8.23.2010

What ever happened to?...Student Bodies edition!

I knew that when I did a What ever happened to about Breaker High, it would only be a matter of time before someone asked for a Student Bodies write-up. Can I blame you? Student Bodies was the best-worst show on YTV (next to S Club 7, of course). I realize that Student Bodies may be a little esoteric to some of you; where Breaker High was passable as a US show, Student Bodies was straight-up Canadian. Many elements plagued the show's reputation as a piss-poor Canadian high school serial: limited locations, poorly-constructed sets, one-dimensional acting, obvious low budget, recycled scripts and plotlines. And yet? Holy shit, it was the best show on television. Just take a look at the main title sequence:



Everyone you knew watched Student Bodies. They may not have admitted it, but I can promise you that if I stood in a room full of 25 to 28-year-olds and yelled "STOO-DANT BAWWWWWDAYS!" I can be damn sure they would yell back "ITS NOT REAL LIFE ITS HIGH SCHOOL!!!" Okay, so are we ready to take a trip back to the late-90s and see what the students of Thomas A. Edison High are doing now? Some will surprise you!

Cody (Jamie Elman)
Cody was the star of Student Bodies, for which reason I have no idea. He had the charisma of a diaper and the good looks of the monkey from Outbreak. Also he was very whiny and shrugged his shoulders a lot (I wonder if that was written into the script? "Cody looks forlornly at Emily, then shrugs his shoulders"). He was always wearing v-neck sweaters/shirts and he looked like one of the teachers; he looked more like an undercover cop than a high school student. Anyways, Jamie Elman didn't exactly struggle for work after Student Bodies; I wish I could make fun of him, but he actually got a lot hotter post-SB and booked a ton of jobs. I mean, here's a quick run-down of some of the bit-parts he's gotten:
American Dreams, The Closer, Criminal Minds, Crossing Jordan, Mad Men (What?!!?), Y&R. It's crazy that Jamie Elman may be better known in the 60+ Americans age bracket than with Canadian 20 to 30-year-olds. But for those of you who aren't 60, do you remember this?

That's right! Jamie was the bartender on Curb Your Enthusiasm who didn't really want to wear the bowtie. Remember?!?! From the episode "The Freak Book"? So here's the rule: If someone makes an appearance, no matter how small, on CYE, you cannot EVER make fun of their past work. If you have breathed the same air as Larry David, you are immune to my heckling indefinitely.

Emily (Nicole Lyn)
As you may remember, Emily was Cody's crush and was supposed to be the hottest girl-next-door. Um...what? Emily was boring and not that pretty and had style like a stay-at-home-mom. Not much of a departure from her first acting job on Eric's World.

Um, hello?!?! Do you remember Eric's World? If you grew up in Canada, you'd recognize Eric Nagler from The Elephant Show with Sharon, Lois, and Bram. But if you're my mom, you recognize Eric Nagler as that asshole who cut you off at the Mariposa Folk Festival (a story that forever tarnished my image of Eric Nagler as the happy-go-lucky sidekick of Sharon, Lois, and Bram and instead solidified his image as a poor driver who may have flipped my mother the bird). Anyways, Nicole Lyn is working just as much as Jamie Elman, and the work may not be as good (I didn't really recognize anything on her IMDB page with the exception of Deliver Us from Eva and The L Word). She hasn't worked in 2 years and she's married to Dule Hill. Wait, what?

Damn. She is married to the guy from She's All That!

Chris (Ross Hull)
We all know that Ross Hull got his start as Gary, Leader of the Midnight Society, on Are You Afraid of the Dark.
But what's he doing now? All you need to know about Chris (Ross Hull) is that he is now a Weatherman for The Weather Network. That's it. HE'S A FUCKING WEATHERMAN!!
Know what the worst part is? He's not an anchor - he's the guy they throw to out in a field, on the lake, wearing a poncho in the pouring rain, talking to crazy farmers about weather patterns. That's right: If he was on network news, he'd be the girl that tapes segments on doggie fashion shows and people vying for a spot in The Guinness Book of World Records by cooking with World's Largest Cheeseburger.

Mags (Katie Emme)
I checked her IMDB page and it was pretty skinny; not much work, no pictures. The last acting job she had was in 2006 on a show called Black Widower. So where do you go when you need more information? That's right, Facebook!
Thank goodness she has a partially-open profile, so here is what I have gathered:
- she now lives in Point-Claire, Quebec
- she has a little girl
- she has 174 friends, which is much less than me (yay!)
- of those 174 friends, 5 were on Student Bodies. I happen to be friends with no one who was on Student Bodies. Well played, Mags.


