8.09.2011

The time I went to McDonalds and summoned The Devil

This is my receipt from last night, wherein I went to McDonalds and my order totaled $6.66. Now, I'm not superstitious, but I am pretty sure that my $6.66 cheeseburger meal marked my soul for Hell. It only makes sense once you add up the clues. Take a look:

First, see the part that says "take-out total"? I bought my food in the restaurant (doesn't it feel weird to call McDonalds a 'restaurant'?) because I wanted to eat it at home in front of the television. Normally when you take McDonalds home, the fries get cold and the burger you ordered is flat and smushed. NOT AT ALL! When I got home, my fries were perfect and the burgers were delicious and hot. Work of Satan? You bet.

I ordered two cheeseburgers (as usual) but this time decided to treat myself to extra cheese. I know, I can feel your side-eye from here. Anyways, so the kid at the counter goes "why don't you just get a double cheeseburger?" Um, EXCUSE ME?!? No. I specifically want cheeseburgers. Flat, tiny cheeseburgers. Perfectly proportioned. The double cheeseburger has far too much meat, not enough bun, cheese, small dehydrated onion chunks. That's why they have the Quarter Pounder; more meat, but also a properly-sized bun, double the cheese, etc. God, why is this so difficult to understand? Anyways, after I order two cheeseburgers, double cheese (not double cheeseburgers) I get home to discover that I have been given...two double cheeseburgers. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU. Work of Satan (he's a trickster).

And finally, underneath my request for extra cheese is a request: Ask me. Ask me what? Ask who? Ask me for your soul back? PROBABLY.

After I finished my two double cheeseburgers, I'm positive that I felt the hot sharp hands of the Devil clawing at my heart; that could have also been the feeling of impending heart disease, so...the jury's still out. In the meantime, pray for my soul, say a Hail Mary for your good buddy The Mayor, and grab an extra shooter of grape juice at Communion for me (hey, I could use the serving of fruit).

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

VERY funny post Mayor McCheese :)

Lucifer said...

its all true youre now mine!!

happyhippierose said...

i love that one of the tags for this is "fat people." omg, you make me want McD's. it's the only drive thru on the base i live on, and thus i eat there way more than i admit.

i never knew you could order extra cheese. i suck at life.

you are informative. thank you mayor. one hail mary coming your way!