Cathy Friday

It's that time again! Time for us to count down the days till Cathy ceases to be birdcage liner and stops appearing in Funny Pages nationwide. Hoo. Ray. October 3rd can't come soon enough for all of us, I'm sure; but in the meantime, let's enjoy the death-knell of Cathy through another weekly strip:

Click to make big.

Okay, so remember how I had my money on Cathy Guisewite ending her strip with the titular character becoming pregnant with....I dunno, what do sows become pregnant with? Piglets? It's piglets, isn't it. Anyways, so everyone and their senile cats had a feeling that Cathy would end the strip with a "I'm having a baby! Now my life is complete!" story line; hell, it's stupid and cliched, but no one said the Cathy fans were a sophisticated bunch and it's what the fans want. However, this is the second strip that begins with Cathy saying goodbye to a friend. Forget pregnancy, is Cathy Guisewite killing off Cathy?!?!?!? OMG PLEASE I HOPE SO!!!! Imagine Guisewite's entire strip has been some sort of crazy Andy Kaufman-like hoax and now she's finally lifting the veil as if to say "sike! I hate Cathy as much as all of you!" But really - that's giving Guisewite far too much credit; if she was going to kill off Cathy, she'd just shamelessly rip-off Lynn Johnson's For Better Or For Worse and give Cathy cancer. In all likelihood, Cathy won't get cancer; this is Cathy - notorious for lazy writing and even lazier plot development. Let's not read too much into Cathy saying goodbye to a friend at a coffee shop (Excuse me: she's at Latte, not to be confused with last week's Cafe. Oh Cathy Guisewite - does your fucking laziness know no bounds?)

Moving on. So Cathy says "I loved seeing you Andrea. I really want to stay in touch with your family." Oh my god, could this set up be more contrived? Who actually says "I want to keep in touch with your family". Answer: no one. Also, what the hell happened with Cathy that she all of a sudden feels the need to reconnect with long-lost friends? Every damn strip lately has followed the exact same formula

Sheesh, that's bleak. So Cathy's telling her friend that she wants to keep in touch with her family (an empty gesture, I'm sure) and then her friend goes bonkers bipolar and starts whipping everything out of her purse. Um, what? Here's what I got out of that cartoon cloud of excitement:

- There are 4 people in this family and two of them are named Gus and Zenith. Since she mentioned the name Luke first, I will go ahead and assume that's her husband. By my powers of deduction, I can confirm that this woman named her children Gus and Zenith. In case you can't tell, I'm rolling my eyes like crazy right now.

- Cathy Guisewite doesn't know the difference between Twitter and a Twitter Account. Why would the mom give out her son's Twitter account? She's like "here you go Cathy, Gus's Twitter account. Username is gus6969 and the password is BLOWJOBS. In case it asks you the security question, the answer is SCARFACE in all capital letters."

- She gives out "Luke's office URL". WHO THE HELL SAYS URL ANYMORE?!?! Also, I hate how laboured this joke is because if Cathy really was her friend, surely she'd know where Andrea and Luke work. If this had any semblance of reality, it would go more like this:

"Here's my cell, Luke's cell, Zenith and Gus's cell...although I have no idea why you'd need that. If you want Zenith's Facebook, just go to my friends and you'll find her. I'm 55 so I have like 20 friends, she's not hard to find. Gus's Twitter, Zenith's Twitter, Zenith's pregnancy blog, the Gammacorp Inc. website and InsuraGrasp's website, and our Flickr. I think that's it. Oh wait, here's my therapist's cell - you might want to call her regarding my delusional, narcissistic behavior. It's pretty out of control."

Cathy then ends with a smarmy, smug jab about the cat being totally left out of the loop, and Andrea shoots back that the cat has his own live feed. Cathy Guisewite meant for this to be a joke about this woman having tabs on everything in her life, but really - the cat has it's own live feed? Can we have that web address please? Everyone loves watching live feeds of animals, amirite?

Funny: 0/5 - Jokes about people being tech-obsessed were funny about 3 years ago. I'm surprised Cathy hasn't tackled iPods yet (although Cathy Guisewite would probably call them iJams or MyPods or something equally as lame.)

Depressing: 0/5 - This is more irritating that depressing. Although maybe I should bump this up to a 1/5 based on the fact that Cathy's friends are all such self-centered assholes. Like, why the hell does she want to keep in touch with these people so badly? They're horrible people!

Does this warrant a spot in the newspaper? Nope. The same people who read Cathy are the people you know with a blog, a Twitter, a Flickr, and post album after album of themselves on Facebook. Essentially, Cathy just blew off her entire fanbase. Good one, Guisewite.


Alice said...

Aack! Someone (albeit fictional) named their kid Zenith (barf) and not only that but this fictional person with the unfortunate name has a "pregnancy blog" (double barf) making them a woman (I assume). Who would do that to their kid?

Did the lazy husband Luke pick the name ("It's not a boy? Let's just name her after the crappy t.v. in the living room then.")

Jess said...

I think we need to band together and buy you the full archive of Cathy so Cathy Fridays can go on forever and ever amen.