Victor Kane
(Mik Perlus)
Mik Perlus seems to have fallen into the same career-sucking black hole that Katie Emme did back in 2006, as he really hasn't done much since writing one script for the tv show Instant Star (which, if you have never seen it, you NEED to see RIGHT NOW. It is just awful and corny and over-dramatic. It's amazing, really). I found his Facebook profile and it's super private, so all I could really get from it is that his profile picture is him posing with a baby.

Maybe it's his? Maybe he stole it? I don't know. But I did find an interview he did with some guy on Facebook. The interview itself is pretty boring (there is not one mention of Mik Perlus's favourite sandwich. SHAME) so I read through and found this, which is by far the best butt nugget in the whole thing (oh, and I have added my inner monologue just for added flare):

What has been the biggest highlight of your career?
I’m fortunate enough to say that there have been a few. Few being the operative word here. Winning a WGC award for Degrassi was definitely a highlight. It was the first moment that I felt I could really have a career in this crazy industry. No you don't. Walking the red carpet with my Student Bodies cast mates at the opening of the Planet Hollywood in Montreal was my first celebrity moment. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Please tell me he's kidding. I should mention this interview took place long after Planet Hollywood filed for bankruptcy and YTV finally stopped airing old episodes of Student Bodies, so he's really reaching into the vault here. People knew who we were. They didn’t care, but at least they knew. Truth! Performing on stage as Jay Osmond in a TV movie was the closest I have ever come to feeling like a rock star. Ironically, it's as close as you'll ever come to being a real star. And lastly, seeing my first Instant Star script produced. There is something magical about creating an entire series from a blank page and then seeing your imagination brought to life....then watching as your imagination gets canceled.

Flash (Jessica Goldapple)
Ding ding ding!!! We have a winner for the Student Bodies alum who hasn't gotten an acting job in almost a decade. Her Facebook profile lists her interests as: film, theatre, music, poetry, translation, wine, scotch. Something tells me that with every failed audition, she becomes more and more interested in those last two.

Romeo (Mark Taylor)
On Friday I heard a funny story about Romeo from Student Bodies. A friend of a friend used to work at a sex shop on Yonge St. in Toronto and one time Romeo came in and bought a fake wee-wee and bum-bum things. I don't want to use the real terms because I'm a lady, and also because I don't like to imagine any member of the cast of Student Bodies fornicating.

8.20.2010

Cathy Friday

No intro this week, just right to the 3-panel dogturd that is Cathy. Let's go!
Click to make big.

Okay, so Cathy is clearly back from that depressing vacation with her husband. Thank god! Now he can stop embarrassing her by wearing a t-shirt in the pool and go back to embarrassing her by simply existing. Anyways, Cathy comes back to work and all her office chums crowd around her like the Head Plastic that she is. As to the If. I highly doubt that a middle aged Debbie Downer like Cathy has as many as 4 friends. I mean, sure - maybe that bald guy; he looks like a 40-year-old virgin who still lives with his mother, so I could see why Cathy would be cool in his eyes. But the others? They're definitely there just to make fun of Cathy and her husband. If only Cathy Guisewite made a comic about the 3 of them waiting for Cathy to return from vacation. I bet it might go a little something like this:

Blonde Woman: Oh my god, did you hear Cathy and Irving are going to Mexico?
Jim Halpert: Shit, I bet her husband wears a t-shirt when he goes swimming.
Brunette Woman: I bet they asked for a room with two double beds.
Blonde Woman: I really need to see pictures from her vacation; I bet they're so gross. You know his back is probably covered in hair and zits.
Jim Halpert: I'm sure both of them have backs covered in hair and zits.
All: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!
Brunette Woman: Oh god, Cathy is so gross.

Exactly. Then Cathy gets back and is BEGGING for attention and everyone is rolling their eyes and making faces behind their cubicle walls like "OMG the beast is back!" But I just noticed something very interesting: the first panel has the loser saying "Of course we want to hear about your vacation pictures!" which would insinuate that someone had proposed or ask if anyone wanted to view said vacation pictures. Which would mean that no one asked to see them. Which would also mean that Cathy had to come back and ask if anyone wanted to see them. This, of course, is a rhetorical question, because no one in their right mind actually wants to sit through 10 of the longest minutes of their life looking at jpeg after jpeg of the ocean on Cathy's Dell laptop. Moving on.

