4.12.2011

I ate my first Fillet o' Fish from McDonalds

Over the past couple of weeks in Canada, there has been a very interesting little fight going on within the fast-food world. Wendy's starts airing commercials promoting its fish sandwich (I believe it's called the Wendy's Premium Fish Fillet sandwich). In the tv spots, it shows a couple of fishermen hauling up fish from the side of their boat being like "wtf is that? Who cares! Let's make it into a sandwich!" and then some voice-over is like "who knows what the other guys put into their fish sandwiches. Probably fish discharge, amirite?" and then goes on to extol the merits of the Wendy's fish sandwich (which is made with North Pacific Cod and none of the shit that washes ashore like the "other guys"). In essence, they're basically telling you that McDonalds is making the Fillet o' Fish from all the shit the ocean doesn't want: suckerfish, dead goldfish flushed into the sewer system by their owners, dead bodies of snitches from New Jersey, etc). Even though they don't mention the name of "the other guys", you can pretty much read between the lines. Can you name another fast food place that sells fish sandwiches? Exactly. So then McDonalds decides to fight back and un-sully their name by heavily promoting the Fillet o' Fish. Their ads are all "hey! We know you've heard some unsavory talk about the Fillet o' Fish, and we're here to tell you that we're not, in fact, making fried sea-garbage". And when I say heavily promoting, I mean that there are billboards everywhere with Fillet o' Fishes on them and commercials airing on every channel, etc etc. Jesus, McDonalds, stop over-compensating. Everything you make is hot, salty trash; it's not like the Fillet o' Fish's reputation was starting to make the Double Big Mac look bad.

Anyways, it was after the millionth billboard that a friend and I decided to try the Fillet o' Fish at lunch. It was ironic, because at 3:00am that morning, I was in a McDonalds with a few drunk friends ordering cheeseburgers when one of my friends was like "I think I want to try the Fillet o' Fish" and I was like "NO YOU DON'T! You're going to eat it and then hurl it up in the cab on the way home and I live the farthest away, so I'll need to spend 20 minutes in a cab that smells like fried fish and cheese!" And then, here I was, less than 10 hours later ordering a fish sandwich from McDonalds for lunch. And round and round we go.

So anyways, here is what you need to know about the Fillet o' Fish. When we ordered it, both of us made jokes about turning into our parents, since the Fillet o' Fish's reputation as an OPF (Old Person Food) has preceded it for years. I also associate it with Fridays. Remember when McDonalds had the McDeals and every day of the week you could get a different combo for $3.99? The Fillet o' Fish was on Fridays. Fridays were the worst day of the week for the McDeals.

Here is the Fillet o' Fish in all its glory. In the commercials and radio ads, they make sure to mention that the Fillet o' Fish comes in a steamed bun. I don't know what makes a steamed bun a steamed bun, but I do know that it's just a Cheeseburger bun that is shinier on top. I also like that it comes in a box and not wrapped in paper; I like to have a holder for my fries. Also, I associate the paper wrapper with cheeseburgers and hamburgers, and I feel like the Fillet o' Fish is a classier sandwich that deserves a better, sturdier vessel. Aw, I'm talking out of my ass. I'm sure I wouldn't have cared if it came wrapped in paper.

The Fillet o' Fish is pretty standard: it's a shiny-ass Cheeseburger bun with a slice of cheese, a fried square of fish, and 3 generous dollops of tartar sauce. Let me tell you - I found it to be far too much sauce. My friend said she liked all the tartar sauce, so to each his own, I guess. I wiped a lot of mine off inside the box.

Eating it was another story. I was pretty gagged-out after looking at the inside of the Fillet o' Fish, so I was scared I wouldn't like the taste either. The fish patty kind of reminded me of their hashbrowns, but in my head I knew they wouldn't taste like hashbrowns, so my mind was sort of blown before I even put it in my mouth. I can honestly say though that it was, in fact, very delicious.


But for real, it was very very good. The fish wasn't stinky or gross; it didn't taste like it was made from washed-up sewage. Maybe it was all the crack-cocaine that Adbusters tells me McDonalds puts in their food, but I was hooked. Coincidentally, that's what most of the billboards say. "McDonalds' Fillet o' Fish - GET HOOKED!" Yes, thank you, I am now. Very hooked. The only weird thing is that bun. What is god's name are they doing to that bun? I think Ronald McDonald jizzed on it, cause the bun is very rubbery and sticks to your teeth. Also the bun didn't spring back from where my hands were holding it. Which is...unsettling?

I clearly didn't care though, because I finished it all. I even scraped the leftover cheese from inside of the box and ate it (then again, I do that all the time, so it might just be habitual). All in all, my first Fillet o' Fish was a good experience. I would totally order it again, but it's not going to replace Cheeseburgers for me, because so help me god, I will die with a McDonalds Cheeseburger in my hand. They are so good. I think I'm going to get one right now. Fuck, I need to take a good look at myself, cause this ain't living. Sike! I love my life! See you all later. Go get yourself a Fillet o' Fish and think of me.
xo

2 comments:

Alice said...

Never tried one, the smell of them cooking as I walk by always makes me think twice.

You should try one from Wendy's now and see if it's so much better.

I'd ask for lettuce on mine cause all sammiches taste better with lettuce.

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