12.30.2009

Happy Poo Year! or What I Remembered Most About the '00s

I totally need to add a copyright-copyright-copyright to this jpeg, as it was sent to me by my blogging-bff Ty (Note to self: send Ty D2: The Mighty Ducks on DVD). Anyways guys, I was thinking of ways I could wrap up the decade, since every fucking blogger (and their Memaws on Twitter) have been doing for the past week, but honestly? Can I get a "who the hell cares?" Do we really need more nerds losing their shit over The Dark Knight or arguing over why Beyonce's Single Ladies is the best music video ever blah blah blah, am I right? Like, I truly don't give a crap. Sowwy! I know I hurt your feelings, 24 fans, but I just can't get involved in a debate about the Jack Bauer character development being superior to that of Michael Scott's. So let's not talk about movies and TV and how many times George W Bush fucked up or that MJ died. Here is what I will remember the most about the past 10 years:


The visible genitals of Crazy Frog.

I can't remember the first time I saw his tiny, digitally-created weenis; but I do remember looking at the TV and asking out loud:

"Is that...is that the frog's dick?"

And behold! It was! Many cartoons have gone pants-less over the years: Donald Duck, for instance, or Ziggy, and yet none have been progressive and edgy enough to show visible genitalia. Why hide what God and Christ Jesus gave you? Children grow up so fast these days, that they want, nay - deserve, to see a cartoon's genitalia. Especially when it is crooning a classic melody, like the theme to Beverly Hills Cop. Personally, I know that the first time I saw Beverly Hills Cop, I kept thinking to myself "god, this song is catchy. I really hope that two decades from now, someone re-records it using an annoying, digitized car horn and create a visually-jarring character to sing it. Then, put it in the hands of the most annoying, stupid people you can find (American Teenagers) and get them to play it over and over again." Thank you, Jesus! You answered my prayers! Now...add a penis.

I also love that designer Erik Wernquist (who created the true high-art that is Crazy Frog) made sure to give the little guy a helmet (safety first), tiny leather vest, and goggles...which would mean he is operating some kind of motor vehicle. Now, I'm not a member of the book-reading liberal elite, but can I just go ahead and assume that placing your genitals against the hot metal of a motorcycle might not be advisable? But Crazy Frog isn't a normal frog; he's crazy. Crazy enough to cause a significant amount of scarring and damage to his testicles on the searing-hot body of his motorcycle. Well, I guess that's why they call him Crazy! (Lack of impulse control and self-harming behavior are often tell-tale signs of mental illness).

But if the visible sex organs of an animated frog represent the zeitgeist of the '00s, then what can we forecast for the next 10 years? Will we finally see our first televised animated defecation? Maybe Pixar will work a weird sex scene into their next film? Who knows. But I do know this: 9/11, the first Black American President, the death of the King of Pop, me graduating High School...all of this stands second only to the junk of a cartoon frog. Meep meep, see you in '010 friends!!

1 comment:

Ryan said...

I appreciate the thought, but frogs don't have penises. They don't wear helmets either, it's true, but I say if you are going to add genitalia to a cartoon at least keep it anatomically correct. How about a cloaca?