The second panel is rife with pointless questions that have never, ever been asked in real life. When is the last time someone was like "Hey! I finally have pictures of my new dog Truffles. Does anyone want to see them?" and you were like "Not really. I'm more excited about is whether or not you use Flickr or Photobucket. Your dog I could give two shits about." Obviously, no one talks like this, but this is the Cathy-verse, where hats are worn on the feet and hamburgers eat people (wait...that's Rand-McNally).

In the third panel, Cathy has had enough of her co-worker's stupid questioning and she gets down to brass tacks: do you want to see Cathy's bloated and pasty-white body in a bikini or not?!? As it turns out, no. No they do not want to actually see the pictures. Frankly, I'm with them; there is nothing more horrific to me than the possibility of having to feign interest at Cathy's grotesque vacation pictures. I'd rather ask Cathy about the minutiae of photo editing/saving/sharing than have to actually see said pictures. "Cathy, at which resolution do you typically save your images? How about file sizes; how many images do you usually compress? Do you own a light meter? Which one? Can you show me online which light meter you would suggest I buy?"

But I think my favourite zinger of all is when Cathy asks "Does anyone want to see a vacation picture?" and they reply "How would that enhance our experience of life?" AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good one, guys!

Funny: 5/5 - Watching Cathy get such an epic burn made my week.

Depressing: 1/5 - It's only depressing from Cathy's POV, but really - who the hell chooses to see their world from Cathy's point of view? Exactly.

Does this warrant a spot in the newspaper? Yes! The only thing better to happen in the world of Cathy was finding out the strip got canned.

8.19.2010

Some cute things that I like right now

These were the two dogs that went up in space with Sputnik 5. Aren't they cute? I'd like to space-hug them.

This is a letterpress card maker on Etsy who made a cute smiley lightbulb card. I'm not linking to her site, because the rest are pretty snore-snore :(

Isn't he dapper?

Oooooof! I'd like to hug both of them!!!!

I'm going to make these for my house-warming party in September. I'd like to have some ice cream cone balloons for my house. Then when they start to deflate, we can suck all the helium out!

This is a paper toy that, when made, turns into this:

Go to cartoonnetwork.com to download all three. You can enlarge the picture above and print it out and make your own. Why not?

I'd like to let this dog lick my face.

I want one of these very badly for my desk. It runs on the suns.

Pepakura!
I wonder what he's wishing for (I bet it's a fish!)

8.17.2010

My new favourite blog

Hey everyone! Okay, so summer at The Skip-raid is always pretty slow, and I can promise you more SUPER FUN POSTS that will merlest the crap out of your brain come September, but for now my life is the following:
1. Bikes
2. BLL (Bud Light Lime)
3. Wet Hot American Summer
4. Mint chocolate chip ice cream
5. Reading blogs
Also, can I mention for a second here? In October I will be heading out on a cross-country road trip all across 'Merica. 12 States! 9 Days! 10lb weight gain! And also Disney World, but I will talk about that later. For now, I'm here to chitter chat about the best blog I have read in a long-ass time.

Good people, I am pleased to introduce you to...

The Life and Times of Sarah Gall


Okay, here is what you need to know. Sarah is a recovering/still using/struggling drug addict who's one-day-at-a-time philosophy doesn't exactly...seem to be working. It's like every post follows the same pattern:

It's like reading an episode of A&E's Intervention. Now, before you go off on me for not calling Dr. Drew or forwarding her email the number of a good in-patient program, please do me a favour and read about 10 blog posts and you'll see that we're not dealing with someone who is on the brink of an overdose. It seems like she's just into weed (not a drug, but can become a crutch) and booze (actually really bad). Oh, and she is bipolar and has borderline personality disorder. Now, here is what gets me: as someone living with, and not ashamed of, Mental Illness, I for one am more pissed that she's medicating with psychotropics and not an SSRI, but that's just me. I hooked up with SSRIs more than 4 years ago and I feel it saved my life (not to get all sentimental on you) but really, in order to live a healthy life with MI, you need to either get on the drugs, get with a psychotherapist, or both. Medicating with booze and weed does nothing but fuck you up even more, and when you're going on 30, that's a very dangerous road to go down alone. Anyways, back to my original point.

