3.16.2011

France, we should be together (insert Eminem's Stan here)

This week I was given the greatest gift. A total stranger was using the Google to search for information on Yellow Mustard-flavoured potato chips and came across The Skip-Raid. I know, right? What does Google have against this guy? Anyways, so he was directed to this post I did last year in April about how much I would love to see Mustard chips happen. Well, apparently they DO happen. I know what you're thinking - "Probably in Japan, right?" Answer: Nope! Apparently they have Mustard-flavoured chips in.....France (of all places). Although I guess it makes sense - Grey Poupon and all. So this fantastic soul referred me to the Lays France website for proof, and what do I find? Lays France has a million amazing flavours that I have never tried. I am dying!!! And, what luck for me, my sister is going to France in 2 weeks. Here are the flavours I would die to try (get fat or die tryin):

Lay's Saveur Moutard Pickles (Mustard pickles flavour?)
Description: Un goût finement relevé.
Shitty Internet Translation: A finely raised taste.
Okay, so here is the OG of chips for me. I want to try these mustard chips so much, but here is my fear: I am a vinegar/brine person and not a sweet-savoury person. For instance, I hate honey-garlic wings. I hate sweet-and-sour food. I hate sweet pickles and relish. So it goes without saying that I don't like dijon mustard or honey mustard or dijonaisse or anything like that. I like sour, vinegary yellow mustard. LOVE it. It's what I dip my chips in. I could pour it over hot dogs. When I go to McDonalds I always ask for more mustard to put on my cheeseburger. So I'm really hoping that the flavour profile of these is more of a strong vinegar and not that of a mild mustardseed. That little illustration of a jar isn't helping any though - if it was a yellow mustard flavour, I would imagine they would go for a picture of the yellow squeeze bottle. So I will brace myself for something mild and smooth, barely mustard-y. Maybe a bit spicy? Oooh, the anticipation is killing me!

And another thing...why has no one invented a condiment that is 1/2 mayo and 1/2 mustard? Seriously, it makes so much senses; plus, mayo and mustard is delicious together. Creamy mustard? Yes pls! Maybe I'll just make some when I go home. I will call it Mayonard. Ew! That sounds gross. Maybe Musty-Creme. EW WORSE!!!!

Lay's Saveur Bolognaise (Bolognaise flavour)
Description: Toutes les saveurs et la richesse de la bolognaise, pour une pause plaisir réussie.
Shitty Internet Translation: All savours and richness of the bolognaise, for a pause pleasure succeeded.
This is such a conundrum, right? When you think of bolognaise sause, don't you imagine a tomato-y beefy Chef Boyardee-type sludge? Like, when I think of Bolognaise, I think of Beefaroni. But this picture is of tomato and basil. Hmmm. I feel like the French have a poor grasp of Italian food, so they just think Bolognaise = tomatoes and basil sauce. This chip could be really tasty - like bruschetta, but without all the heavy garlicy overtones that a bruschetta chip might have. I wonder what colour they are. Red, like Ketchup chips? Or green, like jalapeno chips?
UPDATE: After a bit of Googling this one, I have found that this type of chip gets recalled all the damn time. Whaaaaaaaaaaaat is that about? I don't want no dirt nasty chips (we have enough of those in Canada...All Dressed, thankyouverymuch).

Lay's Max Craquantes Saveur Cheeseburger (Cheeseburger flavour)
Description: Lay's lance une nouvelle saveur cheeseburger, un parfum inédit et original, laissez-vous surprendre!
Shitty Internet Translation: Lay's launches a new savoury cheeseburger, a perfume new and original, let you surprise! (whoah, does that sound like a Chinese to English translation or what?)
Like Jughead, I love cheeseburgers. I love them. I want a cheeseburger buffet at my wedding. I want to sleep on a bed of cheeseburgers. I want to go on a horse-and-cheeseburger ride though an Autumn field. I seriously love the combination of white bread, ground beef, processed cheddar cheese, a single slimy pickle, and mustard. Love love love. And I love Whoppers. The cheeseburger on this bag looks like a Whopper (BE STILL MY STRUGGLING-TO-BEAT HEART!!!) Now, I'm no stranger to cheeseburger-flavoured snacks; I tried the Doritos Late Night Cheeseburger flavour and I really liked it, but I didn't like the crispy crunch of a tortilla chip. I can handle about 20 Doritos before my stomach starts to turn on me ("Back off bitch, it's getting gross in hurr"). So I'm really excited to try a potato chip. The only caveat is that the cheeseburger chip is ridged, which I don't like. I enjoy my chips flat and thin - more cushion for the flavour pushin (EW, WHY DID I WRITE THAT?!?!?). So this chip could be a total miss. I am hoping for a hit. But I don't have high hopes. Sigh.

If you have been to England or France and you can think of any awesome chips I might like (trick question: ALL OF THEMS) then holla at me!

8 comments:

carmel dias said...

I totally want mustard chips! i <3 mustard

Anonymous said...

1/2 mayo + 1/2 mustard = Hellman's Dijonnaise!!

The Mayor said...

Not true!!! Dijonnaise ain't shit!!! It's mayo mixed with some spicy ass mustard that is sweet. I want mayo + yellow prepared mustard. Just like how my sandwiches at Subway taste.

Erin said...

There are a ton of Peruvian chicken places in the Washington D.C. area that all offer a "yellow sauce," and that shit is straight up mayo and mustard. It is DELICIOUS. And the Peruvians know it because they give you 1 tiny container the size of a thimble and charge $.25 for additional sauces.

Katie Hinks said...

I've totally been to a wedding with an after dinner mcdonald's cheeseburger platter. derishus.

Alice said...

Doritos burger chips = gross (or "gag me with a spoon" as my sister would say in the 80s) I bought a bag at work, opened it, ate one, then put the bag in the bottom of desk drawer - where it has become "emergency food" in case the building goes on lock-down or something and I have to choose between eating those or my own arm.

Renee said...

I am imagining mustard chips on a turkey sandwich. Amazing. You've had The Works flavor right? The one with the picture of a baked potato with everything? Those are Spring seasonal in these parts, and they make my heart go pitter patter (probably literally...).

The Mayor said...

The Works are one of my favourite chips, but they can sometimes be very rare in Canada - they like to replace them with Chicken Wings flavour which is, obviously, not nearly as good.

Also mustard chips on a turkey sandwich kills me - that would be so good. And, with that, I will be going to make myself a potato chip sandwich.