Best of 2010: Telebishen

13. The Big Bang Theory
Never has a show made me love it and hate it at the same time as much as BBT. It's kind of like that old Looney Tunes where the guy has the singing-dancing frog that only preforms for him; whenever I tell doubting friends that BBT is actually a really good sitcom, we watch it together and it's bound to be a terrible episode. Then I look like the dope with poor taste. Then I watch a BBT episode on my own and it turns out to be an amazing one. So I'm torn. But I do know this: The Big Bang Theory, for all its faults (ahem...Raj still not being able to speak to women) it is some of the sharpest writing and clever humor on network TV. Also, who doesn't love Jim Parsons? Exactly.

12. Check It Out! With Dr. Steve Brule
When I heard through the Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job! channels that they were toying with the idea of a Steve Brule spin-off, I shuddered a disgusted shud. Obviously the jocks had taken over the T&EASGJ-joke "For your health!" just as they had raped and pillaged the "I'm Rick James, bitch!" joke from Chappelle's Show years earlier. Well, I finally got around to watching Check It Out! and....it was tremendous. It was too weird for normies to like (+1), it had John C. Reilly being his most uncomfortable (+1), and it kept most of the same mood and feeling as T&EASGJ!(+1). Hell, there were even some moments so uncomfortably funny for me that I almost turned it off due to embarrassment (but I didn't, because it's obviously genius). I feel good knowing that 30 years from now, my grandkids (Cyber-grandkids? Cyborg Grandchildren? E-Kids?) will dig up old copies of this show and freak out at how nuts and funny it is. Also, is it wrong that I think Dr. Steve Brule is a total fox?

10&11. Modern Family/Cougar Town
Yep, two shows so nice I'm reviewing them twice. Er...anyways. I've decided to group Modern Family and Cougar Town together which is probably making many of you spit your stale coffee at your computer monitors, but here is why:
1. Modern Family, while being awesome and very well written for a network, traditional sitcom, is a tiny bit (wait for it) over-rated. Sowwy! It's great, but is it Win-every-Emmy great? Not really. Just like Big Bang Theory, it has moments of greatness that walk along the beach with moments of total garbage. Anyways, so obviously Modern Family is clever and enjoyable - it's not ground-breaking by any means, but it's a nice little 30 minutes of weekly television. And, with that being said, so is the program that follows it: the unfortunately named Cougar Town. Here's the thing; I do not know why people are letting the name of this show interfere with their ability to view it. Yes, the name Cougar Town is a mistake, but it doesn't mean that Courtney Cox isn't a very funny person (she is, and I HATED Friends) Busy Phillips is super funny, and the kid who play's Courtney's son is wonderful. I laugh out loud at every episode (maybe not the whole 30 minutes, but there is at least one joke I love love love). Anyways, this season was the first season I actually gave this show a chance and I don't regret it. I don't even care that it's so epic'ly uncool to like this show - big deal! Corner Gas was the uncool-est, and I loved that show. Deal with it.

8&9. The Cleveland Show/American Dad
Again, a two-fer. This time it's because these two shows are essentially the same show (aka A total, unabashed rip-off of Family Guy). However - I don't really love Family Guy. This season has been quite decent. Not hilarious, or worthy of space in my memory, but not earth-shatteringly awful (like it has been in the past). But the best part about Family Guy has been its spin-off shows. First, American Dad: is there any other show on television right now that is so dedicated to character development? I feel like I know which brand of Toothpaste Roger uses. Speaking of which, when I was first introduced to American Dad, I thought Roger was the stupidest thing I had ever seen. Now? I wish I could go back in time and slap my old-self for thinking such fuckery. Roger is hilarious. This show is, week by week, a fantastic joy. Next, The Cleveland Show. Look, I know that 99% of everyone and their Memaws HATE HATE HATE The Cleveland Show, and I get that - it's a dumb show. It's characters are lazy and poorly-written. The jokes are just so off and barely funny. And yet...and yet I cannot live without Cleveland Brown. Actually, let me amend that: Donna Brown is not that great, and neither is Roberta, but Cleveland, Rollo, Cleveland Jr, and Lester are my favourites. Oh, and the bartender Gus is David Lynch. Fun Fact: David Lynch (yes, Twin Peaks David Lynch) loved The Cleveland Show so much that he accepted a role as Gus the Bartender. Another Fun fact: Cleveland is voiced by a white guy and Lester is voiced by a black guy. Weird, huh?

