What ever happened to?...Student Bodies edition!

I knew that when I did a What ever happened to about Breaker High, it would only be a matter of time before someone asked for a Student Bodies write-up. Can I blame you? Student Bodies was the best-worst show on YTV (next to S Club 7, of course). I realize that Student Bodies may be a little esoteric to some of you; where Breaker High was passable as a US show, Student Bodies was straight-up Canadian. Many elements plagued the show's reputation as a piss-poor Canadian high school serial: limited locations, poorly-constructed sets, one-dimensional acting, obvious low budget, recycled scripts and plotlines. And yet? Holy shit, it was the best show on television. Just take a look at the main title sequence:

Everyone you knew watched Student Bodies. They may not have admitted it, but I can promise you that if I stood in a room full of 25 to 28-year-olds and yelled "STOO-DANT BAWWWWWDAYS!" I can be damn sure they would yell back "ITS NOT REAL LIFE ITS HIGH SCHOOL!!!" Okay, so are we ready to take a trip back to the late-90s and see what the students of Thomas A. Edison High are doing now? Some will surprise you!

Cody (Jamie Elman)
Cody was the star of Student Bodies, for which reason I have no idea. He had the charisma of a diaper and the good looks of the monkey from Outbreak. Also he was very whiny and shrugged his shoulders a lot (I wonder if that was written into the script? "Cody looks forlornly at Emily, then shrugs his shoulders"). He was always wearing v-neck sweaters/shirts and he looked like one of the teachers; he looked more like an undercover cop than a high school student. Anyways, Jamie Elman didn't exactly struggle for work after Student Bodies; I wish I could make fun of him, but he actually got a lot hotter post-SB and booked a ton of jobs. I mean, here's a quick run-down of some of the bit-parts he's gotten:
American Dreams, The Closer, Criminal Minds, Crossing Jordan, Mad Men (What?!!?), Y&R. It's crazy that Jamie Elman may be better known in the 60+ Americans age bracket than with Canadian 20 to 30-year-olds. But for those of you who aren't 60, do you remember this?

That's right! Jamie was the bartender on Curb Your Enthusiasm who didn't really want to wear the bowtie. Remember?!?! From the episode "The Freak Book"? So here's the rule: If someone makes an appearance, no matter how small, on CYE, you cannot EVER make fun of their past work. If you have breathed the same air as Larry David, you are immune to my heckling indefinitely.

Emily (Nicole Lyn)
As you may remember, Emily was Cody's crush and was supposed to be the hottest girl-next-door. Um...what? Emily was boring and not that pretty and had style like a stay-at-home-mom. Not much of a departure from her first acting job on Eric's World.

Um, hello?!?! Do you remember Eric's World? If you grew up in Canada, you'd recognize Eric Nagler from The Elephant Show with Sharon, Lois, and Bram. But if you're my mom, you recognize Eric Nagler as that asshole who cut you off at the Mariposa Folk Festival (a story that forever tarnished my image of Eric Nagler as the happy-go-lucky sidekick of Sharon, Lois, and Bram and instead solidified his image as a poor driver who may have flipped my mother the bird). Anyways, Nicole Lyn is working just as much as Jamie Elman, and the work may not be as good (I didn't really recognize anything on her IMDB page with the exception of Deliver Us from Eva and The L Word). She hasn't worked in 2 years and she's married to Dule Hill. Wait, what?

Damn. She is married to the guy from She's All That!

Chris (Ross Hull)
We all know that Ross Hull got his start as Gary, Leader of the Midnight Society, on Are You Afraid of the Dark.
But what's he doing now? All you need to know about Chris (Ross Hull) is that he is now a Weatherman for The Weather Network. That's it. HE'S A FUCKING WEATHERMAN!!
Know what the worst part is? He's not an anchor - he's the guy they throw to out in a field, on the lake, wearing a poncho in the pouring rain, talking to crazy farmers about weather patterns. That's right: If he was on network news, he'd be the girl that tapes segments on doggie fashion shows and people vying for a spot in The Guinness Book of World Records by cooking with World's Largest Cheeseburger.

