the YouTube search, and you'll have everything you've ever needed to know about parasites. After dabbling in stubby African worms, I tried getting to know our good friend MSRA/staph infection videos, but really - once you've seen one wound dressed, you've seen them all. After MSRA came cysts, at-home surgeries, eye infections. Nothing fit. Ingrown hairs? SNORE. Hammer toes? DOUBLE SNORE. Things were starting to get very bleak, until I got a double ear infection. THAT'S IT! Ear wax! Why had I not thought of it before? Ear wax is perfect, and the videos have it all: small cameras, little lights, close-ups, tweezers, hair folicles, crusty shit, crevices. SWOON.

So welcome to our introduction of Ear Wax Videos! And for the sake of my weak-stomached readers, I have added a gross-out rating to help you decide whether you should watch or not. I know, you can thank me later with a muffin basket.

Okay, this first one isn't so bad - it really looks the same as what comes out of a clogged vacuum cleaner.
How gross is it? I'd give this a 3/5. It's gross, but not so gross your gag reflex will get a workout.



This next one is more funny than gross; it's an at-home extraction (excellent) and it's more about the process and shirtless guys than gross wax. That isn't to say there isn't a great payoff at the end (also, from now on, every time I pop/extract something, I plan on saying "I made that!")
How gross is it? Oh my god, like a 1/5. Not gross at all, actually.



Okay, this one is pretty damn good; it looks like a demo from This Old House. Tear down the walls, boys!
How gross is it? Um....4.5/5. When they finally remove that huge piece, I actually yelled HAY'ULL NAW out loud.



This last one is a nice reminder that while we're stuck here in North America with crappy-ass Q-Tips, our friends in Japan can pay to have Soft-Spoken Technician-San gently massage the crap out of their ears. WANT.
How gross is it? Can I rate in the negatives? Of course I can - my blog, my rating system: -4/5. This is the opposite of gross; I actually felt very relaxed listening to it (plus, how happy is the guy at the end? Oh Japan - I love you).

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I watched every one of those - then I went to youtube and searched for more. I feel disgusting. thanks mayor.

Renee said...

That was like therapy. The kind of therapy where they make people afraid of clowns go to a circus where everyone gets stabbed.

Sailor Tokyo said...

I have had my ears cleaned in Japan...it is intense.
I would also recommend googling ear cleaning instruments in Japan...
Bewared the punctured eardrum!
Hilarious stuff kiddo.