Candy and Style and Caterpillars

Hey guys

So, welcome to Fall I guess. This weekend marked the end of summer and I could not be happier (feel free to send all your side-eye to skipraid@gmail.com). Look, it's not popular to dislike summer, but here's the long and short of it:

- In Toronto, our summer is only 2 months long, but it's hot as fucking Vegas.
- I don't have air conditioning because my apartment building is an old, 100-year-old walk-up and seriously, try walking up and down stairs with no a/c for 2 months.
- Forget about makeup; it's not an exaggeration when someone says their makeup is melting off their face. When it gets hot and humid, your makeup melts. Off. Your. Face.
- Walking around your apartment in underwear is fun the first 4 or 5 times. After that, there's not much separating you from a meth-cooking Walter White.
- If I get any more that 2 people in my apartment in the summer, the thing turns into some kind of weird Native sweat lodge/spirit journey where everyone is drenched in sweat and hallucinating to So You Think You Can Dance Canada. NO ONE WINS.

So yeah, I am really happy it's Fall. I do cold weather much better because I am good at rocking the hell out of a pair of threadbare Roots sweatpants and making hot tea.
NEVER GETS OLD (Loose Seal!)

Anyways, I wanted to write something since I have found I am slacking BIG TIME. Remember when I used to write damn near every day and had a really high readership? If I had to guess, I'd bet I clock in at 4 readers a week with one new post every 1.5 weeks. THOSE ARE NOT GOOD ODDS. So here we go, my thoughts of the week:

1. Candy
You know I live for candy. I will try anything and eat till I barf. So this blog has won my heart so bad. It's called Candy Blog (really? We couldn't think of anything more than just Candy Blog? Whatever). It's such an amazing resource for candy reviews; I don't care much for gummies/tart crunchy candies, but I love her reviews of creams/caramels and popular chocolates (like when Snickers releases a new bar with like, I dunno...honey roasted peanuts. Actually, that was a thing, wasn't it? Delicious!) She also uses an M&M to show scale - brilliant! Anyways, check it out. It's an amazing time-killer.

2. Caterpillars
I heard about raising monarch caterpillars from The Art Of Doing Stuff (a pretty decent time-killer blog) and thought it could be a cool idea. What I didn't realize is that I would get super attached to this thing and raise it like it's a child. I brought him into work and people absolutely love him/tolerate him, and we're all looking forward to the day when his back splits open and the cocoon emerges (WEIRD!) Here he is:

He's sleeping. NICE! That's my boy! Good and lazy. All he does is eat, shit, and sleep, and sometimes he wiggles and entertains us. Yesterday he fell into his bowl of water and almost drowned; trust, it was tense. I was almost sure we were going to have to flush him. I put his weak, lifeless body on a leaf so people could look at him one last time before he made his way into the afterlife (see you at the Crossroads, buddy). After about an hour he came back and started eating and shitting once again. Hooray! If you don't spend your days eating everything in sight and crapping where you feel like it, the terrorists win.

3. Style
My friends know that the best way to describe my style is Used Dashiki Chic wherein most things I wear are billowy, muumuu-like in nature, and used to the point they smell of mothballs and other people's hair. Also, anything I can wear tights under is common, as I don't often wear pants. That's not to say I don't own pants; I own pants, I just don't like wearing them. So with the advent of Fall and, natch, Fall fashion, I am really at a loss. I want to buy new clothes, new work appropriate clothes, pretty clothes, but I have no idea what to buy. The only store I really shop in is Value Village (Savers for the Americans) and sometimes I pop into H&M to see if I can't find some over-sized, billowy dresses on sale. Now, I should stress that my body doesn't need a tent; sure, my ass be fat, but not to the point that I should call up TLC and ask if they need a 30-minute show to sandwich between ladies with 20 babies and cakes that look like shoes. What I'm getting at is that I don't need to be afraid to buy things that aren't bedsheets and/or smell like vintage dead bodies. I think I'm gonna go with looking like a beatnik for a while.

At least till I figure shit out. Plus, I own lots of black clothing. Plus plus plus EVERYONE and their mom is doing that neo-Elaine Benes thing and I am OVER IT.

4. Pink Eye
How do you tell if you have pink eye? My sister says it starts with the drip then gets itchy, but mine started with the itchy and finished with a strong drip. Is this allergies, or should I get my ass to the clinic (don't answer that).

5. Hair Did
Tomorrow I'm getting my hair did for the first time in like, a year. I have no idea what I'm doing. Right now my hair is a good 3 inches of mousy Michelle Duggar-brown roots with orange scraggle hair down to my mid-back. It's gross, trust. So I have no idea what I want, but I'll tell you what I'd be happy with:

I kinda like this and I think I could pull it off. My hair is super straight, so it wouldn't be too much work, but I don't have coke-face, so let's see if we can't find a better example.

Here we go. A little short, but you get the idea. Also a bit of a coke face. What is it with this hair cut? I don't want to look like I do mountains of blow and suntan all day (...or do I? No, no I don't). So we'll see. I usually know what I sort of want, but then the person doing my hair is able to convince me of some pretty stupid stuff; it's how I ended up with an undercut one year. So who knows? On Friday I may end up writing about how my hair looks like Lisa Marie from Mars Attacks!

Speaking of Lisa Marie, how cute is this picture of her and Tim Burton. DREAM COUPLE!!!


mkunc1 said...

Check out Heidi Klum's hair. It is a blend of the two styles you are looking at.

mkunc1 said...

I meant to say Heidi's hair on Project Runway this season.

Alice said...

When I first read it, I thought you said "doing mountains of coke with sultans all day" It makes less sense but I laughed pretty hard.