7. Re-Vamped
Never has a show be made with such an obvious bias for its stars. Here is what you need to know about Re-vamped:
A bunch of old-ass whiny women bond over being dumped by their husbands/exes. All of them have a story to tell, but that story is always the same ("Mah husband facked his seck-atary and now I'm a single mam"). So they live in this house in Kitchener, Ontario (don't even google it, it's a pretty gross city) for like, 4 fucking months (I know it's only 8 weeks or something, but it feels like FOREVER). Then they train with a physical trainer to get hawt and do all kinds of emotional shit to get their confidence back and take burlesque dancing classes. All this culminates into the final episode where they do a burlesque dance FOR THEIR EXES. Yes. All this "you go girl!" is all for them to try to win back the guys who cheated on them and left them penniless. It's so dumb. Each week its a solid 10 minutes of them clucking at each other, 10 minutes of them crying about their insecurities, and 40 minutes of them bitching about their exes. Throw in some very very unfortunate bodies doing burlesque (aka Barflesque) and a production budget in the hundreds (if I had to guess, I'd say a total of $600 bucks. Definitely no more than a grand) and you have one hell of a show. The best parts of the show were Angela and Amber. Amber is the gargoyle 3rd from the left and she's from Alberta. Needless to say she's a total redneck who pronounces all Us as As. So, lucky turns into lacky, fucking turns into fackin. Also she's a total loose cannon; she was constantly flipping out on everyone. It would be like this:
Anyone: "Shit, who left all these lemon peels on the counter?"
Amber: "I think that was me"
Anyone: "Okay, that's cool, but could you put them in the compost next time? There's a ton of ants in this place and they love fruit peels."
Amber: "SHAT YAR FACKIN MOUTH, YA BATCH! Sari-assly! This is a facking crock! You start batching on me like you know me?!? I had to deal with enough shat from my ex-hasband! Go fack yarsalf!"
Everyone: "Amber, chill out. It's cool, take it easy"
And Angela, second from the right, was way worse. All she would do is cry and cry that her ex-bf used to berrate her and be an asshole and treat her like a dog and he stole her life savings and, in her words "to top it all off, he kicked me out and left me homeless". Um, WHY DID YOU NOT LEAVE HIM?!?! She basically stuck around till he dumped her. First strike against her. Then, any time someone would tell her to do anything, she'd cry and say it reminded her of when her ex would be an asshole to her. But it was always stuff like:
Their Trainer: "Angela, drop down and give me 20! You're getting so fit, girl! You can do this!"
Their Trainer: "Srsly?"
It was so annoying. Then, at the end of the show, they all invite their exes back to watch them do this really pitiful burlesque dance and everyone's ex comes except for Angelas. Then she's all teary and was like "Well, he wasn't there for me then, and he's not here for me now, so it shows you a lot about what kind of man he is". Um, YOU ARE A TOTAL PSYCHO. If I dated a guy who treated me like shit all the time and stole all my money and called me a fat cow 24-7, the last thing I would want is to invite him to a taped tv show where I sadly shake my shit to try to win him back. It was so. weird.

6. Community
Community is a conundrum for me. I love Joel McHale, but I hate his character Jeff Winger. I hate Britta and Annie, but I love love love Troy and Abed. I enjoy that Chevy Chase is on Community, but I think Ken Jeong is over-rated as Senor Chang. The guest stars are crappy and awkward (Betty White, American Idol alum Katharine McPhee) but the minor characters, like Starburns, are awesome. So I'm kind of at an impasse. I know most people just can't get into Community, so I'll tell them this: Watch Aerodynamics of Gender (specifically the Troy and Jeff storyline) and tell me it's not completely the best.

5. Breaking Bad
DO I EVEN NEED TO MENTION WHY BREAKING BAD IS ON THIS LIST?!!? Obviously Breaking Bad is one of the best shows on television, ever. It's just fantastic. I can't even get into it because, in regards to Breaking Bad, there are two types of people:
- people who have never seen Breaking Bad
- people who have seen Breaking Bad and absolutely love it
If you haven't seen it yet, I STRONGLY suggest you go out right now and get Seasons 1 through 3. NOW.

4. Parks and Recreation
Sorry! I know that 80% of you hate Parks & Rec. And I get that - it's a very difficult show to enjoy. The characters all seem like rip-offs from other shows, it's a mish-mash of people who feel like mid-season replacements, there's no big star (unless you count Amy Poehler as a huge star...which I do, but whatever). So it's a bit of an oddball; but that's why it's funny. It's completely comedy/script based, full of awkward, awful-to-watch humour, and AND! this season gave us the best NBC love story in a post-Jim-and-Pam world (which would be April Ludgate (MY HERO) and Andy Dwyer). Also, Tom Haverford. SWEET JESUS, TOM HAVERFORD!!!