Reading this blog is crazy because, while it feels like you're reading something written by Vince Gilligan for Jesse Pinkman, IT'S ACTUALLY REAL. So it's stupid funny, stupid sad, and stupid stupid; sometimes you want to reach through the monitor and scream "YOUR FRIENDS ARE FUCKING LOSERS AND THEY'RE USING YOU AND YOU'LL NEVER GET A JOB TILL YOU STOP SMOKING SO MUCH WEED!!!" It's pretty much like watching TV, except this is someone's life, and right now their life is kind of off the tracks.

I have spoken about drug use before on The Skip-raid, and I don't often get too deep, so if you can't handle me being this for a second, then stick around:

And yes, that is Coop in a bathrobe in the training montage of Wet Hot American Summer (you're welcome). Here's the thing with drug addiction; it's not just you. It's everyone around you. It's your boss and your landlord and your Memaw and your cat. It's the friends you had and the friends you now have, who you know shouldn't really be your friends anyways. And it sucks. And you only use more and more and before you know it, you're not yourself. You're not anyone you'd have ever been friends with. So I'm rooting for Sarah. Hell, I'm rooting for Lindsay Lohan. No one should feel like the only way out of addiction is death (because it's better to be judged by 12 than carried by 6. Oh wait, that's why prison is better than death. Shit. Nevermind. But it's a good analogy, right?) In her last blog post she mentions that she's finally ready to reserve a bed at Detox and work the bad shit out. I didn't know you could go to detox for booze and weed, but if you can, then go for it! Get clean and sober! But in the meantime, go back and read through her archives; I promise you it's like a D.A.R.E. program that actually works. The poor spelling, the erratic grammar usage, run-on sentences; it sort of makes you wonder why no one has intervened before. Oh wells, who cares? Start at the beginning and read all the way through - it's like a triumphant Hollywood movie, except that the ending hasn't been written yet. Let's hope the ending is good.

8.13.2010

Cathy Friday

AAAACCCK!!!! Are you kidding me???!?!?!

`Cathy' comic strip ending after 34 years
(Associated Press)

Just when I think of one (ONE) good idea, that bitch Cathy Guisewite ruins it for me. Well shame on you Cathy, you selfish slag. You owe me at least 2 months of Cathy comics (because, let's face it...I would have kept at Cathy Friday for about 2 months before losing interest/getting bored/moving on to something food-based).

Shit, looks like I spoke too soon - I just checked, and the last Cathy comic strip will run on October 3rd. Looks like I still have 2 months worth of Cathys! Let's get to todays, shall we?

Click to make big.

Okay. This strip's star is Cathy's mother (who's name I'm far too lazy to Google) complaining in the way only dementia-stricken seniors can about...photography? Whaaaa? An old person complaining about an even-older technology like photography? Where ya taking this one, Cathy Guisewite? Cathy's mother complains that she takes too many pictures; are you kidding me? Cathy is so boring that her biggest, most life-shattering vice is photography. Not smoking. Not drinking. Cathy was single well into her 40s and complained and whined about every minute of it, so if I had to wager a guess as to what her obsessive habits were during that sadly single time in her life, it would be either crysturbation, cat collecting, or both. Cathy's mom is freaking the fuck out like the moms on A&E's Intervention. Um, why? As far as I know, the only people Cathy interacts with on the regular is her dog Electra, the few people in her office who don't avoid her, and the woman who sells her bathing suits; so really, who the hell is Cathy taking pictures of? Herself? EW. Imagine looking through 600 close-up pictures of Cathy? That's like a dare! Gross!!! Moving on.

In panel three, Cathy's mom, who was previously in an old-fashioned picture framing set-up from the 1920, is now in a weird starbust version of said framing device. And yet she's looking at pictures online. But Cathy has chosen to illustrate old fashioned picture mats. What. The. Fuck. No wonder this strip got canceled (oh, excuse me...retired. Yeah right. Cathy, just admit that no one wants to read your piss-poor excuse for a comic strip anymore and you got canned). Blargh. Okay, so Cathy's mom pulls a 180 and starts gushing over god-knows-what. Whatever it is, she's loving it. I'm just shocked she knows how to use a computer. Frame 4 introduces us to Cathy's father who looks WAAAAAAY younger than his wife. Papa Cathy looks like he's 60 and Mama Cathy looks like she's 112. He says "when Mother says there are too many pictures, she means there are too many pictures of other things besides her baby." CATHY IS A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN!! It's no mystery that Cathy is as fucked up and boring as she is; her mother still refers to her as a baby. Also Cathy's father refers to his wife as "Mother". Also Cathy is wearing a sweatshirt with a heart on it. Cathy's mother is obsessively lusting after more pictures of her daughter.
Somebody call Harmony Korine, THIS STRIP IS TOO WEIRD!!