Mags (Katie Emme)
I checked her IMDB page and it was pretty skinny; not much work, no pictures. The last acting job she had was in 2006 on a show called Black Widower. So where do you go when you need more information? That's right, Facebook!
Thank goodness she has a partially-open profile, so here is what I have gathered:
- she now lives in Point-Claire, Quebec
- she has a little girl
- she has 174 friends, which is much less than me (yay!)
- of those 174 friends, 5 were on Student Bodies. I happen to be friends with no one who was on Student Bodies. Well played, Mags.

Victor Kane
(Mik Perlus)
Mik Perlus seems to have fallen into the same career-sucking black hole that Katie Emme did back in 2006, as he really hasn't done much since writing one script for the tv show Instant Star (which, if you have never seen it, you NEED to see RIGHT NOW. It is just awful and corny and over-dramatic. It's amazing, really). I found his Facebook profile and it's super private, so all I could really get from it is that his profile picture is him posing with a baby.

Maybe it's his? Maybe he stole it? I don't know. But I did find an interview he did with some guy on Facebook. The interview itself is pretty boring (there is not one mention of Mik Perlus's favourite sandwich. SHAME) so I read through and found this, which is by far the best butt nugget in the whole thing (oh, and I have added my inner monologue just for added flare):

What has been the biggest highlight of your career?
I’m fortunate enough to say that there have been a few. Few being the operative word here. Winning a WGC award for Degrassi was definitely a highlight. It was the first moment that I felt I could really have a career in this crazy industry. No you don't. Walking the red carpet with my Student Bodies cast mates at the opening of the Planet Hollywood in Montreal was my first celebrity moment. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Please tell me he's kidding. I should mention this interview took place long after Planet Hollywood filed for bankruptcy and YTV finally stopped airing old episodes of Student Bodies, so he's really reaching into the vault here. People knew who we were. They didn’t care, but at least they knew. Truth! Performing on stage as Jay Osmond in a TV movie was the closest I have ever come to feeling like a rock star. Ironically, it's as close as you'll ever come to being a real star. And lastly, seeing my first Instant Star script produced. There is something magical about creating an entire series from a blank page and then seeing your imagination brought to life....then watching as your imagination gets canceled.

Flash (Jessica Goldapple)
Ding ding ding!!! We have a winner for the Student Bodies alum who hasn't gotten an acting job in almost a decade. Her Facebook profile lists her interests as: film, theatre, music, poetry, translation, wine, scotch. Something tells me that with every failed audition, she becomes more and more interested in those last two.

Romeo (Mark Taylor)
On Friday I heard a funny story about Romeo from Student Bodies. A friend of a friend used to work at a sex shop on Yonge St. in Toronto and one time Romeo came in and bought a fake wee-wee and bum-bum things. I don't want to use the real terms because I'm a lady, and also because I don't like to imagine any member of the cast of Student Bodies fornicating.


Anonymous said...

Romeo actually did an awesome job on Flashpoint as the token black guy. Then got replaced by a token black girl...gotta love racist TV (sarcasm people!)

Anonymous said...

my bff in middle school's cousin is Katie aka Mags. She used to drive us around in her supes cool Jeep YJ and give us her hand-me-downs. Once, we went to Canada's Wonderland with her and people stopped us... it was amazing. I felt famous. Now, I'm average. With no Jeep, no hand-me-downs... oh god.


Anonymous said...

hi my name is rachel! i just wanted to know, whats a fake wee wee and what is a bum bum thing? what year did your friend tell you this? and what date did romeo come into the sex shop

rachel said...

hi its rachel again you can email me and tell me:


jlan said...

Pretty sure I've seen Romeo on a lame car commercial. You know the one where he does some "stunt"driving...pulls into a garage and says to his wife "we are be being tailed" and she says "that's my parents" ...oh yeah