3. Dragon's Den
Okay, so I am told that in the U.S. this show is called Shark Tank. DONT CAYUR. Never seen it, but I already know that Dragon's Den is better. Dragon's Den is an hour-long show on CBC about people trying to sell their businesses and business ideas to a panel of investors. From L to R, we have:
Brett Wilson - a new-age fool who invests in any and every hippie scheme brought to the Den. If you tried to sell him a bag of dog turds that you promised would bring the owner enlightenment, he'd buy your company and invest for 30 years. He's sort of hot though, so he gets a pass (even though he's a total Mimbo)
Jim Treliving - he owns Boston Pizza (my favourite) so he's already pretty awesome. Also he's very old and dancing on the line of senility, so most of what he says is just jumbled words that sound like "get off my lawn".
Arlene Dickinson - she is a stone-cold bitch, but totally awesome. She's a marketing genius and is really good at predicting what will sell and what wont. She is usually seen fighting with Kevin O'Leary. Also she's the nicest to people when they have a really horrible idea that they've twice mortgaged their house for.
Kevin O'Leary - he's an shithead, but he knows what is worth money and what is a terrible investment, so even though he's a d-bag, he's a smart d-bag. Also he can sometimes be funny, and usually is the best when someone has a terrible idea.
Robert Herjavec - this guy LIVES for when people bring in bikini models for their presentation; Rob Herjavec is a walking boner. This alone is enough to gross me the hell out, except he has an amazing back story - he moved to Canada from Croatia when he was ten and was piss-broke till he got through University. Awwww.
Anyways, Dragon's Den is actually a pretty good way to get your business started; many times I have been in stores and seen stuff from the show. But it's also a terrible way to tell your friends and family members how deep into debt you are: many times people come on with a horrible idea and casually mention that they are $500,000 in debt and their house is in foreclosure. Wamp wamp :( But it really scores this high on the list because it's the only show that I watch, week after week, sitting down at my TV. Every Wednesday at 8pm, I will not see friends or entertain, because all I want to do is watch crappy business plans being presented to professionals.

2. It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
This is the funniest show on television, period. My only wish is that I was unemployed so I could stay at home every day re-watching each episode. On its best day, it is just as funny as Strangers with Candy.

1. Law & Order: SVU
AWWWWWWJEAH! You know I couldn't leave SVU off this list! There is no show right now that is so campy and over-the-top, so melodramatic, so unintentionally funny, all the while trying SO DESPERATELY to be a serious, topic-touching network drama. A who's-who of D-list guest stars that should really be aiming for Dancing with the Stars (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Sharon Stone, Kathy Griffin, Robin Williams), paired with stories ripped from the headlines (aka Stories sensationalized on CNN and Kathie Lee and Hoda). Not to mention Christoper Meloni charging around every scene like Wet Hot American Summer's Gene, but in a suit. All he needs is a talking can of vegetables. But the best part of Season 12 of SVU is the HD projections of Det. Stabler's terrible, terrible wig. He's bald, we get it! He's cool with it - stop trying to cover it up with a shitty piece of carpet! Anyways, Law & Order: SVU is just ridiculous, but always totally enjoyable. The only way it can get better is if they keep giving recurring guest-spots to Ice-T's wife CoCo (which actually happened, btw).


Alice said...

Good review! I agree with most of it, though I hate Community (even though I love Joel McHale and Chevy Chase).

I have not heard of Re-Vamped, but Oh My God, it sounds bad/good! Like America's Next Top Model meets Biggest Loser meets Real Housewives all set in Kitchener, Ontario. How did this not win an Emmy?
It may have won a Gemini (but really, as long as the key grip's brother-in-law's gerbil is Canadian, they'll give it a Gemini).

The Mayor said...

Oh my god, it's on Slice. I don't get cable, so I used to go to my bffs house to watch it.

Also it was the second season of it. The first was just awful, but the second season seemed to make the first look like a quality docu-drama. You can watch full episodes online - I seriously suggest you do so.

Melisa said...

omg #7 the letters you use to write accents... AMAZING. I was laughing so hard! Oddly enough... I broke up with my boyfriend recently and was thinking about what kind of men I like and half asian-half white popped into my head as a nice choice. From a google search I was directed to a picture of the Gosselins and decided to peek around your blog a bit. I am in love!!