Funny: 1/5 - It's funny to laugh at how senile Cathy's mother is, although laughing at people in the throws of crippling senility isn't that funny, so I might just knock this down to 0.5/5 for good measure.

Depressing: 5/5 - Depressing in two ways!
1) Imagine if your own mother obsessively looked at pictures of you online, then asked you for more. Then complained that there are too many pictures that aren't you and wished you'd take them down and replace them with more pictures of yourself. Erp.
2) Cathy's mother wants to look at pictures of her Daughter so much that it leads me to believe she never sees her in person. Aw, Cathy! Visit your mother more, you asshole! She just wants to look at your pretty face (typing that made me barf).

Does this warrant a spot in the newspaper? No. If anything, this just reminds all the oldies that their kids don't visit them enough, and when they do, they show up inappropriately under-dressed in an outdated sweatshirt.

8.06.2010

Cathy Friday

Like Family Circus, many people love to rag on Cathy. I totally get Cathy - that shit is stupid - but Family Circus? Am I the only one who actually likes it completely un-ironically? I read it almost every day, it makes me smile; this could be because I have suffered lasting damage from painting my apartment with the windows closed, but probably just because my standards are much lower than yours. If you want really charming, hit up a vintage bookstore and find a Family Circus book from the 70s. It's really cute and there's no reference to technology or Sarah Palin or Mommy working outside of the house (like it is now). Just Jeffy being cute and Dolly being annoying and Billy pooping black dashed lines all over the neighborhood.

Anycreepychristianfamily, I was thinking about Cathy comics recently so I went back and read a few from the past month. Holy shit, Cathy got bleak. Long gone are the days of Cathy fighting the good fight against bikinis and ice cream. All she does now is complain about her husband and live a generally depressing existence. So I thought: Why don't I do a weekly thing when I talk about Cathy? I know, someone out there is snickering Comic Curmudgeon did it, but Josh doesn't really talk about Cathy, so we're good. Anyways, here we go!

Click to make big.

Okay, so here's what you need to know: Cathy and her husband Irving (sidenote: Irving? The fuck kind of name is Irving?) are on vacation in some kind of warm climate. Irving seems to care more about his phone than his wife, and, quite frankly, I don't blame him. Cathy is a naggy bitch. If I were him, I'd sign her up for 8-hour massages every morning and hang out at the swim-up bar getting loaded on margaritas all day long, but then we'd be encroaching in on Breaking Bad territory, and we all know that Breaking Bad does family disfunction the best. Okay, back to the scene. Irving is calling his office to see if they miss him while on vacation. This irks Cathy, and no doubt most of you are reading this thinking "Irving, you tool. Put down your phone and enjoy your vacation". But! I can sympathize with Irving; every time I go on vacation, I spend the whole week thinking about all the ways they're going to fire me on my first day back. On my last vacation I was sure that I was going to come back to work and find everything from my desk in a banker's box along with a note saying "DON'T LET THE DOOR HIT YOUR ASS ON THE WAY OUT". Irving, like me, is clearly very neurotic, so I get why he wants to waste all his long-distance daytime minutes calling his work.
Long story short, the call gets dropped (what is this, 1999?) and Cathy sits smugly in the...pool? What the hell are they supposed to be in? A rectangular hula-hoop? If they are in the pool, am I to understand that Irving is the type to wear a t-shirt in the pool? LOSER!!! Oh my god, is Irving the fat kid from Stand By Me? But the biggest "wow, Cathy is a bummer..." is in the final panel when Cathy thinks "So much appreciation for the intuitive device. So little for the intuitive human." Wow. Cathy just acknowledged that her husband appreciates his iPhone much more than her. Ouch. And while they're on vacation too. I'd say poor Cathy, but I can't take that much pity on a woman who chose to wear such a hideous looking sunhat and/or marry a man who wears a t-shirt in the pool.

Funny: 0/5 - Oh wow, this wasn't funny in the least. I don't know how this qualifies as a 'comic'

Depressing: 3/5 - It's really more of a bummer. Depressing would be if Cathy caught Irving deeply inhaling the scent of the iPhone through the case like Heath Ledger at the end of Brokeback Mountain.

Does this warrant a spot in the newspaper? No. There was nothing entertaining about this strip in the least. It fails as a comic (doesn't make me laugh) and would drown over on the political/social cartoon page (because it doesn't have a drawing of Obama with huge ears and teeth).