The 2010 Olympics so far: a poorly-researched blog post

Hey guys! So it's Day 4 of the 2010 Winter Olympics, and so far I have watched...yeah, all of 30 minutes. I know I know, I'm a terrible Canadian, but it's not my fault - I had a lot of Sarah Silverman Program to catch up on this weekend. But I did watch some speed skating (aka Hilarious Speed Failing) and let people's Facebook statuses fill in the blanks for me. Anyways, here is what I know about the 2010 Winter Olympics so far:

1. Moments before the opening ceremonies, Nodar Kumaritashvili (luge) was killed when he was thrown from his sled into a steel pole. Wow. This could be the most depressing start to an Olympic games since the 1996 Summer Games mascot was revealed. Anyways, my thoughts go out to his family who are no doubt heartbroken, but can realize that he died trying to achieve his lifelong dream. RIP NoKum.

2. The Olympics STILL won't allow women to participate in the ski jump because we are far too delicate and genteel to shoot off a jump on skis. Fuck, I don't want to get all "I'm a feminist and I don't go to the dentist because I don't believe in the patriarchy policing my exterior appearance so that I can confine to their rigid view of beauty" but seriously? You won't allow women in ski jump?!? It's two-thousand-fucking-ten and there is ONE SPORT LEFT that is male-only. Fuck, women are allowed in biathlon and that is skis + A FUCKING RIFLE. Like, did you just hear what I said?! You know who shouldn't be given a firearm during aggressive competition, where all it takes is one person to mutter "bitch ain't shit" under their breath? Um, WOMEN. And yet we're still not allowed to jump off a hill on skis. On a snowboard, sure - go nuts. But skis? That's just crazy.

3. If mens figure skating was a prison yard, y'all would be Johnny Weir's bitch.

He designs all his own costumes, most of which look like cast-offs from RuPaul's Drag Race. His exhibition skate is to Lady Gaga's Pokerface. When PETA told him they were going to make his life a living hell if he wore fur at the Olympics, he gave them a sassy bitch, pls. Last night he skated in the short program, came 6th, and did a little "I don't care" wave-and-a-smile. LOVE. HIM.

4. Um, we rule snowboard cross.

5. Apolo Ohno won a gold medal in 2002, then another in 2006, THEN won Dancing with the Stars in 2007, and just won a silver medal in Vancouver. So, basically he rules pretty hard.

6. The Canadian women's hockey team beat Slovakia 18-0. BWAHAHAHHAAHAH. 18-0?!?! That's cold, Canada.

7. Shaun White kind of looks like a mix between Carrot Top and Justin Timberlake doing Robin Gibb.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Four years from now there will be a luge run built for the Olympic Winter games in Russia in memory of Nodar, a shorter and slower run...hmmmm.

The IOC claims that womens ski jumping is too dangerous when what they really mean is it isn't nearly as profitable as snowboarding.

Johnny W was sweating sequins over the PETA threats...that's why he's (behind barbed wire)sharing a room with Tanith Belbin at the Olympic village! Loved how he ended his short program last night with a kiss!

Carrot Top, JT AND Sheryl Crow!